"All time low"

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Warning: Girl post! 

I'm sure every other girl out there (most times) really dread that Time of The Week. I'm not even talking about the actual week, I'm specifically talking about the week before, the ever famous P-M-S. Bad skin, temper tantrums, random mood swings, bloated belly, unidentifiable fatigue. Actually I don't really get mood swings, I'd just be low, all day and all night and rather easily annoyed by every little thing and I just want to snap at people and/or be mope-y like "why doesn't anyone care about me" or "why nobody layan me". I probably just kinda want to be pampered and super cared for and super paid attention to and super fed and super cheered up by or just left alone. See how ridiculous it all sounds? There's no right thing to want, no right thing to say. Everything is just back and forth and I want this and I want that and I want everything.

In my very weak defense, there are actually girls out there who's just sort of permanently like that on a daily basis, its the Princess Disease. I wouldn't say I don't have it, I wouldn't say I have it. I just kinda uhm.. get infected, when all my hormones are just trying to scream "Hey look! You're gonna be bleeding out of your V and be grateful because you're not pregnant!" I can't begin to imagine the kind of creepy hormones that pregnant ladies get. Respect.

It takes a special kind of effort to keep myself in check during that week. But can you imagine? I'll be like waking up, still alright, and then look in the mirror and there's pimples all over and bumps here and there and I'll become annoyed. Imagine you have this unreasonable craving for cake at 3am and there's really nothing you can do about it, more annoyed. Then, you accidentally snap at someone because you're so annoyed and then if its not the right person (a.k.a the person who doesn't really have compassion for pms) then, an argument ensues. And then even more annoyed! Are you getting my drift here? Please try to understand that we really don't enjoy feeling unhappy and upset at everything all day long either. It does really suck not being able to be 'fine'. 

This is a terrible week and just for the sake freedom of speech, this is after all my own blog; To all men/guys/boys who do not know how to appreciate the women and their bleeding uterus, start now. Because babies come from somewhere and it comes from women who have to go through this ridiculous cycle every single month to keep the human race from getting extinct. God made men and God made women and made us to co-exist. Considering all the feminist activities and all that's been very strong this last decade, let us not forget the original roles we were given, both men and women alike.

I try so hard to bite my tongue and manage my expressions and not want to eat excessively, but I still fail once in awhile and in the presence of a loved one (i.e. boyf/husband), its easy to let go. In all honesty, sometimes I do think like "I'm so annoyed and super cranky and he's supposed to love me and I just need a little affection right now, maybe I can stop trying so hard to mask it in." Not the best thought I've ever had, but just... saying. It gets tiring to have to keep it together all the time. Even if its for the best. Please help me, too. 

For the record, I'm not okay with those girls who use the excuse of PMS to get away with everything but neither am I okay with those guys goes 'are you pms-ing?' every time a woman shows some form of emotion.

Okay, rant over.
Its 5am, I'm hungry and I need a hug. 

"A manly man, who allows me to be a girly lady."

I'm nobody's fool.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Sometimes I like to feel a body against mine, warm and real.

I realised I haven't been writing much, like previously I would have drafts and drafts at the least of it before I could really round up what I want to post and actually finish it. Now I barely have drafts even. Also, I've realized that now, more than ever before, I keep collecting regrets. Its really eating me up inside out and I have no idea how to deal with that. I have no idea what's wrong with me also. Was there a certain point in my life that I just sort of accidentally... lost it? 

I was good at it, really. I didn't do things I regret. Then all of a sudden, every other decision would turn out wrong no matter what. The thing is, wrong decisions are fine as long as they don't turn into regrets. I've made many wrong decisions, I didn't regret those mistakes. Now? Ugh. Exhausted. 

What's it going to take? 

Haha. Okay. 


Quick update. I have survived the third semester of my degree, I have not failed any subjects, still on track. Lets keep it that way. *fingers crossed* I always get so close to failing. I have my own definition of failing. It was such a tough semester yet the next will harder, so I've been told. Repeatedly. 

My internship ship has sailed, but I didn't manage to board it. My travel plans were sort of accomplished. 

Road trip to Ipoh with the uni bunch! 

Too many people to fit in a picture. 

And then, Sarawak! 

To the fake beach that was just a fake beach because it was kinda gross, like the kind at Gurney Drive. We just stopped for a few minutes, get wind in my hair, took some "cool" pictures of the sun setting and left. 

Then... there's graffiti, drinks and boat rides and interesting food. 

Ais krim bergula apong, super nice!  

Our slightly unidentified cocktails that were actually all super nice to drink. 

Kong piah? This was really delicious too. 

Following that... 

On to Genting

Christmas is coming! 

I got presents to buy and all... but the financial condition is most definitely not helping. I need a job? Yeah, I know. I sleep too much, too little, too wrong. 

p.s. Yay, less emo posts.
Learning to hold my tongue. 

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