PART 1

Before I try not to mess up this entire loooong post, which will most likely be filled with many many pictures and short recaps of how it was, I have to say, that we are not exactly the size we look like in the pictures. We just had to wear a lot of puffy clothes because it was so cold. And.. my hands are awkwardly placed in many because its too cold that I couldn't let my hand just be. Lol. And I had a ginormous evil pimple that did not go away for the entire trip. Hmph.

I don't even know how to start. So, firstly, I didn't sleep the whole night before getting on the plane. By the time the plane was taking off, I was fighting to keep my eyes open. Lesson number 1: Do not fly long hours with AirAsia. It feels like I'm being punished for not having more money to buy first class so they make us sit upright for 7 hours straight.

And its the first time I've been to LCCT. Lol.I feel like this entire trip, I was quite unlucky when it came to travelling. On the way to Seoul, the guy who sat behind me was like.. high? He was slouched forward and slept with his head on my chair, refusing to let me recline. Sigh. And I was beyond tired since I didn't sleep the day before.

After landing and experiencing the awesomeness of Incheon Airport and being confused for awhile, my sister reached. I was sitting at the arrival thinking "Omg, this is where Suju walked pass before." Haha. Seoul was beyond cold, or rather, I was pretty under dressed on the first day. Taking the train and dragging the luggage up and down many escalators and elevators, we made it to the guesthouse and settled in. The Seoul Station has 8 floors underground. That is pretty damn cool.. and a little bit scary.

Right after leaving the luggage and wearing more clothes, we ventured out again for dinner. Lets see.. the food. Heh.

I ate a corn dog, at Haundae and Kalguksu (in a large bowl) before we went to Blue Monkey. I will keep the Blue Monkey story for later. 

Then, the last meal we had is apparently the Busan dish, called Dwaeji kuk bab. And I had my first churros at Lotte World. :D

And the fishcake sticks at the roadside, they give us chicken soup in the cup. The fishcakes are a lot thicker and uhh.. more flour-ier? Haha. Okay laaaa. 

Egg balls! @ Myeondong. They're just really another variety of some sort of waffle.

I'm just gonna blog about what picture I see now, because I really can't remember when we did what anymore. And now I choose to blog about Lotte World first.

I sat on the gold carousel of Lotte World, and we took pictures with at the trick eye wall?

And to be the angel.

 Then after much persuasion, we sat on the Giant Loop, where I screamed my lungs out because I was not even seated on my seat 90% of the time. 

And we went into the Mirror Maze, in which where my mum said that we were too good because we didn't get lost or bang into mirrors, we just walked right out of it. Lol. They gave up plastic gloves to wear so we don't dirty the mirrors when we go in.

So.. innovative.

We went outdoors too late and it was all closed and the lights were all off. :((( Slight slight regret. 

Hello, Mr. Pirate. The decorations for Lotte World is really...nice. I respect the effort they took to make this themepark. Its an amazing place. 

Lotte and one of their many fountains. 

We didn't get to go on many rides because the amount of people and the queue, omg. The floating hot air balloons had a line that required us to wait for 150 minutes. That is like 2.5 hours, that is cray cray. So we didn't go on many things. :( Nonetheless, we lined up for one thing which didn't take that long, Bumper Cars! 

Look at that queue! We stood there to try to deduce Korean teenagers' (?) behaviors and thought that they were quite.. violent. That is how they express affection? There were a couple cute young Korean boys with their equally cute, young Korean girlfriends with them.

************

Brain died until the immense pain on my face goes away. 

Brb. 

Reporting from S. Korea.

I'm in a different city, a different country. I guess running away for awhile did help. Now I am haunted by the thoughts of returning. Of course, I have entertained the thought of well.. not returning. But it makes no difference. It isn't the place (much) that becomes the problem, the problem is within me. Something I have never succeeded from running away from for long. 

I know I may be young. There's nothing worse than not knowing how to grow up. 

Its nice here. Nice, foreign, sweet, empty. 

Here are some of my favourite pictures of this trip here. I will, of course, do a full reflection of the trip and all the places I went to when I finally get back into the warmth of my own room. 

Super Junior! Yesshhhh. :D

Gwanghamun palace. King Sejong. This is like the picture that will tell everyone "Hey, I've been to Seoul". 

I miss having my sister around, taking ridiculous pictures together, long conversations that reminds us how well we know each other and how we always have each other's back. Having someone to dress up with and be vain with. 

