Yes, I finally got the name of the place. We went to Ulu Yam, somewhere pass Ampang and near I have no idea where. It was uhmm.. awkward? Hmmm. No la, it was pretty okay. So they were supposedly going to take off at 6 but left at 7 instead. And I didn't get sleep at all. With futile attempts though, I slept from 2.30am to 3.35am and got up and never went back to sleep. :( It might've been a lil more than okay if I wasn't so sleep deprived. 

On our way up...

"Bro, this is how you spell waterfall right?"

"Correct la bro, what English course you take man?"

Entertainment. Hahaha. I love them both combined.

Poser Omar at the backseat. ;p

 We took the back road which also leads up to Genting to the waterfall. As we drove pass the cemetery that we did the other time, way pass midnight when he was freaking out about how scary it was and all. Haha, I was so tempted to send a text to that friend, but fortunately, there was no reception there whatsoever. (: heh. Saved. 

 And so, I managed to see things that I never got to see the other time up because it was pitch black. Today, it was bright and sunny and I'm with different people, different kinds of fun. Haha. Although, I do remember both times being extremely sleepy. There's this HUGE lake that, the wind's blowing, the place is cold with less polluted air. Ahhh.. nature. Not to forget good company. :)

We had to climb down these steep uhm.. hill? to reach the water. The water is ice cold. Terrifyingly cold. But it was all cold after much shivering. I just realized I have no picture of the actual waterfall. :( How can that be? Sigh. Oh well. I really wanted to jump off the cliff as well but getting up the rock was a bit of a challenge. Small, small regret. The water's not dirty much, but it looks murky because of the sand.

 After starting off the fire, barbecuing some chicken and sausage, I did kinda finally get into the water after much bullying. Hmmmmphhh. Haha, it was all good fun. After all, if you can't beat them, join them.

 I hope Philip forgives me for the extremely awkward shot of his naked upper torso. I was trying to get a picture of well.. all of them. Haha. Cannot even see his face. Oops. :\ I still didn't catch all their names. I didn't even get a picture of Andrew. And Yang. And... the rest.

Uhm. That other girl who came along, who's name I can barely say, much less spell, French braided my hair for me. Hehe. I really wish I could do it myself but uhm.. no, I still can't. Sorry to end with a not so nice picture of myself. I wasn't really feeling it. Lol. My eyes are swollen in the picture too. :\

It was a good day, I haven't been in to a waterfall for A Very Long Time. This is only my second time at a waterfall. I thank God for all these people that I've been surrounded by. :)

So. Mini flail. He's still so.. fair. Ahh, I woke up immediately after seeing him so happy. Awwww. He did lose some weight, still looks good la, flappy hair and all. Keke. Sighsss. That face. That smile. 

Mini rant. I have no idea whats going on really. I don't understand the thoughts, I don't understand what I'm feeling. I don't understand anything. Its like I have no peace in my heart when it comes to this. And I still don't know why. Maybe I'm over thinking it, maybe i'm not thinking at all, I don't know. I don't even know why. Sometimes I think its me, sometimes I think its him, but its not fair for me to decide this on my own, and yet I can't bring myself to say anything. Mainly because I don't know what to say.

To be continued...

A little bit of love.

"Tomorrow doesn't matter
When you're moving your feet
It's all about tonight"

-- All About Tonight, Pixie Lott. 

So it seems that while I'm sitting on my fat ass everyday perfecting The Art of Doing Nothing, my boyfriend bought me a pair of shoes. He picked it, he loves it, I love it.  

Thank you so much, sayang. :)

In other words, I do nothing everyday but sleep and eat. Occasionally I bathe and comb my hair. I only spend time with two people. One's permanently in my space, and I in hers, my dearest sister. And the other is one who's space I want to be in? Haha. 

Its been almost a month since my self declared holiday begun. Kristal and Jo have returned. Ez is doing the same thing I do everyday but in a different city. Boyfriend's been working. And I.. don't know what to do with life. 

This break that I'm on, I have no idea what to make of it. Am I not only just wasting time? But.. resting? Resting. Hmmmm. I sleep from 5am to 4pm everday, I wake up just to eat and bathe and sit in front of my laptop. And then.. after much effort, I fall back asleep. Good life, some would say. 

I'm not too sure.

3rd.

3rd monthsary.

