"Not everything you lose is a loss."

Monday, January 25, 2016

I think the lesson learnt here is to really, be open, get to know people, connect, communicate, learn, love and don't get attached. Always, always remember that goodbye is around the corner. It's lurking all around us, and it's inevitable

To live life and appreciate everything, everyone, every moment and be okay with the fact that that moment will not come back. 

Basically, don't hold onto things

"You go into this house, and then everything turns white, what do you feel?"
"Wow, you are ready to die." 

23.1.2016 • 24.1.2016

That's a valuable lesson right there. I used to be so afraid, I wouldn't say I'm not anymore, but I think I'm dealing with it better now. Maybe it's not so accurate for me to say that I've lost a lot of things/people before, but I have. And it used to hit me so hard, I held onto everything so tightly. Given though, I loved those things/people so, so much. I am so afraid of letting go, thinking I'll never have that anymore is like the worst thing to ever happen to me. 

Maybe I'm a hoarder. Maybe I'm a keeper, I like to keep things. But when it becomes irrelevant, you gotta throw it away. Clear up the space, new things will come along. New things to keep instead. 

I got a ring, made out of a soju cover, fitted perfectly. 

I've learnt that I can love them now, but if I can't love them anymore, that's okay. Because I loved them at that moment in time. Love is like, flowing. It's not like a pool of water, unmoving and permanent. 

Even though I'm slowly learning that lesson, writing these words already make my heart ache. It still hurts to let go, still hurts to lose something; but you still have to accept it. 

"Now imagine the sky, what does it look like?"
"My sky is bright, it's blue with some clouds here and there."
"That's how your life is right now." 

I haven't laughed so much in so long, I haven't felt this kind of freedom and joy. It's basically like nothing could stop me from having a good time, laughing out loud, saying what's on my mind, not having to fit my words into how society needs me to be. I wasn't afraid to look into anyone's eyes, I wasn't afraid of the consequences, I wasn't afraid anyone was going to judge me, I didn't care what anyone thought of me. I felt so.. free

I was happy. 

And I really want to feel like that more, it's been the longest time since I've felt genuinely happy. 

Thanks for the memories, you guys were amazing. 

1 comment:

soojin said...

Hi,Im just random stranger. I believe time solves everything and i know it might sound too typical. But i hope you are getting better and got better by now.

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