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"Ain't nobody gonna love you like I do."

Thursday, August 7, 2014



I've been following this blog for awhile now, recently gotten reminded by my sister that I haven't read the last post because they delayed it. Its such an eye opening experiment.

Maybe she reminds me a little about myself, but not entirely. I've never used to be the person who wanted it all. But now.. I probably am. Haha, the power of change. He reminds me a little of me too, the kind of fear and the part where he says he 'gets' to them before they 'get' him. Basically, he dumps them to prevent feeling abandoned when he feels it isn't working out. I'm also begin to understand her 'accommodating' attitude, but the only difference was that the guy actually hated it. Lol, I've been in both their shoes before. What I like the most about the two of them is that they seem to know and understand each other so well and have actual, real concern about what's best for the other. They were honest throughout it all with each other, and how they opened up. I love how mature both of them are, with dealing with their feelings. If only I could make myself, hah. I love how he understands that she has a 'need to know' and that she can't just not talk about it or ignore it and he actually brings it upon himself to make sure she gets what she needs, that's quite rare in a man. I love how he loves her, yet he knows he can't be with her.

They were so cute together, despite all the differences. So happy, and so sad. Maybe I'm also a hopeless romantic who wanted a happy ending at the end. But, when it didn't happen, it just shows me how real love can be and how reality can change everything no matter what it is that you feel. Its a lesson worth learning. Their story resonates with me more because they are so real. Real people with real feelings and real lives that get messy and sad and yet they have each other. Just... real.

I actually still really, really want to experience this experiment. Except I probably can't afford to pay for couple therapy. Does anyone has actual time and interest in doing this? 


_____________________________

So, I've came down with this crazy migraine everyday that occasionally becomes a fever and I think my tonsils are swollen again, yet I have no idea what exactly is wrong with me. Exhaustion, maybe? Haha, funny. Sleep deprivation? Should I get it checked? I sit at home alone and I'm scared of what's happening to me. So, physically I'm probably dying. Mentally, I'm probably like uhmm..


Like that. See the smile on the guy who's hanging by a thread? Dying, yet smiling. Yeah, something like that. This isn't exactly pretense, this is overcoming. I think I know things are actually really bad when even my mum calls to ask me how I am from time to time. Its scary because my mum usually ignores my moodiness and excuse it for my character or just because I'm cranky from the lack of sleep. But I can tell, this time its not the same. She actually gave me a hug that yesterday. And she does call to check if I'm still alive or something. That, she's never used to do. I wonder if she knows anything, hmmm. I'm not sure if I want to know though. I just want to get better, find some form of joy.
"Give them the freedom to have a life outside of you and make the choice to keep you in it—not as an option or the one they throw leftovers to, but the one constant they hold on to every single day."

 "God loves you,
don't give up." 

I'll still have to fight my own demons.

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