오빠, 

너는 고생 했어. 

나와 함께있어 줘서, 고마워. 

사랑한다.

Graduation.

 I've officially graduated from CIMP.

 Mummy and grandpa came from Ipoh to sit through the boring ceremony. And left right after I got off stage anyway.

 With Brandon and Ms.Nancy, I'm gonna miss them so. :|

Class of 2012. 

I don't know what to feel at all. A sense of loss? A sense of freedom? A sense of emptiness? Or nothing at all? Its not the fact that CIMP's ended that's confusing me so much, its always the next step. So I've graduated from pre-u with distinction, and I have received my results officially. Now what? Where to go, what to do, pray pray pray. 

Otherwise, I had a pretty good day following the ceremony, with.. 

Oppa and Omar. Haha. (: 

Domino's for lunch..

..followed by ping pong, some leg dipping in the swimming pool and messing around with kids. 

난 행복해 ♥

달라 보여, 차가워 보여.

I've recently discovered that I cannot be alone. 

언젠간 알아봐서, 내가 혼자있을 수없는것. 병 것같아.  

 

내가 어떻게? 

ᅲᅲ

Change the equation.

Last day of CIMP: 25th May 2012.

Mr.D, Ms. Nancy, Ms. Vanessa, not forgetting Mr. Chen. Also, Mr. Murphy, Ms. Sumathy from last semester. Thank you for being great teachers. I've never experienced this kind of teaching/learning before. For this, I would say CIMP is a whole different experience.

The people that I've met are so different from those at him, or maybe I'm different. Fitting in is really hard. Really. But thats okay, I don't have to fit in. Heh. I'll stand out.

Now its all over, I'm really glad that I don't have to be in a place filled with acquaintances trying to be friends. Its more lonesome and tiring than fun. I think I need to attend some social classes or something. Considering how I plan to go forward with humanitarian subjects and social science, even with the understanding, it is not easy. I'll be that creepy person who's everywhere, almost invisible, observing the actual socializing but not doing any of it. Hmmmmm.

Mr. D playing Twister on the last day of class. I am proud to say that I once had a lengzai angmo teacher. :D

With Audris, I've only come to know her in my econs class. (:

I won't miss CIMP as much as other people, but it doesn't mean that it didn't mean anything to me. In the back of my mind will be small, but vivid memories of this two semesters here. I think I've lost contact with all CIMP people within 12 hours of the last day. Lol. I'm not even sure what that makes me feel.

CIMP is officially over for me, I passes my OSSLT exam. Thank God. But... what now?

*************

I have a problem. 

I have a boyfriend who doesn't stop saying sorry.

Heh. 

"I love him, but every day I'm learning.
Without me, his world would go on turning."

Its not enough.

"Don't you fcking disappear." 

That was the nicest thing someone has said to me all night. 

Strangers, friends, everyone else.

********************

I'm having one of my moments again. Along with my phone, which has been acting up for the past two days. Sigh. The "He needs me, I have to be strong" thought is definitely the only thing propelling me on for now.

When will I learn to stop being selfish? Granted, my hormones are definitely messing with my mind too. Its hard to be having a hard time, worse when you're having a hard time separately. Gone are the days where all that mattered was S freakin PM, and all we ever did were struggle with Addmaths.. together. At least I wasn't alone. Growing up really sucks balls.

I wish somebody would help me. But there's noone around. Everyone's too busy trying to help themselves. I'm trying to help myself. I've turned a blind eye to many people, I know. I understand. I will help myself. And pray that God helps me too. 

I'm tired. Its like a continuous downward spiral. I have enough negative on my own, I don't need more. Happy people that are not pretending to be happy are hard to find. 

Its going to be over soon.
And then its gonna start all over again.
When did life get this.. long?

19th.

 SO, I turned 19 yesterday. 

First (successful) surprise, D came over at about 1am with a cake and popped out from behind the wall when I walked out of the bathroom. Heh. This is kinda the first time something like this happened on my birthday. Things have changed. :)

So I made a wish, wished for everything I already have.

