Sucker for the wild ones.

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

"as if i was already not these things
before i met you.
as if i did not remain all these
once you left.”

There it is, the procrastination post. Finals is in a week (I was saying two weeks last week, but now its really down to a week and I'm secretly petrified) and I think I am pretty much screwed if I don't start now. Today my stepmom was telling me how relieved she was when she finally started working because she enjoyed working and making real results instead.

For awhile now, I didn't want to go into the workforce (instead, i'll just join unemployment). But today, like right now, at this current moment, this current moment after I just encountered a snake, it looked me in the eye and I turned around and ran, and I am still alive, I am thinking, maybe I am also quite done with studying. Or am I? Maybe I'll change my mind again right after finals and I'm just as lost as all the other twenty-somethings trying to figure out where to go in life. But right now, I think its not such a bad thing to be done with studying. We all just want to be something.

I have realised that I find it so hard to let go of this phase in life because it really is, the one thing I'm good at (so far). That is being a student. Haha, I do well at sleeping past 3am and missing all my Monday morning classes and partying on a Friday night, doing my assignments a day before and still submitting on time, with a piece that is not as shitty as I imagined, having long group meetings and planning for presentations and projects and doing just pretty well as a student. But I've always doubted if I would still excel if I was no longer a student? Would I?

Fear is natural, I get that part.

Lets just pull through another few weeks, then spend those sleepless nights trying to figure out a path for the future while I spend these sleepless nights "studying". So far, the "holiday" has been good. Let's try to create a new pattern now. The stress pattern, haha. When did I get so lame.

But first, a little recap. 

On the 29th of May, I had some really good salmon, and for the first time ever, wagyu beef. It was so good, but I know it would have been ever better if I was not wearing braces.

Thank you for the birthday treat, for the good company, for the all the laughter and also the good-emo songs.

Also, I withstood the heat of the afternoon and the large crowd of people which gives me anxiety to go visit Omar at this convocation (although technically I was there after) and I am so proud of you! I'll be the next, and possibly last of all of us to graduate. But its alright, now that you're back in Malaysia.

And then, the party was on. Its so good to finally party with Omar again, and some new friends ;) thanks for a great night, guys.

Also, I got a very, very pretty snowflake necklace as a birthday present! My first snowflake, trust that it will be cherished.  

Procrastination over. Please go study, self, please

"Crashing, hit a wall
Right now I need a miracle
Hurry up now,
I need a miracle

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