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사랑은 안 변해 사람이 변해.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

circumstances & consequences.
responsibilities & results.


when will it be my turn?

Keep my love for you.

Friday, March 18, 2011


God tells me to welcome change.

I can't tell what changed.
I'm still doubtful, still confused, still fearful.
I'm still learning.
The road, I don't see it anymore.

Don't think.

Thursday, March 17, 2011


I got it. (: If i ever find the will to, maybe i'll go get another.
But for now, i'm broke.

Noone's ever gone too far down the wrong road
and not be able to turn back.
God will make a way.
Some way. Someday.

More than never.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Went to Vivocity today. I practically spent a whole day there. Walked to every corner. Found my way to St. James Powerhouse which was the club that se7en performed in. :(

Then I walked. And walked. And walked again.


It was a 525m walk to and another 525m back on the Sentosa Boardwalk. It was evening, the sun was setting, quite a pretty sight if the sun wasn't glaring at my face the way it was.


I walked the whole 525m and then bought a pretty awesome and expensive iced lemon tea and walked back. I think we had to pay to get in but I didn't really dare to go nearer to pry. It was a good walk though.

I spent the whole day trying on clothes and shoes that I could and would never buy.


This not so impressive looking piece of denim dress did have alot of impressive little designs on it, like how every button on it is actually different and every denim used to piece it together is also different. This dress, it costs $209. -.-


This was from a very cute shop on some other mall connected (i have no idea how i got there, just alot of walking) with a very nice sales asst. and it was something like $89. Ahh. Fat.


I just wanted to wear something red. Its hard to find a red item in a not-so-intimidating-shop so I could just try in on and tell them I didn't want it. It was pretty and simple.


This was found in some other random place I walked into with a scary China aunty who was very nice who kept shoving clothes through the very transparent cloth to me. These kind of sales ppl are creepy. I don't want to have to become one. The clothes there are so cool and are apparently handmade (some had really nice drawings). That pair of really nice pink pants was $149. It had bells on it. LOL. The top was something like $49. Why would I buy some slightly lose and transparent top for $49?


Topshop? Lol. It's supposed to make people look skinny. Not.


Now this. Was completely tempting. Thank God I don't bring money out with me. Not enough to afford this anyway. Sighs. T_T The shop's called M)phosis. I have no idea how i'm supposed to pronounce it.

The most ridiculous priced thing I've seen to far is a $40 pair of flip flop. Seriously. They were just flip flops. The most normal looking pair of flip flops. I walked into Ted Baker. Didn't even dare to try anything. The placed looked to scary, other than the fact that everything was.. huge.


Coming home. Just for awhile.

Skipping ropes.

Friday, February 25, 2011

By the time i leave this place, my resentment for kids will be at the highest point and at that moment, I will never be able to deal with any ever again. Ever. Maybe forever. Even the cute ones are just so.. meh.

I want them to just like. Disappear. Really. I'm mean. I know. There's this thing called privacy. Yeah, that thing. I need it. Now go away. Its as simple as that. My patience is wearing thin.

Works been surprisingly okay. The first two days were the death of me but now it feels like the most normal thing I do. Stand around everyday.

I make mistakes. New mistakes, new lessons. I've learnt many.

Tomorrow..?

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Today I got free ice cream.
Today I listened to my colleagues talk about kissing their tall boyfriends and the first time they did.. it (in their words). 15 is.. young.
Today I moped about not being able to see se7en.
Today I moped about not going to SS3 Malaysia.
Today I moped about how I still don't have 470$.
Today I might've enjoyed my day.
Today I'm still alive.

Tomorrow.. Let's hope I'm still alive.

없음.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

I've worked 2 days, messed up more than i can remember. I never thought it'd be easy. But still.. I suddenly realised that in the end i still chose a job where there is no 남자. Oh well. There's alot who walk pass everyday. Some really.. 즐거움. The hair especially.

When i'm not trying to memorize the colour of the shirt and where its placed, i just stand and.. watch. Sighsss.

괜찮아.

So. I can finally cut the 'go to uniqlo' off my to-do-list.
짜잔!