With my sister who came back the with ChaTime for me earlier, who also let him into the house and (surprisingly) kept the secret well. :p

The next day, well, technically on the same day, normal routine. Woke up, went to Orange for lunch, where they paid for my lunch and sang a birthday song for me, thankfully not too loudly. Ahhh, I'm gonna miss them so much when CIMP ends. Then I went for my first class where they also sang me a song, a loud one this time. :)

On the way home, D came and gave me flippers. Lol. They're small and cute, everything my feet is not. But well.. they're pink. Heh. ᄒᄒᄒ

After he was being weird the whole afternoon and seemingly stressed at night, we went for dinner at Friday's. Sigh. Sighs. Sighss. I don't really want to elaborate on that but I'm sure those of you who've been there know what happens on birthdays. They made me stand on the chair, sing, give a speech, blow the candle far far away, you get the point. Its so nice of them to come, ahem, especially eye candy for the night, ahem. HAHA. It was the first and last thing I saw in the restaurant that night. It was a great night, and no, I'm not being sarcastic.

The last surprise, is definitely a surprise. Vincent texted and then called, then told me to go down. And on my way down, he suddenly told me to just walk straight. Suddenly, he came from behind me with a cake and sang the birthday song for me. It was such an 'awww' moment. It seems that I also talk like him when I'm talking about him ._. 

Then we just talked for about an hour about absolutely nothing. He's one of those people that I just have to quote cause the stuff that he says is just so... LOL. I spent a lot of that one hour laughing.

"If one person says that 'Human is fat', and one person says 'Fat is not human'. 

Then, am I human?! Ahhhh, I am a lump of fat!"

HAHAHA, I swear I don't remember how this conversation happened but it was soooo funny and it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

So, he also somehow gave two chicken essence by the end of the night. ᄏᄏᄏᄏ

I am thoroughly touched by everything that happened, God is so good, and all the people that He's sent into my life are all such a great blessing to me. The only thing that was missing this birthday is my mum and my three best friends. :( I miss you all.

Its like a day of self evaluation, and everything around me. I know things have changed drastically than what it used to be, and maybe I've changed along with it. I used to be in high school and wonder how its like being 19. Now that I know how its like being 19, its like a huge difference from before, but also exactly the same. Maybe I've grown old, maybe I've grown up. Maybe I'm actually just really young. Everything is a lot different from when I was 'young'. Is it weird to say that I miss myself? Hmmm. But... I just lost my train of thought. Nevermind.

Big THANK YOU to my boyf and sister, and Zhan Wei and Brandon and Shi Ann, and Vincent.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

All the hearts in the world for all of you. (: 
♥

I am a happy girl.
Thank you, God. I love You.

Those who come and go.

 CIMP Prom, Monte Carlo @ Empire Hotel

4th May 2012.

The tickets were really nice for the price we paid. Long and laminated.

My 'dates' for the night, Brandon and Zhan Wei. They're some of the best people I've met in CIMP, and we're so.. distant, but still friends. I think I owe them a lot when it comes to surviving the 2nd semester. Its really weird that the two people I'm closest to in college don't share any classes with me. Oddly enough, I know I can count on them, even if I don't. They're so precious to me, I don't think they know. Thank you. Thank you so much.

Now, these are people that come and go. KY, LP and Sam. Don't ask me why they're named like that. Canadian teachers can't pronounce Chinese names, you see. Haha. KY, I've only met that night. LP, met since day one of my first semester, one of my first friends. I think i'm really mean to him but there's just some people in life that can't be connected to. Sam, my best classmate in ENG4U. I think I'll miss him. 

Mr.D, one of the best lecturers yet. (: And some of my econs classmates. He was a lil tipsy by then and was talking REALLY LOUDLY and pink in the face and almost leaning on me while taking the picture. Lol. Ms. Nancy wasn't there I think. =\

It seems I had my own little after party. I feel SO BAD for abandoning Brandon and Zhan Wei but uhmm.. lets just say, these people are closer to my heart. CIMP is.. not. I had a good day. I feel blessed. <3

Now its like I have a war to prepare for. Nearing the end of the last semester, with many final projects to finish and research papers to write. Ahhhh. Breathe in, breathe out. It'll all be over soon.

All praises to God.

Aflame.

"You think the weather here is bad?
No, the weather is Hell is worse." 

Sunway CF Camp @ Golden Sands Baptist Assembly, Port Dickson.

