I am blessed. 

I have been blessed. 

I might still be blessed in time to come. 

I just constantly need a whack on the head to make me realise that. 

Its okay to suffer, if we're living for Him. 

I think I understand that.

I'm living.

Jiggy.

"I can show you my everything."
-4MEN, 사랑해

I would never say that out loud to anyone. Maybe, I'll learn.

Elbows together.

 Last day of orientation, classes start tomorrow.
I need to stop blogging so much.

Learn to love.

What is it?

The most constantly asked question not only to me but i think to alot of people as well; "Are you okay?" or "How are you?". It bothers me that I can never actually really answer  those questions. Its unnerving when I don't feel like lying but I can't tell the truth. I can never just bring myself to say that I am okay. But its not like i'm not okay. It bothers me when there's nothing wrong with me and that already shows how something is wrong with me. Why can't I just be.. okay? 

College has started. 2nd day of orientation. And i'd like to say that I have friends. But.. I'm not too sure. By tomorrow which is the last day of orientation, everything i've gotten used to for the past 2 days will change again and once more, i'd hit the restart button. Its amazing how easy it is to pretend like we actually know each other.

This one day that caught me off guard, traumatized me a little, a mere near death experienced that came and went. Just like the wind. 

Lol. Fail poetry. 

Farewell.

Blink twice, then you're gone.

We have to have our run first. I've ran and now i've returned back home. 

How many times will i have to run until I feel that i've ran far enough?

Cherished and created, lost and forgiven, not forgotten.

Super 8 was a terrible movie. 

College starts in a week.

Its not like I'm looking forward to it, but its not like i'm not. Its also not like i'm not prepared for it. I had 7 months to prepare. I'll never be prepared. I feel like I should pack my whole life and bring it with me. Then I think again and i figured that there'll be nothing left. Once again, nothing to come back to.
I should learn to unpack.

I'd like to think that now its time to stop. 

Stop running, stop fearing. 

Damn ,when did i get this weak? 

잊지 말아요.

빠져 하면안돼.

빠져 하면안돼.

빠져 하면안돼.

얼마나 무서운데.

I don't wanna be there.

"난 남자니까 모두 참아 모두모두 견뎌"

이것은 사실인가? ᄏᄏᄏᄏ 

Its been bugging me for awhile but I never asked. Sad, right?

  ***

기뻐.

Its 5 in the morning and i have too much 술 in my system. 1st time. Lets consider it the best for now.

Indefinitely.

 I hope to say that this was one of my best week for as long as I can remember but I'm not going to just in case karma comes and hits me from the back.

시작하다.

파란 꽃. 좋다. (:

 Road trip! 

It was one long, tiring, day. I think it was worth it too.

Pick-a-hope. Very hopeful right, this thing. -.- So from now on, I shall be Nothing.

If I were to do essay-blogging, this would end up really long. And I can't really tell what's wrong with me yet, considering how i'm constantly consciously lying to myself, essay-blogging is a big No right now. 

CPU Prom 2011 :  

Mass of dancing bodies. ᄏᄏᄏᄏ Its really too bad i didn't see it. Hmmm.

Acquaintances? People? Friends? 이것은 위험 해지고있다. ᄒᄒᄒ
 

내 사랑. ᄏᄏᄏ

재미있었는데. 분명히.  

내가 미쳤되고 계속 거야.  

한숨 쉬다. 미쳤어요, 내가.

그냥 한 번만.

그냥..

KL. Hmm. I'll learn to get used to it.

Lighters.

I'm finally back in Ipoh. Something new happens everyday, it's been interesting, somewhat exciting, partly tiring. 

This. This is all weird. THIS. AISH. I don't know what to say, I don't even know if i would want it remembered on this blog. Hmm. Oh well. Just having fun. I'm gonna read this a year or 2 later and not remember a thing about what i'm typing right now. 

Aish. Don't wanna blog anymore. Lol. Point is, i'm back in Ipoh and its nice to be home but I really wished I had a room to call mine. =/ I never knew i had such a big problem with sharing. 

Its undefinable.

빛나는 별.

Part III.

So my pictures are pretty much a mess. That's blogger for me.

They started off with Perfection (of course) and then they had a short introduction thing for awhile. Moving on to Blue Tomorrow. Min, who was so beautiful, i swear i was blinded by his smile, not the blinding lights shining out from the stage. He was the happiest I've seen him ever, face to face. Or more like face to face with a few hundred ppl between us. When the music for Blue Tomorrow started and they moved to their places and Min pulled up his ribbon thing on his neck and looked at it, then smoothen it back down. It was so adorable. It looked like he was trying to see if his ribbon was the same length or something.


