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Friday, October 30, 2015


"I have to understand that, to him, I’m just forgettable."

My 5th semester has just ended. But that wasn't the only thing that ended. There's a certain finality to this phase. This might actually be it.This is actually The End. Admittedly, it isn't a chapter I want to close. Keeping it open is drowning me in pain, but there's also pain in letting go. I just can't figure which is worse, or which is more doable. Evidently, I'm not doing either very well. 

Its almost the end of the year now, I really can't remember much of it other than flitting between being almost, pretentiously okay and very not okay every other day. Its not the end of the year yet, not the time for the annual review yet. Thinking about it, I might not even be able to do one this time. 

I gotta remember how it feels like to laugh, I gotta remember how it feels like to feel free again. 


And you did. 

How do I kill this thing living inside of me? I guess someday someone will have to love me and all the sadness in me while I continue the battle to rid them. And if that day never comes, I'll still be fighting this battle on my own.

Surrendering is an option, too.
I have so little will left to continue living.

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