It was a completely last minute decision to make, but I know that it is not a coincidence that I went. It was God's plan. I didn't know what was going on, where we were going, what we were gonna do, how, what.. why? I didn't doubt my decision, but I grumbled a little. Nevertheless, like any good camp, I'm glad I went, and I'm glad I'm back. And I hope I'm back changed.

Its been so long since i've been a camp, moreover a CF camp. The one word I kept hearing from God throughout the camp was encouragement. I know I was lost for awhile before the camp, and when the option to get closer to God came round, I couldn't say no.

"We don't survive on leftover grace."

I know God has been using people to speak to me, and I hear it. Going back to God is always easy because His arms are always open. But I also know that neglecting God's much more easier. Everyday will be a challenge, and I can only pray I persevere.

"If God has forgiven you, for goodness' sake,

forgive yourself."

After the encouragement came the teaching. There are ways I have to change, I don't know, how to be that people may see Christ in me. It bothers me when people find out that I'm a Christian and go "Really? I never knew." Its as if I've been showing them otherwise. But, why? What am I doing wrong? 

"For what will it profit a man if he gains everything and loses his soul?" 

- Mark 8:36

 The people: 

My group for the camp, Blazing Beta.

with Victor, group mate. 

with Gideon, who does not have Facebook. 

with the girls, on Banquet Night. Which is this activity that the camp had for us. Each guy picked out a name of a girl and uhhmm,. went for dinner together? It was.. awkward. The one I went with, Kevin, was 18, doing A levels, and really quiet. I did like 70% of the talking and just tried to make it less awkward. It was.. fun. 

Then we had a campfire, where there were roasted marshmallows and oreo, some good live music, African praise song, failed choir, great company. 

Obligatory sister picture. (:
We had some fun not telling people that we were sisters, nobody really figured out until the end, and even then they didn't want to believe us. Haha.

"I have fought a good fight.
I have finished the race."

Thank you, God. Life is hard, but God is good.

A thousand times I failed,

still Your mercy remains.

Proportionate.

그냥 있으면 돼.

내 옆의.

♥

한달.

11th April. Its been a month. 

It honestly feels like its been longer. I have no idea what that's supposed to mean. Sometimes I wish time would just fast forward to a year later or something so I don't have to actually go through it. Thats a sad thought, but I really cannot find the confidence to believe I'd make it through all that. Oh god, whats with all the negative thoughts. 

Anyway, its all been good. Its been one of the best months of my life. I don't dare to think further. Lets just say, lets try to make it to two months. (: 

Its so freaky, I've never really celebrated these things. Well. We ate some really nice pasta that day. I actually don't think we have any picture together other than some uhh.. red-faced ones. Haha. The thought of that makes me kinda sad now. =\ 

That funny essay thing he wrote for me. ᄏᄏᄏᄏᄏ It is exactly what I just described it as: funny. I would say its really nice and sincere and.. funny. ᄒᄒᄒ

원래 이런 걸 여자는 해는데. 내 남자 친구가 더 로맨틱이네. 

미안해, 감사해, 사랑해. ♥

Never back down.

남자는 웃긴다. 

너무 감동적인.

여자보다 더. 

._.

귀엽다 생각했지만. 

힘들어죠. 

다치기 면요?

그럼 어떻게?

아이구.  

Maybe I've settled into comfort too soon. I think most people take years to get to my phase now. Why do I always feel everything so fleetingly (and) fast? I just.. believe. I'm okay being on my own. 쉽게 잃어버린 않을겟지. Is it wrong for me to believe so? Hmmmm.  

Maybe I'm holding on too lightly?

And because its been such a lazy Saturday, this is all I accomplished. 

(:

Wise words.

"After a rainy day, there will be a sunny day. But you never even open the window, you won't know whether its sunny or rainy."

Thats the best description of me I've heard for awhile. Its eye-opening. I never saw it that way, but now I see. Friends, they come and go. This one friend. Hah, he's one I should never forget. Teaches me new things all the time. He tells me I'm happier. I think I know why. I may be a little afraid of the reason, but I have to admit it is the truth. 

<3

Death, is a serious matter.

Dancing on my own.

"When someone said count your blessings now

Before they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong
They knew better
Still you said forever
And ever
Who knew?"

-- Pink, Who Knew.

Baby, tell me why you're acting strange.

4 teas, 2 people. Irrelevant picture is irrelevant. 

I have no idea why I'm feeling lost once again.
Okay, maybe I do.

