Change the equation.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Last day of CIMP: 25th May 2012.

Mr.D, Ms. Nancy, Ms. Vanessa, not forgetting Mr. Chen. Also, Mr. Murphy, Ms. Sumathy from last semester. Thank you for being great teachers. I've never experienced this kind of teaching/learning before. For this, I would say CIMP is a whole different experience.

The people that I've met are so different from those at him, or maybe I'm different. Fitting in is really hard. Really. But thats okay, I don't have to fit in. Heh. I'll stand out.

Now its all over, I'm really glad that I don't have to be in a place filled with acquaintances trying to be friends. Its more lonesome and tiring than fun. I think I need to attend some social classes or something. Considering how I plan to go forward with humanitarian subjects and social science, even with the understanding, it is not easy. I'll be that creepy person who's everywhere, almost invisible, observing the actual socializing but not doing any of it. Hmmmmm.

Mr. D playing Twister on the last day of class. I am proud to say that I once had a lengzai angmo teacher. :D

With Audris, I've only come to know her in my econs class. (:

I won't miss CIMP as much as other people, but it doesn't mean that it didn't mean anything to me. In the back of my mind will be small, but vivid memories of this two semesters here. I think I've lost contact with all CIMP people within 12 hours of the last day. Lol. I'm not even sure what that makes me feel.

CIMP is officially over for me, I passes my OSSLT exam. Thank God. But... what now?


I have a problem. 
I have a boyfriend who doesn't stop saying sorry.

"I love him, but every day I'm learning.
Without me, his world would go on turning."

Its not enough.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

"Don't you fcking disappear." 

That was the nicest thing someone has said to me all night. 
Strangers, friends, everyone else.


I'm having one of my moments again. Along with my phone, which has been acting up for the past two days. Sigh. The "He needs me, I have to be strong" thought is definitely the only thing propelling me on for now.

When will I learn to stop being selfish? Granted, my hormones are definitely messing with my mind too. Its hard to be having a hard time, worse when you're having a hard time separately. Gone are the days where all that mattered was S freakin PM, and all we ever did were struggle with Addmaths.. together. At least I wasn't alone. Growing up really sucks balls.

I wish somebody would help me. But there's noone around. Everyone's too busy trying to help themselves. I'm trying to help myself. I've turned a blind eye to many people, I know. I understand. I will help myself. And pray that God helps me too. 

I'm tired. Its like a continuous downward spiral. I have enough negative on my own, I don't need more. Happy people that are not pretending to be happy are hard to find. 

Its going to be over soon.
And then its gonna start all over again.
When did life get this.. long?


Saturday, May 12, 2012

 SO, I turned 19 yesterday. 
First (successful) surprise, D came over at about 1am with a cake and popped out from behind the wall when I walked out of the bathroom. Heh. This is kinda the first time something like this happened on my birthday. Things have changed. :)

So I made a wish, wished for everything I already have.

With my sister who came back the with ChaTime for me earlier, who also let him into the house and (surprisingly) kept the secret well. :p

The next day, well, technically on the same day, normal routine. Woke up, went to Orange for lunch, where they paid for my lunch and sang a birthday song for me, thankfully not too loudly. Ahhh, I'm gonna miss them so much when CIMP ends. Then I went for my first class where they also sang me a song, a loud one this time. :)

On the way home, D came and gave me flippers. Lol. They're small and cute, everything my feet is not. But well.. they're pink. Heh. ᄒᄒᄒ

After he was being weird the whole afternoon and seemingly stressed at night, we went for dinner at Friday's. Sigh. Sighs. Sighss. I don't really want to elaborate on that but I'm sure those of you who've been there know what happens on birthdays. They made me stand on the chair, sing, give a speech, blow the candle far far away, you get the point. Its so nice of them to come, ahem, especially eye candy for the night, ahem. HAHA. It was the first and last thing I saw in the restaurant that night. It was a great night, and no, I'm not being sarcastic.

The last surprise, is definitely a surprise. Vincent texted and then called, then told me to go down. And on my way down, he suddenly told me to just walk straight. Suddenly, he came from behind me with a cake and sang the birthday song for me. It was such an 'awww' moment. It seems that I also talk like him when I'm talking about him ._. 

Then we just talked for about an hour about absolutely nothing. He's one of those people that I just have to quote cause the stuff that he says is just so... LOL. I spent a lot of that one hour laughing.

"If one person says that 'Human is fat', and one person says 'Fat is not human'. 
Then, am I human?! Ahhhh, I am a lump of fat!"

HAHAHA, I swear I don't remember how this conversation happened but it was soooo funny and it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

So, he also somehow gave two chicken essence by the end of the night. ᄏᄏᄏᄏ

I am thoroughly touched by everything that happened, God is so good, and all the people that He's sent into my life are all such a great blessing to me. The only thing that was missing this birthday is my mum and my three best friends. :( I miss you all.

Its like a day of self evaluation, and everything around me. I know things have changed drastically than what it used to be, and maybe I've changed along with it. I used to be in high school and wonder how its like being 19. Now that I know how its like being 19, its like a huge difference from before, but also exactly the same. Maybe I've grown old, maybe I've grown up. Maybe I'm actually just really young. Everything is a lot different from when I was 'young'. Is it weird to say that I miss myself? Hmmm. But... I just lost my train of thought. Nevermind.

Big THANK YOU to my boyf and sister, and Zhan Wei and Brandon and Shi Ann, and Vincent.
All the hearts in the world for all of you. (: 

I am a happy girl.
Thank you, God. I love You.

Those who come and go.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

 CIMP Prom, Monte Carlo @ Empire Hotel
4th May 2012.

The tickets were really nice for the price we paid. Long and laminated.

My 'dates' for the night, Brandon and Zhan Wei. They're some of the best people I've met in CIMP, and we're so.. distant, but still friends. I think I owe them a lot when it comes to surviving the 2nd semester. Its really weird that the two people I'm closest to in college don't share any classes with me. Oddly enough, I know I can count on them, even if I don't. They're so precious to me, I don't think they know. Thank you. Thank you so much.

Now, these are people that come and go. KY, LP and Sam. Don't ask me why they're named like that. Canadian teachers can't pronounce Chinese names, you see. Haha. KY, I've only met that night. LP, met since day one of my first semester, one of my first friends. I think i'm really mean to him but there's just some people in life that can't be connected to. Sam, my best classmate in ENG4U. I think I'll miss him. 

Mr.D, one of the best lecturers yet. (: And some of my econs classmates. He was a lil tipsy by then and was talking REALLY LOUDLY and pink in the face and almost leaning on me while taking the picture. Lol. Ms. Nancy wasn't there I think. =\

It seems I had my own little after party. I feel SO BAD for abandoning Brandon and Zhan Wei but uhmm.. lets just say, these people are closer to my heart. CIMP is.. not. I had a good day. I feel blessed. <3

Now its like I have a war to prepare for. Nearing the end of the last semester, with many final projects to finish and research papers to write. Ahhhh. Breathe in, breathe out. It'll all be over soon.

All praises to God.

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