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Mindlessness.

Thursday, January 30, 2014


"The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God." 
Romans 8:6-8 


*****




He kissed me back in the way certain boys do, 
the way you can tell that they’re good, 
that their hearts are in the right place.

Stay alive, stay alive.

Thursday, January 23, 2014


I've had a pretty great 2013, looking back. I'd be completely honest and say that there were parts of it that I wish I could have done differently, but I'd rather not. I've met great people, I went to places I have never been, done things that I always do (hah) and learnt lessons that would last a lifetime.



"He who knows not and knows not that he knows not is a fool; shun him.
He who knows not and knows that he knows not is a child; teach him.
He who knows and knows not that he knows is asleep; wake him.
He who knows and knows that he knows is wise; follow him."

Lady Burton—Life of Sir Richard Burton.

2013.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

We're here, we're there.
This is it. This is the end.

The end of the year has arrived. Unlike the previous years, the end came just in time for me, not too soon, not too late. Just right. Its a topsy turvy year, I've been up, been down. The beginning of the year itself was like a scene cut out of a horror movie, followed by long months of crazy self destruction that brought along a lot of fun and a lot of pain. That was January for me.


"Why does it feel so good but hurt so bad?
My mind keeps telling me 'run as fast as you can'."

***


Chinese New Year was interesting this year. I was given the chance to know some new people, who brought quite a lot of laughter into my life. Blessed I am indeed. One of the most eventful CNYs I've ever had.

Followed by what I thought of it to be a time of healing. The trip to Busan+Seoul was amazing, everything I wanted it to be. I just wish there was more time. There's so much more to see, so much more to know. I'll go back there, one day; when time and money and age and language and company will not be a problem anymore. 


 February was a lot of traveling, a lot of emptiness otherwise. I spent time with different people, seeing different things, seeing a different me. A lot of messed up sleeping hours, long nights spend with my laptop boyfriend and random outings. By the time I came back from Seoul, I was ready to get back on track by going back to uni. But God had different plans for me. Didn't happen, maybe I was confused and down for awhile after that. Moved on from there. 

***

Apparently I came back from Korea in March (I actually looked through my own facebook to remember that). Then time must have passed really fast for me as I try to figure out what to do with my life because the uni plan didn't happen again and I was suffering from post-Korea depression. Everything was just not as good back in Malaysia. Oh well.


***

April, I think I actually may have not done anything in April. Oh right. My short and sweet and also slightly secret trip to Singapore. Those are the days that may seem like it came and went but didn't make a difference. But leaves a mark in the heart for a long time. It was another runaway from me. Not entirely proud of it, seemingly bothered a few people, but no regrets. I came back with a little more hope. 


***

May, my birthday month. I have no recollection of what was happening. Not the kind of birthday I want to remember. It all just blipped through.


***

I remember strange things happening after that. New, strange person. As mean as I sound saying this, I'm glad we're no longer speaking. Good times though, good times. June; One of a Kind. These are memories made in the city centre of KL for me that I may always remember. Walking along the streets, the train, the rain, the sun. And of course, GD. And uhh, somewhere along the lines I also saw BEAST and 4minute and G.Na.


Surprisingly more traveling. Road trip! I am sorry for the one blip that happened during this trip, a broken heart. One day, maybe, one day, we will change things...again.


*** 

July was a little bit more traveling, a little bit more family. Jakarta was an interesting experience. Not great as a vacation, but eye opening when it comes to humanity. I came back humbled. And...glad. 


I miss the blue contacts and my strangely nice hair and the absolutely adorable elephant. I think I'd still want it if I could go back in time. I don't remember exactly what happened that July. 

***

July, on the way to August, I spent a lot of time with these people. Ahhh, all the sleepless nights and strange bondings. Maybe these times can never return again, but thank God they happened. Part of the year where I felt like I actually belonged (thanks, Omar; even though you weren't here for half of the adventures).


***

August cum September, where my sister returned and I finally got my ass back into uni with a great surprise which may turn into one of the best things that happen to me. The return of a good friend, heh.


Our strange adventure began and uhh... rave? Haha. We Love Asia 2.0 and Arthur's Day and then Sundown in October.

***

October, new friends, back to being a student. Thankfully, this time around, its more fun, less pain. I would say October was the month of meeting people and having a great time and then... life goes on. Some people appear in your life only for the shortest, most heartwarming moments and then...poof, no more. It was a good lesson learnt. After that, it became a lot easier to accept that some people are just not meant to say. And I also think it was about this time where the "single-probation-period" ended. Haha, damn.

***

November. Ahh, November. Where Things Begin to Change. Month of the final exams, lotsa stress, very little sleep, a lot of mamak food at 4am, long phone calls and dangerous flirting and stepping out of the comfort zone.


And then the holidays began.

***

December. Month of the Decision. Christmas. Bukit Tinggi. Ipoh. Camerons. New Year.

And... 2014.
Year of No Repeats.


"All I want for Christmas is you."

Sunday, January 5, 2014

24th December.

Candlelight service at church, it was uhh.. an interesting experience. There's nowhere I'd rather be than in the house of God during Christmas.


25th December.

As per usual, Christmas dinner at Daddy's with Uncle Wai Keong and family. Roasted chicken and potato salad for dinner. Present exchanging after that and I got this huge frame, supposedly from daddy, but aunty bought it.


 Sisters in the house! 

Before that, 


Christmas date with heart big teddy bears and heart shaped meat. 


26th December. 

And after that, Boxing Day at Bukit Tinggi.


It was nice and cold and all we did was walk around, throw pop pop, drink pina colada.


This was Christmas for me. 

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