It's already Q4 of 2020. We're 3 days into the last quarter of the year, it's been a blurry roller coaster ride. Occasional highs, many many dips that flew past so quickly, but also was so low I can't ignore it. Perhaps this year is one of those years where I would look forward to the next one, just hoping the pandemic will be under control and our new 'future' normals can actually kick in and we can be free again.
Honestly, this whole working from home experience is really the most free-ing just yet. I do like not going into the office everyday, getting up at 8am just to make it there on time. But its also taking away my little social life. I wish work was enough to take my mind off the other things that keep bothering me.
I don't look forward to get disappointed again this end of the year, it seems like it's not exactly gonna be easy either. In between giving up and letting go, both things I'm very very bad at doing, and opening up? This trio combo is killing me. I thought I was ready, I mean.. I am ready. But I never wanted to let go, I always always want what I want, or who I want. It doesn't just change.
You've buried that side and I've conditioned my mind to believe it, so we should be okay. We're going to be okay. I'm not giving up my life's mission. ;')
So, this new beginning. Well, it's the first time I've been so open about it. Now I realize that this opens up chances for more wounds than I can probably take. Is it worth it? My mind's playing tricks on me as usual. God, are we done with the karma yet? Are we done with the jokes and the teasing?
This post is also all over the place and completely necessary, like the many other thoughts in my head. I don't know what I'm doing once again. I know I just want to sleep a lot. This exhaustion has not left me, perhaps it never will.
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