No, i didn't buy it. T_T I secretly took a picture of it. I WILL buy it when I have the money to. God please let it still be there when I get my pay. Sighs. It was so hard to walk away from it.



오빠 야, 기다려.

Relax, I'll be there.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

I.. am still in Singapore. I still sleep so late and wake up so late. Today I walked the kids the school. I wonder how old was I when I went to tuition without my mum walking me in. Come to think of it, I don't think she ever did. I never had much tuition anyway. Doesn't this already show how much slightly stupider i am? What am i talking about now. Ish.

Today i heard the kid shouting at my grandfather. I was this close to going out there and giving her a huge slap on her face, helping her learn to respect. Omg i'm gonna be a terrible aunt to my sister and friends' kids. Let me apologize beforehand.

Today i went for a traumatizing interview and walked around the same mall, the same floor, 4 times. Then i took half an hour to go to another mall to do the same thing. Alone.



This.. sky garden thing. It took me an hour to get to this mall. It was apparently very 'in' in Singapore. Is that like a cool Singaporean term? It wasn't too bad. There were a lot of.. students. Young, happy, smiling, slightly annoying. There was this group of friends in the shop.

Girl : See this. Isn't this cute? 16.90$ leh. You can put this in an envolope and pass it to her.
Boy : What is it? No need lah. I can ask my friend to give it to her.
Girl 2 : Why are you buying something for her? Is she going oversees?

Anyway, the point to that conversation is how it makes me nostalgic. Going to school, asking your friend to pass present to the person. Sighs. I feel old all over again.


Lou sang? Yeah. I think i.. need that 10As. T_T Sighss.


오늘 송중기 만났다. 인사 수가 없었어. 내가슬픈지.


그리워요. 집.

THE GUI LING GOU OF MY LYFE.

Friday, February 4, 2011

SUPER SHOW 3 SINGAPORE

Day 2 :

I'm just gonna randomly mention things in this post now.

Lets see how it got started. We woke up early, sent my friends off to the bus station. We were one stop away from the Stadium, it would've been completely stupid to not go there. The main point was initially to just collect Wookie stuff for Kristal and ourselves. And then we reach and.. things happened. Haha. We were inquiring at the counter about the tickets, 20% off kononnya. We left the counter to umm.. count if we actually had enough money to buy the tickets. While we were slightly busy counting, an Indonesian girl came over and asked us if we wanted to buy her tickets for 250$. We were like.. 'why not?' Lol.

She disappeared after awhile because apparently Suju just arrived at the stadium for rehersal. Might i remind you that during all of these events, the rain was still falling. -.- After everything, all we could come up with was 240$. She kindly accepted it. I felt slightly bad.


We hung around that creepy mall opposite the stadium for the whole afternoon until we had to go in. We had absolutely no money left for anything. All we had were coins, even lunch was a problem. At that moment, it didn't matter much. (:



Min's pretending to sing Yesung's part when they all stuffed his face with mics. There was alot of nonsensical english from them. Stuff like 'Are you happy? Am i happy? I am happy. We all happy." Or things like 'You want water? You want towel? You want money? HAHAHA.' And more 'I love Singapore.' And 'What's up, Singapore?' I think it was almost all they could say.


They were seriously happy that day, completely hyper. They ran around alot, played with the fans alot, messed around with each other alot, took alot of pictures. Sighs. Of course i wish it was me, it'd always be 10 tens better if it was me, but right now, i'm just gonna settle with being able to see them smile in the first place. Real, genuine smiles. So precious to me, all of them. (:



Heechul was also (finally) happy. He posed for pictures, talked to his fans, played around with a jjinbbang fan that he got. Gah. His smile was just.. *faints*. It was such a sight, he walked around with a smile on his face and all. I tried to keep my eyes on his the whole show through but Hae kept distracting me. Yes, i can actually love all of them that much. It's awesome. Them, i mean.


Hyuk was just being his usual self. Playful, shy, teasing. Haha. And naked Siwon from the front is all kinds of awesome. I tell myself all the time that someday, just someday, i'm gonna have to get used to it. But that day's not going to be soon.


At the end, they did their infamous, thumbs up and kissing thing. I think they all directed the kiss to Hyuk. *flails* After the 3 of them left, Hae was still standing there and he said "Give me the music." Wahhhhh. So adorableee.


