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Monday, January 28, 2013

I'm sorry. 

I am a terrible person, I do terrible things.
I am selfish and cruel, I don't know how to comfort people.
I don't say much, I don't do much.
Maybe you'll forgive me one day.

Don't regret, self.
26/1/13

You're welcome.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Blogger has been messing with me for weeks now. Today is the first time I've ever successfully uploaded a picture despite all my previous trials. I think there's much to update. To start of, boyf and I (with his friends) went on a mini vacation to Malacca where we did...nothing. But eat. I've finally walked on Jonker Street and eaten the famous chicken rice ball. 


They gave us 5 balls. Haha. It wasn't all that great. I like rice. I like normal rice. Like... rice. But not in a ball. 

Then uhmm... I got a job? I can officially say I have worked in the service industry now. Yay. I've been waitressing at The Street Cafe or also known as Korean Food Street? What. I don't remember. I clean a lot of tables, try to carry the very heavy bibimbap pot with one hand. If that pot is not burning my fingers, the metal lunchboxes do, and if that doesn't, the soup bowl does too. T___T My fingers are all sore and burnt by the end of the shift. I get people they're tissues and I bring them their tea. 

Working with foreign workers this time around (when I used to be the foreigner in Spore) is quite different. They are so hardworking! And so nice. :/ Too nice. They help me alot and in return, I do everything they tell me to. They give me food, and more food, and make me wash glasses. Hmmm. Oh well. This is a new journey. I do wish it passes soon though, I don't know how people can do this for such a long time.

On one random Thursday where I was working, I got a call from Andrew, who offered to give me 4 free tickets to We Love Asia Music Festival @ Sepang (thank you, Andrew!). I didn't even know what it was, but since Kristal's bday was coming up, and she was down for the weekend, I thought maybe this could be something new. Its definitely new to me. I've never heard so much house/trance/electronic music for so many hours consecutively in my life. 


I saw Red Foo, from LMFAO and uhmm... a variety of other DJs, and of course the apparently famous Steve Aoki. When doing "I'm sexy and I know it", they actually took off their pants and wriggled around in their shiny underwear. That was something I wouldn't forget. Heh. That was fun. 

Then, when it was midnight, we not so secretly brought out a cake for Kristal. :D 


And on Monday, I went to work, went home in a drizzle, got ready and went to celebrate her birthday with who else but the other 0.5 of our 1. 



Happy Birthday, love. I'm not sure if you'll ever see this. But I'm really grateful that you're in my life and gave me the honor of spending your last day being a teenager with me. Hehe. You're always the first to grow older, but always somewhat the younger one to me. I pray that we will be able to spend many many more birthdays together.  
사랑한다, 친구야.

Beat it.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Warning: Random. 

What is this.
WHAT IS THIS. 
Why? Why?

No. I didn't expect it at all. I didn't see this. What am I looking at? 

I was so hellbent on not doing well, maybe with the possibility of comforting myself that this is not for me. That maybe, just maybe, its okay to run. Where am I running to with this? There's nowhere to run. Is this God speaking to me? What are You saying? I don't understand what you're trying to tell me. 

You know what this tells me? This tells me that what everyone says is right. That all I am is book smart. I'm nothing else. That's all I'm made of, that's all I am. It always just looks as if this is all I'll ever be. 

"It just means that you can survive whatever." 

Great, just great. I will definitely start going around, tossing myself in every ocean possible, to see which one I'll drown in. 

**********************

Despite all the things that come out of my mouth, those words are laced with eternal gratitude to God and all the people who pushed me forward despite my constant running and hiding. 

I can't even lift my head and say that I deserve it, because I don't think I do. Sure, I've suffered through all of it, barely pulling through, I've had countless sleepless nights and sad attempts at studying. I just can't say I've done my best, because I know I didn't. Yet God gives me the best. I'm so undeserving. 

"When nothing happens, have faith."

I still hate studying. I do. I will. 

*********************

Hey, you. Yeah, you. You were wrong. I could do it. And I did. Lets stop comparing, we're in different leagues. Aren't you tired?

And you. I said I'll show you that you need me, not the other way around. I don't think I'll be around much longer, too bad. 

So, yes. Have a good new year. 
Or a great one. Or many.

New Year Eve's.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

The beginning of 2013. 

I was glad to have my bestfriend and boyfriend with me. Along with a bunch of acquaintances. 


New year, new start? Meh, I say that every year. I didn't even manage to make time to think of any New Year resolutions. I thought I made some good ones last year. But I'm not even sure if I actually did them all. 

I want to do so much this year, I want to be...different. But then again, change comes when you least notice it. Next thing I know, I'm an entire different person. 

I guess I need to learn to hold my tongue. Not be antisocial? Or selective-social? Make friends? Keep friends? I want to do all of it. I want to build a stronger relationship with God. I want to learn the Word. I want to live by the Word. I want to travel. I want to get a degree, dammit. Hopefully, I'll really be on my way to getting one this year. Maybe if my addiction to the Internet , my studies and my relationships allow, I would like to get a job. I want that number in my bank account to continue increasing. I want to be pretty. Hah, vain talk right there. 

I want to be happy. 

God bless 2013.

Review.

Its now the second day of 2013. I have successfully turned my whole sleeping hours upside down again. I think it really bothers me but I haven't devised a plan to fix it...yet. Sigh. To start of the year, I'm still pretty much aimless. This cannot go on! But this post is not about that, its about 2012. 

2012, the year where the world was supposed to end but didn't.


So I tried to look pretty for the New Year, and I really want to perm my hair. #justsaying 

Lets take a step back. What did I do in 2012? 

January
I celebrated Chinese New Year with the cousins that I've never met before, from Australia, who are all adorable. 


February
Sent my bestfriends off to the land down below. *sobs*

 

Went to SS4 Singapore, plus a visit to my cousins and grandpa. 




March
I think...I got a boyfriend. :D 


April
Went for Sunway Christian Fellowship Camp. Gained new friends. (:


May 
Went to CIMP Prom. Aww, I miss them both so much. 


Celebrated my birthday~ 


 Filmed my Seoulmate Project, made new friends. :) 


June 
With that, I graduated from CIMP. 


July 
And took a trip to Penang with besties. 


Also to the waterfall with boyf and new friends. 


 August 
I uhmm.. started Psychology @ Sunway Univeristy. 


September 
EMERGE KL. Future in Neon. My first ever time designer and making an outfit, with hair and make up. 


October 
Sent my sister off to Busan. *sobs* 

November 
Big Bang Galaxy Tour! 


December 
Christmas! & Holidays! & New Year Eve!

I feel like I haven't achieved much last year. But it was a tough year, sending away my bestfriends, sending away my sister, and my dad. All to the land far far away. Having been through it all with my boyf, which I must say, is a new record. Heh. Gaining and losing friends all at the same time. God has been very confusing last year. It was a year full of lessons and teachings, of falling and climbing, or love and pain, of decisions and plans. All of which, I wouldn't have gotten through if it wasn't for God. To be reminded over and over again, that God is good.

I am so grateful for experiencing life for yet another year. Being 19 is a strange crossroad. There, but not there. I'm not sure what I feel with that being my last year as a teen. I guess I am quite afraid. But that's okay. The most recent lesson and reminder that I've heard, is that everything here is temporary. Despite that, God has given us life. Thus, we should live and live by His Word, something I haven't seen to grasp fully. 

2013 will be a year filled with more learning, more life, more love. There is so much more. So much more to life. That, I believe.

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