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Those three words.

Monday, April 29, 2013

 "...because of you."

Honestly, these three words are scarier than the other kinds of three words that people would think of when they hear 'three words'. Well, to me anyway. How can someone bear to be the reason of...anyone's anything? Of course, it could be a positive reason. I think perhaps I haven't heard any of those things for awhile now.

The things I've been hearing goes a little like...

"You make me feel like dying." 

"Why do you make my life so miserable?"

Uhh. I'm sorry? :/

 **************************

So, nothing has happened. Just felt like updating. This week's service was good. To quote my cell leader, "Its been awhile since I've heard a message that I just had to write down everything because every point was important." 

It was about relationships. Stop right there. I know what you're about to think. Heh. No. It is not about that kind of relationships. Its about our general relationship to people. The real transformation, of Christians, does not only encompass of a Christian's relationship with God. Real transformation happens when you bring the relationship you have with God, towards the people. Real people. Man to man. 

Its given that it is tremendously hard to love people. People who don't mean anything to you, people who have no relation to you whatsoever, and even harder to love people who hate you. But that's exactly what we are supposed to do. Why is it so hard to"have faith" in humanity? Because we don't see it, we don't live it. Okay, now I'm being ironic. Because, to have faith, is to believe evidence of things not seen. Things that are currently not... present.

And that is my problem. It is so hard to live with utter selflessness. Because, humans are self centered. When Adam and Eve first sinned, our focus was already lost. It wasn't on God, it wasn't on others, we only focused on ourselves. We find friends who suit us, make us better people, we marry people who can fit us, we only choose to love those that are easy to love.

34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:35-35

We have to love one another. Selflessly and sacrificially. And the final lesson learnt today for Christians: 

Stop convincing people.
Start loving people.

I have to learn to love people. I think I might have just tried to preach. But my
 ex-boyf's right about this. Practice what you preach. Sigh. I have much more growing to do, its a new battle everyday. 

Which brings me back to the recent drama. I am still on my life roller coaster ride. Sometimes I just stop riding for awhile to come down and puke, just to get back on it. And while I continue to do things that might just be slightly detrimental to my mental state, haters continue to hate.


I have to admit, I want this picture posted somewhere, probably out of spite. Just because you tell me I can't, I will show you I can. With some respect. And to avoid casting my drama upon innocent people. I will not forget the way he looked at me. I wish I didn't understand, I wish I could say that their resentment towards me was bullshit. But...I can't. Because I know what its like to be a friend. Because I know how to love a friend. 

 
I had a good night. Carefree. Sexy, free and single. Haha.  

I'd just like to say though. Mind your own business. *i'm already hearing all the whispers of 'my friend's business is my business' speech* Oh, suck it up and just move along.


"Just because something isn’t something, doesn’t mean that it’s nothing."

People have feelings, people get hurt. I am a person. I am a person, too. Just like everybody else. A little hard to process that sentence, isn't it? I guess sometimes its a little too easy to forget that when it comes to me.

Yeah, its a reminder to me on certain days too.


"....until we meet again."

21st April.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013


 I got baptized!
"....in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit."


It is such an experience. I couldn't tell you how many ways the devil tried to steer me away, with all the reasons that felt like it mattered but really didn't. I am a Child of God, and I am baptized. Despite all the circumstances that have happened, the people telling me to postpone it, being (almost) completely alone during my baptism, it is still one of the best decisions I've made in my life.
I really do everything alone, don't I? :/

I didn't need people to be there to witness it. God was my only witness. I am ready more than ever, to live renewed in Christ and to follow His ways.
For all the days of my life.

****************

So, I have a large pile of soggy, gross tissue in my bin 
that constitutes of the pain you've caused me. 
Does this mean I can openly resent you now?


Date a girl who travels.

Friday, April 19, 2013


Inspiring. 
Makes me think, this is someone I could be.

From : http://www.solitarywanderer.com/2012/02/date-a-girl-who-travels/

Heart of gold.

Monday, April 15, 2013

 Special post for a special friend for his special birthday.

Happy (belated) Birthday, Sam! ♥♥♥


We've been friends for so many years, yet this is the first year I've spent your birthday with you.
:D


"My bestfriend, bestfriend till the very end."

After officially living for two decades, and having spent a few years being friends, I am so blessed to have you in my life. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Happy Birthday, love.

Short, and sweet.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

This is a part of my impromptu visit to Singapore. 

