"Don't act like its such a bad thing to fall in love with me"

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

These days, this is all I feel like doing.

But if I was as cute a this rabbit doing it, I'd be happily doing it. Too bad I'm not cute like the bunny. Cute bunnies. Look at it. Keep looking at it. It'll make your day just slightly better.

I'm going.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

"You cannot prove how much you love by
how much you’re pained over loss.
That you do not prove your character by
how well you can convince other
people you’re doing the right thing."

We're slowly getting there, slowly getting there. If I wasn't me, I'd bitch slap myself right now.


Monday, September 15, 2014

"You are left with a kind of nothingness, 
as though you are holding your breath, 
but do not want to exhale because then it will be over."

"the lover's in love, and the other's run away,
the lover is crying 'cause the other won't stay."
--Lisa Loeb, Stay

Okay, I'm really trying to reduce the emo posts, but it really doesn't seem to be happening because I am really nothing but sad for now. For now. For how long, I don't know. But for now, that seems to be all that I am.

Answers are scary, no answers are scary, wrong answers are scary, right answers are even scarier. A long time ago, there would be a slow wave of relief coming over me. But now I've just gone so far down the road that even that slight relief has been overtaken. There's a part of me that wishes I could be angry, still angry, like how I was so angry. But even the anger have been extinguished by time. I wish I was still angry because that is easy to handle. You can hit something, scream a little, break something and it'll just pass. This currently unidentified feeling, is just unbearably hard to pull through.

I need to stop being pathetic. I received a slap from reality that day that came in the form of a question. 

"Where is your pride?" 

HAHA. I swear this is the most ironic question to ask me right now. I wanted to laugh out loud (and cry) so bad at the point of time. Pride. Yes. Where did it go? I technically kicked it out of my life (for awhile) because it sounded like the right thing to do, but it's still a mystery to me. Where's pride supposed to be in our life? I'm in the very slow process of finding pride again, the quality that used to be the backbone of my personality. While it diminished, I have no idea what I became.

Okay. Maybe I can allow another 4-5 emo posts before I stop wallowing? 

I really don't need this kind of judgement right now. 

The Last Time.

Monday, September 8, 2014

This is the last time you tell me I've got it wrong,
This is the last time I say it's been you all along,
This is the last time I let you in my door,
This is the last time, I won't hurt you anymore.
--Taylor Swift & Gary Lightbody

Fleeting kindness.

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Sometimes I find myself a little too slow in putting on a smile for fleeting kindness.

To illustrate, the other day, my mum and I were having dinner and this elderly lady comes over and hands us a serving spoon, despite how we've already been using our own spoons and forks to serve ourselves. I didn't have a smile on my face, I was having a pretty sad day. And when she came over and put the spoon down, I didn't form a smile fast enough to let it show that I appreciate her kindness. As she turned away, I realize she didn't see my half-smile and she didn't hear my thank you which made me even sadder. 

Fleeting kindness, it comes and goes so fast that by the time you realized you've been on the receiving end of kindness, it's too late to show appreciation. Don't forget.

I guess what I can learn from this is: 
1. Always prepare a smile despite the mood you're in. People still deserve kindness, in the form of a smile, a thank you, a kind face (haha).
2. Don't be too blind sighted by the horrible things in the world, there's still glimpses of good. 
3. Try to not have sad days (haha).

Some kindness are so blatant, so sincere, those are easy to see. Those kindness that are so disguised and so easily overlooked, we will never know the full intentions of a person, whether good or bad. Despite that, I may still stick with the way I try to find the good in people, no matter what bad your eyes see or you ears hear.

There is a certain amount of disappointment and hurt that a heart can contain. I know, for sure, that by the time we reach this age (early twenties, and for some people, even earlier in life) that we already have suffered so much of these heart wrenching pain and we spend so many of our studying years just holding back, protecting, building this fortress around our hearts so we don't go through all that again. As flawed as humanity is, people are made in the way where their hearts react to love. No matter what kind of love, you'll find yourself being able to feel something else that's not pain anymore. I think its important to remember that moment you break a hole in that fortress again and start to look out. 

That moment matters, because when you look back, you'll remember that you can do it, you can let your heart love again. Everything looks better in hindsight. I'm saying this because, well.. everyone knows what will happen. You will get hurt (again) and you will be disappointed again, and there's honestly nothing you can do to prevent it. Because not loving is just not an option. We were made to love. That's why so many people spend their entire lives just trying to love something. Be it their job, their pets, their children, their lovers, Kpop, football, Dota, fashion, themselves... everybody loves something.

You know I've seen a lot of what the world can do
And it's breakin' my heart in two
Because I never wanna see you a sad girl
Don't be a bad girl
But if you wanna leave, take good care
I hope you make a lot of nice friends out there
But just remember there's a lot of bad and beware

Baby, I love you
But if you wanna leave, take good care.

                                       --Cat Stevens, Wild World

I read recently, that women love with their ears whereas men love with their eyes. And that's just exactly how the world is.

                                                                                                                                Remember to love.


"You haven't forgiven me."

"Yes, I have."
"You don't love me anymore."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. But I feel an infinite tenderness for you. I always will. My whole life."
"Leave whenever you want.
No, really. I won't bother you again."
"You're not bothering me."
"Get going."


If everyone knew the beauty each one possesses, maybe we'd all feel less pain. 

The biggest lie of satan is "oh, but you are alone". 

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