Just a pretty face.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Its been such a tearful month, I can't really explain why. I think there was this one week where I cried everyday for four days, all for different reasons.There's just an unexplainable amount of pain that I've witnessed and personally experienced, vicariously absorbed it from everything around me. Its so sad to see the people around me being unhappy, sometimes I wonder if I'm unhappy for all the wrong reasons. 

I can't remember what I used to be. I'm not sure if I want to. But the new me isn't getting anywhere either. There is a significant change thats happening to me that I just can't seem to figure out. There's something terribly wrong with the words I speak and things I hear and the way I think. I just.. don't know what it is. Yet. 

There's such a long way to go. So much pain in the world that I wish everyday, if there is something I could do to make it better, with my capabilities, I'd do it. But everybody's hurting. I saw things I'd rather not seen, but am awfully glad that I've existed for awhile. I don't think that sentence made much sense. It doesn't make me feel better that I've seen all that anger, but I'd rather I did than not. 
So, this has been an oddly happy and sad month, both trying to outnumber each other. Penang trip was good, the leaving part was sad. :( My tearful chicken rice. The bestfriend from Ipoh feeling all sad, making me all sad and guilty. D being emotional when I left to Ipoh, oh and braces omggg braces, I'm so scared.

 I've made some serious mistakes. Maybe one. Maybe more. I can only pray for forgiveness. I'm not sure who I'm directing all this guilt to. I don't know what to do. I can't do anything, dammit. Thats what I'm so angry about. Its all very simple. Just say no, stay away. Why can't I? Ughhh. I'm not sure if I'm sad or disgusted or disturbed or completely apathetic. I know for a fact though, this is all wrong. This is not what God wants for me. Just, please. Help me. 

To wrap up the month, we went to zouk to celebrate his belated birthday, drank sex on the beach shots, I think I had 3. New record. Haha. Had some terrible tasting whiskey? Drank from a ginormous jug of long island. The dance floor was empty, except for these extremely tall angmo girls and funny middle eastern guys and then there was a white blond curly haired guy who was clearly crazy drunk.

Bwahahaha. Bwahaha. Yes. That's all. I dropped his phone on the floor. :\ sorry.

My face is like "wth is this bright light doing in my face". Hahaha. Excuse me for trying to cover up my face with all the editing, I really cannot show that face to anyone. Its too drunkfaced, I could barely walk but it was all good. To protect our image, no one should ever see these pictures unedited. 
All copyright infringement. 

Possibly signing up for uni tomorrow. God, let this not be a mistake. Because what's worse than knowing its a mistake, is knowing that I will go through it all just for the sake of it. No, no please. No.

I won't forget. 
The pain, the bitterness.
He watched out for me, too. 
Is all I can tell myself. 

This is indeed a rant post.

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