내가 왜 이러는지?

Good enough to stay or bad enough to leave?
There's never really a fine line to differentiate these.

지쳤어.

This fence that I'm on, its really hard to balance on.
I'm tired and I'm falling.

뭔가해야같아.

지쳤어. Again.

Wasting time? 
Yes. Yes, you are. 
Yes, I am.

the blue fairy.

Yeah, this is me. Most of the time. 

These picture quotes thing seem to have resurfaced as a popular thing now. Its weird cause it was popular back when i was 14 or something. Its so weird when I am actually a generation away when these old things reoccur, I feel so senior. I wonder how the old people feel when they see the 70's fashion coming back, knowing how famous it was back then. 

********************

This is going to be an empty post because well.. I don't have much to say. And honestly, I never knew that it would cause this much trouble for me. 

Everybody needs a reminder sometimes. 

We all know it. Its just hard to remember it.

I might be at fault for many things, but I know I'm not the only one wrong. 

I make mistakes. Life does not come with an instruction manual.

Beetchhh~

I can stand on my own. 

As long as I'm on my own. 

I'm not willing. 

This is not right.

♥♥♥

To my dearest sister, Joan. 

생일 축하 해요, 언니~ 

행복 하세요. 

This is probably the only thing I'll always wish for you. 

사랑해 ^^

♥♥♥

Barely.

"Men suck.  They break your heart.  They cheat, they lie, they pick their mommies over you every time.  Why do I need that?"

Lol, hilarious stuff. I'm not saying that I agree, i'm not saying otherwise. 

That, however, is the truth. 

Sometimes I read these stuff and i think "Nah, I don't wanna be bitter like that. I'll find that person that I can deal with, that I'm willing to accept." And then I'd be like "I don't need that in my life. Why should I have to try to please some one else?" And then I'd be like "I don't want to be alone." 

That's a human thing to feel. 

I'm not proud of it, I think its pathetic, I think I can be better. 

But I'm not. 

I hate that I believe in love. 

I hate that I don't have it now.

People.

Its been awhile. Well, I did say I should blog less. 

I don't know if things that have been going on is worth blogging about. 

Its not something that I'd like to remember; small, tiny happenings. 

I've become so.. shallow? 

I've changed once again. 

Leaning more towards the worse than better. 

This is bad change. 

Strangers. 

Only those remain.

 We learn from our mistakes and still relive the past. 

Running. Haunting. 

No, I don't know why I did it.

I don't regret it, but i do think it was brash. 

Time is not going to change anything. 

Not this time. 

We keep learning, love.

Hold on. 

♥

271th.

A leap of faith? 

I can't wait for the day when I can really say "This is what I want." 

I honestly have no idea right now. 

But, how long can I remain stagnant? 

I know that answer actually : very long. 

But its time to stop being selfish and stop hiding. 

At least i've stopped running?

Anti slut defense.

"Hey i'm outside." 

Scariest text ever.

*******

Take what you need and 

be on your way.

Stop crying your heart out.

i'm walkin'

Anything I do or don't do right now is already wrong. 

Its never bothered me to be judged. 

Its never just okay.

The dawn is breaking.

We can help each other off the ground 

so we never fall down again.

I think I might know how this feels.

Its no fairytale, its no nightmare.

Its not everyday, its not all the time.

Its not the cause, its not the reason.

Its not a half, its a whole.

Its not a yes, its not a no.

Its not selfish, its not a sacrifice.

Its not unconditional, its acceptance.

I believe, yet I don't.

Its not my say, its not yours.

Make an effort, just let it be. 

But lately I got jaded, 

life got so complicated. 

사람.

A reason for you to stay is not a reason for me not to leave.

Self actualization.

 

This is temporary. 

I know that. Or is it, I know that too? 

"Have fun and be safe." 

Lol. I cannot have the past coming to haunt me. Or should i say, too, as well?

I hope I know to think rationally when I should have to. 

Focus. 

 

So it seems I'm beginning to collect flowers. -.-
I don't know how, I don't know why, but I'd probably quit or give up. 

Sometime soon, perhaps? 

It was a pretty little pink thing though, exactly how I would like it. 

***

"I know I'm very inexpressive about my concern."

"No. Its totally not obvious."

Hmmm. So.. nothing's changed.

***

"I didn't know you were so open minded."

I still don't think I'm one you can just have fun with. 

I might appear to be, but I haven't changed that much. 

***

I still don't understand why you would have to assume things like this about people. 

Its not even judging. That's just you thinking that you know it is already true.

Major difference there.

***

Be cautioned.

I say what I mean and I mean what I say.

나는 촛불을 보았다.
다른 기분이.

나는 술을 마시고. 

머리 아파서. 

계속웃고. 

내가 Genting 에 가서.  

힘들 었어, 오빠가. 

저두요.

난 바다에 갔어요.  

즐거웠어요.

나는 석양을보고, 손을 잡고. 

한쪽에서 다른 쪽 걸어 고. 
정말 감사 해요.

이것은 행복한가? 

 

Apparently.

I am blessed. 

I have been blessed. 

I might still be blessed in time to come. 

I just constantly need a whack on the head to make me realise that. 

Its okay to suffer, if we're living for Him. 

I think I understand that.

I'm living.

Jiggy.

"I can show you my everything."
-4MEN, 사랑해

I would never say that out loud to anyone. Maybe, I'll learn.

Elbows together.

 Last day of orientation, classes start tomorrow.
I need to stop blogging so much.

Learn to love.

What is it?

The most constantly asked question not only to me but i think to alot of people as well; "Are you okay?" or "How are you?". It bothers me that I can never actually really answer  those questions. Its unnerving when I don't feel like lying but I can't tell the truth. I can never just bring myself to say that I am okay. But its not like i'm not okay. It bothers me when there's nothing wrong with me and that already shows how something is wrong with me. Why can't I just be.. okay? 

College has started. 2nd day of orientation. And i'd like to say that I have friends. But.. I'm not too sure. By tomorrow which is the last day of orientation, everything i've gotten used to for the past 2 days will change again and once more, i'd hit the restart button. Its amazing how easy it is to pretend like we actually know each other.

This one day that caught me off guard, traumatized me a little, a mere near death experienced that came and went. Just like the wind. 

Lol. Fail poetry. 

Farewell.