Wounded 2.0

Monday, January 18, 2016

These kind of physical constant pain always puts me in deep thoughts about all previous pains. Reading back, I was mulling about the pain in my teeth and how I was so close to giving up (which I was serious about) and still seeing how I've survived it, partially at least, and now here I am with a new pain. 

But first, hi from Seoul! My first post since leaving the country. I say it like its a big deal but it's basically a long holiday in a different and much colder city. I love being here, it has it's pros and cons. 

Back to the initial topic, new pain. Sigh. What happened is that I was heading up the really small straircase here in the hostel that I'm staying in and I kinda tripped and busted my big toe and.. The whole nail came off. I say it like its nothing now, but I was literally shaking in fear and maybe pain. Except the pain came much later because the cold took over most of the pain sensors. 

To include into my Korea experience is that my manager piggy backed me across the street, while it was snowing, to the small hospital. It would have been so romantic and such a movie worthy moment had it been someone else, heh. Nevertheless, I am very grateful for his back and for carrying me there. 

Now I'm here halfway through my workcation and I can barely walk anymore. Ugh, I didn't really want an experience like this, being here. 😔 

Coming back from the hospital, the pain was really really unbearable and there's this 7 Korean guys in the same dorm as me and they are packing their bags while I sit there trying to sob as quietly as I could. I always find it liberating to cry. 

But one cry session would bring my mind to every possible thing out there (or in my head) that would make me cry. And then, I literally won't stop. 

It's 2016, and everything has really been rather good until this happened. It's really put a dampener to my whole perspective of the new year now. I know, this too shall pass. My nail will grow back and it would all be fine and dandy again, except something else would probably happen. 

Seoul has been pretty good so far, we've made some temporary friends, multilingual conversations, we can learn so much from each other. 

There is still kindness left in the world. Thank you, guys, for the brief friendship. 

The injury gave me too much free time, cause I can't work anymore :/ and I do feel guilty for the giant work pile on my sister and the other girl. Trust me, I'd rather be working my ass off with them than to be in this pain. And with all the free time, is a lot of time to tweet and read and think and watch. 

I've slowly reverted back to thinking about last year and how this year will be different, but bad in some ways, good in some. I think it's going to have to happen, as much as I don't want it to. In Omar's words, "this is just life". I'm so afraid to graduate, to have to put myself out there again and grow up and the possibility of having to let some friendships grow cold. This year, there's going to be a lot of change. I think the transitions will take a toll on me, I don't do well with loss. Let's see how everything pans out :/ fingers crossed. 

Yep, all this free time is really bad. All this pain in my foot, is really bad too. 

My snowflakes :) 

I want to be bold this year, just do what I want to do in that moment, learn to say things that I want to say, say things I want to be heard. 

Will it be a mistake to open up again? 

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