Thursday, May 23, 2013


I stared up at the sun   
Thought of all the people, places 
and things I've loved  
I stand up just to see 
Of all the faces, 
you are the one next to me

If I lose myself tonight 
It'll be by your side
If I lose myself tonight  
It'll be you and I


"I don’t want to feel obligated right now. I don’t want to feel responsible for your feelings, I’m not responsible for your feelings, and believe me, I know that I’m shitty, I know I’m bad, you don’t need to remind me, I know I don’t deserve you. I know you like me, and I’m sorry for being the way I am, but today, could you please just leave me alone, please?"

Oh, the past that still clings on the me like a koala bear. 
Fade away, please. 


I keep seeing so many people falling. We are alike in so many ways, yet all apart and alone. Is this a phase that every 20-something goes through? Yet, these are the choices that we make. This part, the understanding that maybe our future is somewhere out there, somewhere where we are far apart and trying to live an adventure all the time, is flawed. The more time goes by, the more I'm convinced. 
Its not true.

Why do we all have to go through the exact same thing but apart? Makes everyone wonder why we made the choices that we first did, being completely fooled that it may bring us somewhere better, somewhere further, somewhere where we can be anything we want, somewhere where nobody knows us, somewhere our dreams can be achieved. 

Taking risks, yes? 

Great. There is nothing else left to say but one thing. One thing everyone just finds really hard to believe. You are not alone in this. 

Ironically, everything that you go through, every little thought in your head, every tear you cry, every hug you want, every shaking hand, every wobbling feet, every cold sweat you break into, every little decision you make, every criticism you make of yourself, every condemnation, every unforgiveness, every stab you give to your cold, little heart, you are alone. 

Your experience is yours alone. It doesn't matter how many people you tell, it doesn't matter how well you tell it, it doesn't matter how many times you tell it. Because nobody will know. And nobody will understand. They will have their own experience, albeit similar, it is not yours. Yours is yours alone. 

Remember it. Think about it. Write about it. Cry about it. Analyze it. Do everything you want about it. Tomorrow still comes. 


I am being extremely strange, and not making sense. 
Not making sense at all. 

Quick update.

1. I watched Star Trek and Great Gatsby, they were both awesome although I have to say that Star Trek has become one of my top favorite movies. 
2. I have gone through my second surgery, removing my 2nd wisdom tooth, went through what I would call a Terrible Anxiety Attack, and wishes never to have to go through something like that again.  

Nobody will know. 
3. I probably had one Friday night that I can consider my best and worst day of May. 

Ex-bestfriend, ex-boyfriend, new acquaintances.
4. Now I want to just go back into my little cocoon and stay there forever. And ever.


I trust in God
I trust in God

I trust in God
I trust in God

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