Raw and unfiltered.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

"You’ll only ever be on each other’s peripherals,
but never in plain sight."


"When you’ve been seeing yourself as an inferior, unlovable person for long enough, or someone has been telling you that for long enough, you can start to believe it on such a subconscious, engrained level, that if someone treats you like you’re better than that, you think there’s something wrong with them."

I respect writers like that, its quite amazing what our minds are capable of. When I read these things, I think about what they had to go through to write something like that, to realize something so painfully true, for them at least. And to actually deal with that realization. I mean... What am I supposed to do now, with that knowledge? That kind of thought. 

"XXX isn’t made in a single ideal moment… it is a collection of good and great moments that add up over time.” -Art Markman

I wrote XXX because I think you can fill in many different words there to make that sentence meaningful.  A collection of good moments over time. Stop letting one moment change your entire cause. 


So, the semester has ended. I'm officially forced to take another step forward, in terms of education. Now I finally find myself in the place I've been dreading and making the decision I have been procrastinating.  
To choose a major.

Finals ended just 3 days ago and the break has started. I only have 2 goals this break, and surprisingly or not, sleep is not on that list. I'm feeling proud that I still manage to surprise myself sometimes, step one to falling a little in love with myself. Heh.

1. EAT.

Of course, it'd be nice if those two can be accomplished together. Of course, I'd like to travel too. But I always get disappointed a little in that category, so to cut myself a little heartache, I won't put it on the list.

Oddly, the first thing I did to start the break off, was a very rushed, impromptu, also uneventful, trip back to Ipoh. At least I got one thing cut off my to-do list? 

I got a haircut! Got rid of all those terrible dead ends and fluff and... it was so pretty that day. But today, its back to how it used to be. :/

Also, celebrated Father's Day on Sunday.

For a man who has lived this long (half a decade plus), done all kinds of things, I feel until today he still stands on what he believes in, and despite how people, myself included, will never understand or agree or accept the way he's lived his life, I think that's something I look up to. Maybe its because I feel I may never be able to do that. Mistakes are made, hearts are broken, many lives are changed. At the end of the day, we're here now. And now, is what should matter. Every Father's day, I wish him, thinking back a little about the father that he was, and I would say, he was lacking in many ways. I'm not the best daughter, but we fought long and hard and now we're all grown up. I'm the youngest, and I turned 21 this year. If today, this is the best he can be for us, he cooks for us, helps us in all the small small ways, the best we can do, is just to be daughters and call him 'Dad' and appreciate now. The past, let is stay where it belongs, in the past. Happy Father's Day, daddy.

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