Indifference is a crime.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

 “If you don’t have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over?”

With the new year and all, since it is January, I've fallen into a lot of thought. Thankfully I'm tired enough every other day so far to not fall prey to insomnia, but I know these thoughts lead me somewhere. I have a hypothesis that in January, people are either motivated like a chipmunk (i'm pretty sure that is an inaccurate comparison) or just.. indifferent about their entire year or, more precisely, the previous year of their existence. Well, January really got me thinking weird stuff.

I think a lot of all the things that went on in the previous years, and the previous post didn't really reflect all my thoughts, but its not like this post will (fully) either. 

That quote up there, was particularly intriguing to me. There's all these posts about how precious time is and how it is the best thing to offer someone because its something you can never have back and all. And then I just read this article about how guys (this was a 'how to be a better boyfriend' article, excuse the gender usage because I think it would apply to both gender) should be grateful and spend time with their girlfriends and not give lame excuses like "i'm tired" because she is willingly taking out her rest time to spend it with him, too. And that is something to appreciate. I think I may have scoffed at that. 

As a girlfriend, I have to undeniably understand that statement because, yes, from a human perspective, assuming both of us have our own commitments, I think couples spending time together is a mutual gift. Its so selfish for one party to say "I'm giving you my time and you tell me you don't want to spend it with me?" like as if the other person wouldn't be using their time on their partners too. Actually, I don't even know why couples should argue about these things. Shouldn't two people who love, care and miss each other just sincerely want to be with each other? Why should it be a show of who's sacrificing time, who's doing more, who's doing anything? I think this itself would be a big red flag to any relationship already. 

Also, I think it is important for people to remember, that they can lose somebody any day. Never be so secured in your relationships that you take people for granted thinking they will never leave you, even in the truth that they may never, always treat them as something to hold on to. 

Communication! How is it that we are social beings and yet now we find it so hard to communicate with each other? Sure, we can all play the blame game and pin it on technology. But our minds have changed completely. Since when talking about feelings, or god forbid, having feelings, makes someone weak? Since when do people get bored of having feelings?

I will not have someone throw me around like a toy, I will not have someone who doesn’t enjoy me, I don’t want someone who doesn’t like to talk to me, I don’t want someone who doesn’t think of me, doesn’t think for me. But first, I have to become someone like that.

I just want someone to see me as beautiful. Like.. along with all my ugly, still see me beautiful.

There's just a lot of random thoughts in my head and I can't get them in order. Working in a new environment now, lets me see a lot of people. I would like to hope that this weird, temporary, small job would restore some of my faith in humanity. I see these people and they're just so happy to go in and play, the smile on the children's faces and it makes me feel so warm and fuzzy that I am able to be a part of it. It really makes a different when you smile at them and they smile back at you. Probably this is the joy of the service industry. FYI, since it was never mentioned, I started working at Sunway Lagoon three days ago.

So much thoughts and no place to go. My brain storage feels full, although scientifically it cannot be.  Is it weird that I feel so unsafe? Like.. nowhere is safe and no one is safe?

I used to take pride in practicing apathy. I really, really didn't have any care for most people in the world, or anything at all. I know now how selfish and dumb it was. Indifference is not something to be proud of. 

Forgive me, this post is all over the place. Here's a misplaced picture to end the post.

I made that heart tree. Like it doesn't have leaves but it has a heart. I don't even know what it means. Like.. The heart grows on a tree, so you can grow love? Or the heart is as sturdy as a tree but can still be torn down by humans? Or the heart is placed up in a tree because it needs to feel safe and needs actual effort, such as climbing up the tree, to be obtained?

Hold tight, it's gonna get hard to breathe
And never, never let you drown
Even if we're going down
Hey oh, never let go of me
When I'm sinking.
--Rough Water, Travie McCoy

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