Not me.

Monday, December 28, 2015

"爱上你的时候 还不懂感情."
"I didn't understand love when I fell in love with you."

I think I understand now how it might be for someone to live with a disability. To wake up everyday, praying, wishing that your circumstances would be different. In my case now, to wake up everyday just not feeling pain, and how inevitable it is. And when you wake up you feel a pang in your heart because there it is again, there's that pain, just another day with it. Ugh, my pain tolerance is really low. The number of times that the thought of giving up goes through my head is uncountable.


Quick update on my December so far, although technically there's only 3 more days of December left. 
My first year (and possibly last) working at Big Bad Wolf (bbw). It was an eye opening experience, the whole thing, the good, the bad, the strange.

And of course, perhaps it was inevitable for me to make more Chinese speaking friends with my very bad Chinese speaking skills, haha. I actually find that I have nothing much to say about the whole thing, other than the fact that I was rather glad it was over. On the last day, I felt really slight tinge of nostalgia, that maybe I would miss this place, these people, the experience, but really.. it was just that way. The time has come to an end and its all over now. For the first time in a long time, I wasn't sad something was coming to an end. I was ready to move on, haha. 

Despite that, I am very grateful for the experience, and very appreciative of all the kindness that was shown my way. Surprisingly, there was actually some laughter involved. And for that, I am even more grateful. 


After that whole ordeal, it was CHRISTMAS! 

This has been a strange December for me, I used to look forward to Christmas very much, but this year, it was like.. mehhh. I wasn't feeling much of the spirit until the day actually came. Well, it wasn't too late to fall in love with Christmas again. This Christmas was much different from the previous one, Facebook has a way of reminding us about the past and what's no longer in our lives.

Still grateful for all the time spent with uhh.. new friends, my sisters and my family. 

It is very convenient for my hair to act up on that specific day, wasn't it? :( 

I think the most depressing part of December is how little good food I ate. Blegh, I want this all to pass and let the pain stop please. 


Now I'll go, I won't think about the things 
I'm leaving behind. I won't think about what 
I'll be missing and if I'll miss anything when 
I come back, it'll all be gone. 

Maybe there will be that small, strange 
feeling of emptiness, but maybe 
I'll have more to fill it back up. 
I'll be on my own. 


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