Victims of the night

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

A few days ago, I received an official-er apology for something that I tried hard to bury. I never wanted to be reminded of those days, and honestly speaking, I have no idea how I made it through. I mean, I  remember how I slowly withdrew from the world and lost all my joy. And I remember how I slowly regained my humour, how I was still loved by others, and even more slowly learnt to accept myself again. I barely remember those days in detail anymore, its all a blur of shitty times and I just grouped them all up and shoved them in the far back of my mind. With one "sorry", they suddenly resurfaced.

Now its going to take me awhile to forget that the conversation happened. 

I'm okay now, the apology did nothing for my pain. I didn't need to know, I want nothing more. I couldn't bring myself to say 'its okay', because its not. I couldn't say 'you deserve it', but it doesn't mean I didn't think it, but I don't feel bad for you. I'm not a bad person, I just care for me more than I care for you now.

My only take from that conversation was 'thank you for the apology, you deserve everything that's coming your way, be it good or bad'.

Stone cold.  

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