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Beat it.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Warning: Random. 

What is this.
WHAT IS THIS. 
Why? Why?

No. I didn't expect it at all. I didn't see this. What am I looking at? 

I was so hellbent on not doing well, maybe with the possibility of comforting myself that this is not for me. That maybe, just maybe, its okay to run. Where am I running to with this? There's nowhere to run. Is this God speaking to me? What are You saying? I don't understand what you're trying to tell me. 

You know what this tells me? This tells me that what everyone says is right. That all I am is book smart. I'm nothing else. That's all I'm made of, that's all I am. It always just looks as if this is all I'll ever be. 

"It just means that you can survive whatever." 

Great, just great. I will definitely start going around, tossing myself in every ocean possible, to see which one I'll drown in. 

**********************

Despite all the things that come out of my mouth, those words are laced with eternal gratitude to God and all the people who pushed me forward despite my constant running and hiding. 

I can't even lift my head and say that I deserve it, because I don't think I do. Sure, I've suffered through all of it, barely pulling through, I've had countless sleepless nights and sad attempts at studying. I just can't say I've done my best, because I know I didn't. Yet God gives me the best. I'm so undeserving. 

"When nothing happens, have faith."

I still hate studying. I do. I will. 

*********************

Hey, you. Yeah, you. You were wrong. I could do it. And I did. Lets stop comparing, we're in different leagues. Aren't you tired?

And you. I said I'll show you that you need me, not the other way around. I don't think I'll be around much longer, too bad. 

So, yes. Have a good new year. 
Or a great one. Or many.

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