Approximately 10 hours before my actually departure, I finally decided to get up and go. After going back and forth in my mind for days, I would say it one of the best decisions I've made. Or, maybe this is just my post-singapore depression talking. 

So, I arrived at a mall that I have never been too. Took a shuttle bus, took a train, took another shuttle bus to go to find the-one-who-was-kind-enough-to-let-me-stay. HAHA. I've finally decided to go with Mr. Red Pants, who will never read this. 

Right after reaching, I traveled all the way to find him just to have him carry my luggage all the way back to his place for me.
 ._.


That night itself, we traveled all the way to the city to visit Marina Bay Sands. No time lost at all. Honestly, a lot has changed since I last went there. All the stuff they were building were finally up and running. I love this Gardens at the Bay place. The tall trees thingy, they're so beautiful. From near and from far. I guess I do have a thing for lights.


Of course, not forgetting the Helix Bridge.

We also managed to catch a water fountain/lights/laser (?) show, that they were showing at Marina Bay. We were both feeling all sentimental and mopey.


On the way there, we walked through this hallway with all these flower patterns on the wall and decided to pick a wall each. Hahaha. "Our wall."

The next day, because he wanted to go to the beach, we went to Sentosa. It was a Sunday, the island was pretty crowded with tourists and all. 



We took the Boardwalk across because the train is overrated. Heh.


The pretty lights on the walls and the staircase.

We walked all along the beach. Twice. 


Rested on these terribly sandy uhh.. pondok? The wind in my hair, sand between my toes. Good times. *sniffles*


Dusted sand off our feet...



...and cycled around a small part of the island because cycling uphill was an impossible task for me. Lol, sorry.


And after eating McD for dinner, we walked all the way to another beach, in the dark, across this pretty cool hanging bridge, looked through the telescope, and walked all the way back to the train station. A long walk along the beach, dark and quiet, perfect date.
The next day, we headed towards Bugis. Bad place to go with the kind of financial crisis I am in. Lol. The long escalator at Iluma is gone! What blasphemy! T________T It was depressing. They've renovated a lot around the city. Shopped around for awhile, he's a good shopping company. I feel bad, I might have bored him out of his mind. Pastel mint green. I won't forget now. :) 


Introduced him to MOS burger for the first time. Rice burgers are awesome. His ebi burger and my something-in-japanese-chicken-burger. From where we were eating, I pointed out Suntec City, lo and behold, he decided we should head there. But only to be disappointed that the Fountain of Wealth was under construction. :/ 

Then. We decided (mainly just him, I just complied) to walk to the Merlion Park. Because it is supposedly near, but not that near. We walked 3 MRT stations away. Lol. I guess I could say it was all worth it. 


After a long treacherous walk/chase to catch the last train home, we still missed the last bus. And proceeded to walk another 3 bus stops far to get home. I've done so much walking, I have a blister on each foot.


 But then again, no regrets. Memories to last for a lifetime.  
Thank you, J.

Short, and sweet.


Changed the game.

Friday, April 5, 2013

The first thing I did when I got back to Ipoh this time around was cut my hair. My horse tail is now officially reduced to a ponytail. Haha. And apparently I need a new shampoo. Hmm.

 Passing through the month of celebration..


I went back to Ipoh, being given the opportunity to celebrate with some new friends their birthdays. Belated or not, celebration is always good. :) 


 Twas was an interesting night, with a little too much beer and too much sitting. Also, too much eating. This new change, the one where I don't get to sleep much in Ipoh anymore, is so strange to me. Quite hard to get used to. I wonder if my mum realises that she barely sees me at home anymore when all I ever did was stay at home in Ipoh. 

Coincidentally, that weekend was Easter Sunday. So I went to church, with two of my closest, and with a very traditional and quiet way, we celebrated the resurrection of Christ.


Happy Easter y'all! 


 And of course, Ipoh is never complete without my dear Ipoh-bestfriend. It was a long day, a long night. Long talks, long walks. I've missed you.


My mum has decided to completely change my sister's room into her own personal walk in closet. So she's been cleaning up stuff, throwing out stuff. I came home at night and saw the whole stack of MGS' Argosy outside the door and I almost ignored it. But after considering the very few memories I have of the school, I decided to keep the class photos that I could find. I didn't get my Standard 6 picture. T____T 

Trips to Ipoh almost makes me nostalgic. Just looking at all the stuff my mum's been clearing up makes me sad. How did I grow up so fast? How did so much change all of a sudden? There's so much to remember. 

I miss my bestfriends. 
"When will we do life together again?"

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