"There are two kinds of men in this world. There is the kind of man who needs a woman to complete his life. And then there is the kind of man who needs a woman with whom he can share his complete life with."
So inspiring. 

I need motivation.

No.2

난 남자 친구 생겼어.
I think I'm crazy, a lil out of my mind, 

maybe somewhat blinded by what people call love,

knowing that I'm capable of it. 

I've always known that I was capable of loving, if I ever found someone to.
Maybe this could be my first try.

Maybe this could be my last try.

난 미칠 것 같아.

Maybe I'll snap out of it when reality hits me.
In the face. 

Hard.

Different levels, different devils.

What would I have to do to for you to stay?

Music Man II.

Venue : Stadium Merdeka, KL

Date : 3/3/2012

"I say Music, you say Man!"
"Music!"

"Man!"

Dayumm, its considered one of the best concerts that I've been to. Lee Hom is indeed a music man. He was great throughout the concert and only lip synced the first 3 dance songs. He's got a live band and he played the violin, er-hu, piano and his extremely awesome dragon electric guitar. I don't know why I was so attracted to his instruments.

The piano. Its like.. WOW. I don't really get why I like it so much but its just so awesome. The design, it being white and gorgeous, its like its made perfectly for Lee Hom. Which it probably was. Lol. He had it on a moving stage and moved along the front of the stage. The violin playing is like heaven to my ears. I probably had my mouth hanging open throughout the all the violin playing. Like I did when he performed 美. He's got the charm, the voice, and I've never thought of him much of a dancer but he's just all round perfect. Haha. He's so comfortable on stage, he has so much fun and it shows.

The concert is so thoroughly prepared, its so hard to find something wrong with it. I love how his band stays and plays the song, with his backup singers while he changes, it keeps the show live. And when you think the song ends, he shows up again. I love how he had the video about the World Vision which shows how he cares about society. His stage, albeit small, has screens at the side of the stage with real good graphics. He's got this vertically opening stage and had an orchestra performing with him. He's got kids singing with him for Ai Yin Wei Zai Xin Zhong, the lil girl really can sing. His costumes were really.. shiny. Haha. The bright red outfit, the army themed shirts and all his shiny dragon stuff. 

Dragon stuff. Haha. There was so many people there, its pretty cool. Pity the people on the field, it was all soggy and muddy. And wet. =\

Can't remember what he was singing. But it was awesome.

During the encore, when he came out with this shiny gold matching tracksuit. 

I'm sorry for the block of text, but I tend to ramble about concerts. If he comes back, I'd definitely go again. Just listening to him sing from afar is already pretty awesome. I would've been totally heartbroken to miss him here. He did all my favourite songs, its just so amazing to hear all of it live. He's so dorky, he's saying all kinds of funny stuff and then laughs at himself. He took time to thank all the sponsors, his band, singers, backup dancers and then pointed out all the fanclubs/signs that he sees. 

He was like "Thank you all for.. taking a shower with me today." Cause it was raining throughout the concert. And then there was this fansign that read "LEE HOM ADDICT" and he was like "Don't your hands get tired? You've been holding it up since the beginning." And then there was the weibo update where he filmed himself and the crowd going "Saya cinta padamu." He started the video with this really loud "Hey!" and then laughed cause it was so awkward. Ahhh. So adorable. Then he sat on the moving thingy that circled the whole stadium, its so nice of him to do that, while singing A Simple Song and Bu Yao Hai Pa. SO HANDSOME. Gahhhhh.

I think this might be the first non kpop concert that I've been to and there's much difference. First, they have whistles. Real loud ones. And colourful lightsticks. They don't really scream much, but they clap. Even though Lee Hom probably can't hear it. Haha. 

There's this bunch of fans in front of us and around the stadium, who are very.. enthusiastic. They have this fan chant and clap thing going on, they try to wave their lightsticks together. And you can see this person standing in the front directing their lightsticks. They also attempted some waves which were not too bad really. They were so funny to watch, but I admire their spirit. (:

"I say Gai shi, you say Ying shiong."
"Gai shi!"
"Ying shiong!"

Okay. This is one long fan account the nobody will read. Indeed it is a great concert, Lee Hom is a great musician, and I think I fell in love again.

♥♥♥

One day.

"I promise I'll be okay."