This is Henry coming out and singing the beginning of 'Baby' when the MC asked who's the baby in the group and they all pointed at Henry. I constantly fail to remember how young he actually is. He's the thinnest I've seen him, lost his signature mochi cheeks, his face is practically V-lined now. Sighs. I also never realised he was that much taller than Wook. ᄏᄏᄏ



This is when Zhou Mi spanked Kyu's butt while explaining how he becomes a strict teacher when he has to teach them Mandrin and they don't cooperate. It was so cute, all the KyuMi fans must be rejoicing in the fanservice. And then the MC asked who's the most shy and Kyu answered in chinese and hid behind Mi and when SerenaC said that he shouldn't hide behind him, he went and hid behind Hyuk instead. It looked like Hyuk had no idea what's going on.



Wook's solo. It was all kinds of awesome. He finally did the whole song. His smile was so.. *swoons*. Its just this thing he does. He just sings and when he stops, he suddenly flashes a really big smile before continuing. He has definitely mastered the How To Kill Fangirls skills. Sighs. He walked quite near the edge of the stage and I could see him quite clearly, it was breathtaking. He was.


Interviewing time. Kyu said something like 'Wo you yi tian.. Hen re.' which translates to "I'm a little.. very hot." His Mandrin is just always hilarious to me.

Oh. And they had 6 fans going up to ask them questions and Min's fanboy was.. touching him. Lol. At the end, they can actually hug SJM but Min shook his hand instead and Wook sneakily said 'Hug hug' at the side, so they did. Lucky guy. So cute. Hyuk's fan asked if he still wears the members' underwear and Hyuk was all "Its mine. If you want, I show you." AHH. Okay. Enough flailing.


Hyuk's solo. One word. Sexy. Very. It was the last solo performance and everyone was pretty much crazy once he stepped out in his shiny red shirt with Beats headphones and then he took his time to sexily pull on his glove and then did a Michael Jackson tribute with a million kinds of thrusting and completely scream inducing.His jawline. OMG it's a million times sexier when you see it real. But he also has gotten alot thinner. Hmmm.



Zhoumi's solo was so fantastic elastic, really. Okay maybe not so elastic cause i don't think he's very stretshy. His nose. His nose is like.. perfect. He's all perfect. Even when he's just standing there, its like he's posing for a photoshoot. His smile is all sunshine and he sings. Really well. Lol. He was pretty close too and he kept making all these faces when he was singing. Aigoo.


Min and Wook. So beautiful. That's all I can say. I never took my eyes of Min the whole time and when I couldn't see him, I watched Wook.



Kyu's solo. He didn't walk out to the platform. So sad. I barely got to see him at all throughout the performances but he did end up dancing in front of our area during Super Girl and his hair was like messy and stuck to his forehead and it was bouncy and all. Totally adorable. He was pretty un-snarky this time but he was still him.



Saying their final goodbyes. Min was all 'Saya sayang Malaysia' and stuff. And Henry was all 'I was in Taiwan and I didn't want to leave Taiwan and now I'm in Malaysia and I don't want to leave Malaysia' in his accent and all. So cute. I miss him already.


After encore, final bow and they left. ):

The one thing that I am completely upset about and its not even the annoying girl next to me who kept trying to push me and then we ended up leaning on each other the whole time or the fact that I was stepping on something slimy and sticky and totally gross or the fact that the lady in front of me was almost a head taller than me and I couldn't see a thing or when the girl further in front holds up her placard and blocks the whole of Min's face from my sight and I try not to scream at her or throw something at her head, no. It was the fact that LEE DONGHAE 이동해 (the love of my life) DID NOT COME. HE DID NOT COME. AT ALL. Sighs. SO EXTREMELY SAD. Okay. Snapping out of it now.

They were AWESOME.
<3

1 Malaysia.

Part II.

After standing and being squashed for about 3 hours, finally something happened.
Local acts.


I have no idea who he is but his song was called "Cerita Batinku", something like that? The song is screamy and he's trying to be all cool messing with the mic stand but really.. not cool.


She was cool, good singer, don't know who she is either. I liked her best though. The long-haired guitarist looked like a real young boy. Kinda cute la.


She sang Mercy. I already don't like Mercy but well. I feel bad for them. I wasn't even listening half attentively to them. I was only concerned about how my shoulder hurts and how i can't feel like leg and how the girl next to me kept pushing me.



She was the first to come up. She tried to get the crowd to jump but i think they just stared up at her blankly. Lol. Poor girl. There was no space to stand, I don't think jumping would have been a good idea.


She was cool too. I liked her song and once again, I have no idea who she is.

How nice of me to put one post up just for the local acts. Lol.

I think they finally decided to push Suju M up because apparently after that, Hujan and Kristal(?) was gonna come up but the crowd was really just.. Elfs. (:

Its currently 3am and I'm still pretty much awake but I'll write part III (and the most important part) tomorrow and I pray I dream of Min later. ᄏᄏᄏ

Himpunan Sejuta Belia

Part I.

We reached about 3.30pm(?) and on our way there, the drove past us, that woke me up immediately, my heart rate was already getting extremely abnormal, i only managed to catch a glimpse of Henry's backup dancer. -.- They were driving so fast anyway, about 5-6 seven seaters, all the windows tinted and covered.

