"沒有誰能把妳搶離我身旁."

Hello, from Shanghai! 

Its been a strange journey. I'm at my 2nd weekend here and.. well. Everything is a contradiction. I can't seem to really figure out what I feel about everything that is happening. There's good, there's bad, but I have no idea which is more and which is less and which is appealing to me more. Things are not exactly better here, but not exactly worse either.

I'm not exactly homesick (yet) I think. I miss home, of course I do. I think I am fun-sick, not homesick. There is nothing to do here, literally. I can't move around freely, the sky gets dark at 6pm then the whole world seems to stop turning. I would like to explain where I am exactly, but honestly, even I'm not sure. I am just.. in the middle of plantations and trees and long, straight highways. Rivers. There's a lot of river here. I think I am doing a really bad job at explaining.

Let me supply you with a photo..

Work-wise, everything is weird. I have definitely been spoilt by the corporate life, the big MNCs, international business. Now I am here, in a really small room, with a really big screen but a small table, the glare gives me a headache everyday. The aircon is a standing aircon, which power actually amuses me, because it looks like tiny and Chinese, compared to those giant freezing cold centralized aircon they have in tall buildings. There are no tall buildings here. It seems like the tallest building I've seen nearby is the apartment building next to mine, its probably like 18 floors tall? Hmm.

There's a lot of green. Green everywhere. Its a green, open spaced prison here. Its like a prison from fun. I have no idea what they do for fun here. Maybe that's why Chinese people are so addicted to the dramas and series. Hmm. What about life beyond a screen?

I am here, writing this, facing a screen, because I also don't have anything to do outside also. Can't go anywhere on my own. Its really funny, because I am with a Moroccan very often, and he looks like a foreigner. They're shocked at fact that he can speak Chinese. But then they look at me and they're like "You're not Chinese?? You don't speak Chinese?" in such disbelief, its amusing at the opposite reactions we are getting. I've told people I am American.. Singaporean? So funny, probably I will say Korean next. I can't seem to place myself in any other countries. Any further Asian country suggestions?

Today as I sat alone at the China Gong Cha, with an American setting (lol at the contradictions in China is epic). My life here is a contradiction. As I was saying, I was sitting at iGong Cha alone, and I kinda wanted to be alone. But the weather was good and chill, the place was decent, there were people walking around and there were dogs running around, lights and all. And in that moment I didn't want to be alone.

 I literally still don't know what's going on in my life, still not able to get my shit together, still no idea what to do with myself. My heart is heavy, it's everywhere, in different places, in pieces, it's definitely not settled. 

Time is a friend and the biggest enemy.