Post concert face. (: We walked out into the rain again after that. -.- Oh, with the goodie bag of course. Which has a weird looking blue lightstick in it and some funny hand slapping thing in a transparent bag that says Super Junior. I left the stadium contented. Everytime i pass by the Stadium MRT station, i'm so tempted to just go down and wait for another Super Junior concert. SS3 Malaysia, please happen. >_<


It's all good. For now.

I would die for you, but you won't do the same.

Monday, January 31, 2011

SUPER SHOW 3 IN SINGAPORE!

Day 1 :

I did after all come searching for an adventure and SS3 is the best first adventure here ever. It was alot of walking, sitting on really hard ground, sleeping on fliers, being under the rain at 4am and nowhere much to go. It was alot of sacrificing and i think i can still say that going through all that was still pretty much worth it. I know, the kind of love i have for these 13 men in a idol group scares me too, but i'm proud of it.



We reached spore at about 7 and headed over to the stadium at about 9.30pm. We were hungry and didn't know where to go. We snooped around a lil and almost got caught for breaking in to the stadium. Eekk. That was a lil scary. After eating (expensive food), we settled next to a wall and spent the whole night there. I took the first train back, got freshened up, rushed all the way back.. to sit in line again. -.-


After being tagged and brought to toilet breaks, running around for 15 minutes trying to get some free stuff, we were finally let in. Ran around the pit trying to pick a spot to stand, decided to be right in the front and well.. waited.



It started, i used my throat wrongly, now it hurts whenever i try to raise my voice, not that i would need it much now until SS3 Msia. (:

They came out with Sorry Sorry Remixed which is all sexy and all. And i really can't recall much but i definitely watched all the choreography from up close and damn they're sexy expressions. Screamed my head off for Henry and Zhoumi because i think the crowd weren't nice enough to them (as usual) and they deserve all the love from me. ^^ The crowd definitely loved 'Baby' though. Zhoumi was all sexy and long legged for his solo with his flippy hair and eyeliner. At the end when they were saying goodbye, Kyu even came out and made fun of his dance.



I think it was during 'No Other' when Kyu came and stood in front of us for awhile. That glamorously beautiful smirk he gave us when he was going away was just.. scream inducing. He did his cute lil waving thing and then well.. left.



This was the most.. memorable moment. Ever. I was completely blinded by his beautiful shining smile and he was just being all.. Teukie. *swoons*

Heechul was sooooooooo.. beautiful. Gah. There was alot of moments with Donghae and Siwon when they were supposed to be dancing, he just keeps shooting them smiles at them and I wanna like.. grab his off stage or something.



Kyu came behind Teukie and hid for awhile while Teukie was still waving. Sighssss.

There's alot to mention but i really don't think i can and everything in this post is already at random. So here goes some random. Zhoumi's legs are like half the size of the girl dancers. Sungmin didn't pull off his shirt which was slightly disappointing. However, seeing the whole thing from up close was just.. breathtaking. It was a lil too much for my innocent heart to handle.


Hyuk was as usual, sexy during the duet. I freakin saw him tear off the front of his shirt. Whhoooot. I think i almost died. Shindong ran over a few times, he was his usual self, happy. Most annoying part was that they barely walked pass us. Sighsss.



Siwon. BWAHAHAHA. Kristal and I had many umm.. moments together staring at Siwon. Its not my fault, he wasn't wearing a shirt. I tried really hard to stop watching him. If its any consolation to myself, i did stop after uhh.. hips. HAHA. Then looking at Yesung and Sungmin wasn't much difference anyway. GAH. I'm going outta my brains now.

There were some pretty good quotes from Yann and Eunice with all the time we spent together hobo-ing at the stadium, some that goes along the line of 'did you take drugs?' Lol.

Oh, and we took pictures in the middle of the street at 3 in the morning, running around because Yann was scared of standing at the middle of the cross section on the road. Fun times.

Despite being super tired, having bruises on my knees, on my arms, on my chest from leaning against the railing so much, i did enjoy almost every moment of it.

