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Monday, August 19, 2013

It feels like I've lost my voice.


I have no idea what I believe in anymore. I don't even remember who I used to be, how I used to be, what I used to be. What is this nonsense identity crisis I'm in the midst of? I barely have any opinions, its like I don't have a thought on anything at all. If it happens, it happens. I don't bother justifying things anymore, I don't bother evaluating things anymore, I don't remember the last time I judged something/someone. And I know, that is not a bad thing, I don't judge, I like that about myself. But I'm beginning to blur out the line between what's good and bad, what's right or wrong. I'm losing touch of what I live my life by. 

Its like I'm being just whoever the people around me thinks I am. It change accordingly, just to.. adapt. I don't remember how I used to think before. I hear all these strange voices in my head that don't belong to me.

Things are only valuable when they're rare. And now I'm becoming almost like everything else out there in the world, any kind of person, any kind of girl. Average? Oh-so-average. 

I feel like I don't think anymore. Gone are the days when I actually over-think things. Is it too early to say that I kinda miss that feeling? I feel like I need to have told this big, long, thick rope to hold my brains together, to get my mind to function again. If I kinda squish my brain up, maybe squeeze some of the juice out, to make it all soft and moist, will I begin to think deeper thoughts?

Days and days and more days past. I don't even notice. Its a strange kind of emptiness. Not the kind stemmed from being alone too long, it feels like it comes from being quiet amongst people too much.

I'm becoming dumb. 


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