Thursday, February 18, 2016

 In lieu of Valentine's Day which had passed uneventfully, celebrating my singledom, I've eaten more chocolate and had many long conversations. Its good to connect with people, unintentionally and accidentally shedding some tears along the way, sleeping when the sun rises (again) and thinking about the uncertain future. You've crossed my mind more than you should have, I'm trying not to get too used to it.

Now, I don't exactly believe in horoscopes, but as the new year came around, I couldn't help but show some interest in the terrifying true horoscope readings. There is so much truth in that one paragraph that it becomes extremely hilarious and also horrifying. 

Her patience is incredible? I have a few people who can attest to that, hahaha. Stability and security, yes. Devoted? Mmhmm.

"She has a lot to give but she requires a lot in return."
This sentence, is the whole truth.

This Valentine's Day wasn't exactly as depressing as I thought I would be feeling, I was feeling more jaded that ever before. It just served as a reminder that there wasn't anyone really that I wanted to be with, weighing my choices out, I didn't choose any sadly. There's a small part of me that's probably pouting, with slumped shoulders sitting at the back of my mind whining about it, but for the most part its mostly just like a numbed kind of heartache where it reminds me how sad I am but not really sad. Does that make any sense? 

Then there are parts of me that's feeling at loss because well.. I always want what I can't have. In a completely different continent, I wish you are happy. 

I saw that tower again, saw the glass windows and all the has beens. Reminded once again how much I loved you and how hurt I was, and not how happy I was on that day in that place, but how sad I was. 

This year, my theme is "be bold, and always honest". I think its more of being honest to myself. There's no point sugar coating the truths anymore. I want to be bold enough to say what I want to say. I don't know who reads this and who doesn't, and maybe I shouldn't care at all.

...I hope.

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