Day 2 coming right up. (:

난이 좋지 않아요.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Someone, anyone, please buy me some sleeping pills.
And some shoes.

도와 줘요.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

This kind of 우정, I really don't understand. Its very sad when I actually consider us 친구 and yet we are nothing more and nothing less. Someone precious to me and yet we can't even communicate. What is this exactly? Everyone probably has some people like this in their lives. Are we all just gonna leave it as it is? Don't blame me, I tried. I actually did. I made an effort, one that's usually unlikely to happen. Making small moves like that is pretty hard for me but for the sake of it, i do. I can't change this, I've been trying. This is really weird. I don't even know why i'm blogging about this. This is very unlike me.

오 마이곧. 난 이상하네. T_T

Getting used to it.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Today I took some pictures with many trees, pretty ones i must add, despite how i never had much love for the nature. Sorry, God. =/ Got another few mosquito bites from this.



Then I climbed up a.. tank. Would've gone higher but there were ppl walking around and all. Next time. (:



Then i went for a walk/jog/run/stop thing. I loved the wind. It was.. liberating. LOL.



Then I took a picture with a cat statue. I've been there many many times but i've never ever took a picture with the cat, how absurd is that.



Then I went to visit mummy because it is the only place I can walk to and where it is not deserted and the only thing to do. Hmmm. People. Haven't seen much.


Boring, i know.

Just live.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Happy New Year. (:

It's already 2011. It's been a slightly uneventful year for me cause there was only 1 event (supposedly) for all 17 year olds. -.-

But that's okay. I've decided not to harbor any discontent towards it because its
(also supposedly)
life changing.

I'm ready for more and i think this is the first new year i've enjoyed. No, i'm not any less confused about life right now, but I could care less right now.

Confidence, he says. Hmm. Maybe this year i could find some. I still don't know if i've anything to live for, but you know what, just live.

Whatever it is, just live.

Ya'll here that? Don't die this year, or next year, or any other year. Let the world end on its own, don't end mine for me. (:

'내꺼, 사랑한다.' Best line i've heard in 2010. LOL.

flash.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

A lil late but..

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Lol. New year's coming already and i really dunno what to feel about it. I was excited for awhile with all the possibilities that could happen. Apparently, fear's got the better of me. Again.

Sighs. Either way, let's just live. Forget about everything else.




내 소중한 친구 들.

Still in my crib.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

I suddenly lost all the Christmas spirit and its only 2 days to Christmas spirit. T_T



Oh well. I like big teddy bear, their arms specifically.

Sometimes change is.. good.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010


Last day at school. Slightly nostalgic about it. But, life goes on.

I'm probably gonna start or umm.. continue crazy blogging. Like i mentioned (to nobody, and since nobody reads this, i think thats alright too), i am trying to get a life back. I'd like to think of it as continuing it after putting on halt for a long time. Nevertheless, the fear of it is still getting to me.

I.. changed. I might not like saying it, but i always believe in admitting the truth. I'm probably still never going to be the same again and the thought of it is just so surreal. I didn't notice i'd been in denial for that long.

Life changing experiences, I'm looking for you. Come find me now, i think i'm ready to take another step forward.

Finally.

Today while i was alone (again, as usual), I guess it didn't feel so fine anymore. I don't even know if that's a good thing, its been too long. I feel.. old. Its like i lived life for too long, died and floated around or something. I really don't make sense nowadays.

Sighs.

2.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

I think my brain's dying everyday.
Oh well, i don't need it much now, do i?

(: Freedom.

1.

i'm right there at the edge of the world
thinking maybe i should turn around
pinky promises and things to want
thinking maybe its okay to fall
reaching just a lil higher
falling just a lil further
thinking maybe i'll get there someday
future is once again blurred
the words of a sinner
sorry i couldn't do better
losing a quarter
hopefully never
don't miss this now
yesterday's gone
thinking maybe,
maybe its time to breathe
will i be alive tomorrow?

And sleep. Whooo. I just came up with a random poem. Read carefully and maybe it'll make sense. Didn't know i could come up with things like things. Maybe i should try again. Soon.

내일?

Sunday, December 5, 2010

매일 죽어가는 느낌, 나.
언제?
혼자.

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