Walked in and tried to find the main stage (there were few sad small stages with random ppl playing) and immediately when we neared, we heard the screams. Started running, stood outside the barricades and there they were. From the side, we can see Kyu and Hyuk backstage doing rehersals. At that moment, it hasn't really hit me that 'Oh, i'm looking at Hyuk right now. He's standing right there with his black fedora and black V-neck, with Kyu sitting down, messy hair, looking real thin, and just.. singing.' It was.. wow. Then we heard Zhou Mi, he was wearing a very fashionable denim sleeveless jacket, superbly tall, perfect hair. Then Henry's backup dancers, who i saw in the van, came out, they rehearsed with Henry watching them from backstage in his trademark white cap and red-white stripped shirt. Don't ask me why i have to mention what they're all wearing.


That's Henry backstage watching his dancers. Dancing along at some point, completely adorable.

They didn't let us into the front where the stage is, only after the launching which starts at 5. So we.. finally tore ourselves away from the stage and wondered around for awhile. There was alot of things going on, alot of things on sale and alot of people.



This was taken when in the beginning, when we were not dying yet. But it was hot. Very hot. Then it drizzled for awhile. -.-



The launching started, finally. Followed by alot of speeches and other random stuff. We did sing Negaraku and I did listen to our PM's speech about "Youth is not about the future. Youth is about today. Hari ini." and on and on about how we will be seated in one of the parlimen seats in the future and how we will protect Putrajaya. Uhh. Yeah, sure.



Then we walked away and they did alot of other stuff while we sat there and watched the tent. Lol. For artists. It was really funny when at some point, they tied the doors up, it was as if they didn't have enough ppl to guard the doors to prevent ppl from going in.



The launching ended with there paragliders flying over with their coloured smokes. That part was pretty cool.

Soon after, the launching was over and we tried to get in. And that's where we started dying. We finally got in and.. stuck. Stuck there standing in the middle of the crowd and not being able to move. Or breathe. There was no space, no air, just ppl. Alot of ppl and BO. Sighs. The things we do for the people we love.



And the wait started. Sighs.

기다린날도,지워질날도.

I have fringe like Jo's now. Hmmm. Her's is prettier. She'd never read this. ᄒᄒᄒᄒ
Mummy's gonna freak when she sees me. Oops.

I don't regret it. I don't love it. I don't hate.
Give me some time.

Now, I need to do intensive packing. Aigoo. I think it just suddenly hit me that I have to leave, I'm not too sure if i'm actually sad about it. I don't think I fit in at all here, but I pretty much got used to it. Ipoh? KL? Hmm. I miss having friends. Really. I think that's about it.

This is completely random but I really really miss 동해오빠.
Sighss.

Breathtaking gifts.

"How've you been?"
"I sit around and get fat everyday."

"Oh, hello. Where did you go?"
"Somewhere else."

"What are you doing?"
"The same thing i did yesterday."

******

I chose.

Falling rain.

At the very awesome lift in Iluma. I don't know why I never noticed the roof garden thing (that every mall in spore seem to have) at Iluma when I went there last time. Was the cinema always there? Hmmm.

I blame all my crazy shopaholic antics at my 3 best friends who are all stressed and depressed. Aish. I try to be apathetic but really, apathy's not for me. I'll just spend more time praying. Now that i actually have no more money to shop anymore, I'll have to resort to doing other things.

The kids. Sighs. The kids.
The food. Sighs. The food.
The life. Sighs. The life.

Oh, God.

내가 부족한가 봐.

So i've made a collection. ᄒᄒᄒᄒ. 난 행복해.

내가 미쳤어.
완전.

希.

*maniacal laughter*
ᄒᄒᄒᄒᄏᄏᄏᄏ 희희희희



Look what I found. For $5.90, I think it was completely worth it.


And just because I wanted to see this picture on my blog. (:

**************

I had a whole post up on my 11 days back in Malaysia and I swear I had it already posted up and the next day i checked, blogger was down for maintenance of some sort and the whole post disappeared. -.-

Now i'm slightly too lazy to re-do and re-up the whole thing. Sighs. Someday. I'll do it, someday.

Hubs and cribs.

I got on the most interesting lift yesterday. Its almost antique, this lift. It was at a surprisingly busy part of Singapore. Lets not go into detail on why i was there.

When i walked into the building, there's this weird buttons that looked like up and down. I was slightly flustered when i couldn't press any of the buttons. Creepily, one of the lift doors was open. I quickly step in when i heard someone approaching, so i didn't look so jakun.


You see those black buttons with the numbers that indicate which floor you're heading to, yeah, those are kinda creepy. I was going to the 5th floor. The second you press the button (it sinks in and does not come back out until the lift reaches the floor), the door immediately closes (really fast, it kinda scared the crap outta me) and just goes up. There isn't a open and close button. When the door opens at the 5th floor, it stays open. Lol. It stays open until someone else presses another floor. OOH. And it also has 2 doors. You walk in one and out the other.

Lol. One awesome post just for this interesting lift.

*******