Yes, I have finally set foot in Lotte World. And I have sat on the oh-so-famous golden carousel, on my own little blue horse. 

I do have slight regrets not heading outside earlier when there was still light and people. But, lets not talk about regrets now, shall we? 

The N tower. And yes, I have finally put my own lock on these walls and I did it with the people most precious to me. 

I am definitely blessed to be able to come here and experience all the winter and the love of a family. Its strange now, I feel young and I feel old at the same time. I guess I have been away from home for awhile. I think I may have my own saying about where home is. It only feels like home when my mum's there. 

:) 

So blessed, thank you God. 

Do not succumb.

"Get off the roller coaster and take a plane instead. 

Then, you'll always fly high."

Still, so tired. Its all still quite overwhelming. I don't deserve all this. When one door closes, God opens many others. Point is, I am quite bad at making choices. I hate making these decisions. People get involved here, good, nice, kind, people. People who are so willing to give, so willing to share. What am I to say? I need to try harder.

I think I need to give myself a break. The post-meeting was uhmm.. not exactly how I imagined it to be. I can't really comprehend the situation, but I will stand firm with my decisions.

"I miss you, but I am not coming back."

Maybe I'm not as stone-cold as people say or think I am. I'm getting quite confused now. I was told that I am always a "NO" person, but even when I'm becoming a "YES" person, shit still explodes in my face. I can't care anymore, I'm sorry.

Some people have it, some people don't.

Valentines.

Happy Valentines day! <3 b="">

Haha, do not be fooled by the post title. I did not celebrate Valentines this year. :D Let's talk about Chinese New Year instead. It's probably my most eventful CNY in awhile. 

 

Look at the harvest! I might have brought half of it back to Subang with me. Heh.

 After reaching KL, I uhmm. Drank bubble tea on my own and worked for the night, spent a long night out and then ummm.. sleep. I need so much sleep these days because all my sleeping hours are upside down once again.

Babies! Haha. I haven't been in contact with a baby for so long. Its so strange, but nothing's change. I'm still awkward around babies. I'd be happy to get out of babies' ways. They're all pretty happy babies,  playful, so young. Sigh. I almost forgot what its like to have no care for the world. Lucky babies.

I would say I had a lot of fun in Ipoh this time around, I laughed so much. I might have spaced out quite a lot too. I ate a lot. I didn't sleep a lot. Sigh. Some pictures.

It probably looks more painful than fun. Haha.

I don't think I am able to blog about the real things that have been happening. But, sigh. I still want to say that I know what I am doing, despite how others may see me. I know the line that shouldn't be crossed. This is a phase, it will end. In the meantime, lets see what more life can offer.
 :)

Give me time to figure what I really want. 

To figure what exactly am I feeling now. 

Because I honestly think its not very healthy to be feeling what I do.

"눈물이 차올라서 고갤 들어,

흐르지 못하게 또 살짝 웃어."

Why does it matter?

Its been a strange January. I realized while I was looking through Facebook that I didn't take a single picture in 2013, 1st of January excluded. Well, pictures that were uploaded unto Facebook. Then you're probably wondering why I don't just upload some. Haha. It just doesn't feel right anymore. 

Lets hope February becomes a little less devastating. I want to upload this one picture that I didn't have a chance to take because the phone blacked out right before I could. T___T So depressing.  Otherwise, I think I really look forward to February. KOREA~~ Winter. :)

So, its February and I might have done some weird stuff. Not entirely negative. Just.. the tip of unwanted drama. For the lack of better word. Ohh, met up with sister's boyf. HEH. That was fun. I think. I had my hands on 3 Big Bang crowns, a new red skirt (in time for CNY), a pretty bracelet
and a new weekly planner for 2013. Which I might only be using in March. 

I haven't felt so loved since January in the last few days. Its strange, odd feeling, slightly foreign. Even Mummy went to buy train tickets for me and got me a ride back, despite how I have to miss work for 2 days. She never goes to get tickets for me, she just tells me to do it. And I spoke on the phone with grandpa, who's concerned I might die here in Subang. Well. The concern is mutual. I occasionally think I might die today every time I step out of the house. Sigh.

I think I'm just so used to being invisible that every kind gesture feels really big to me. There's been like a sudden wave of kindness directed at me and I have no idea what to do with it. :( Accepting seems to be a little... tough. But I don't think there's another way.

"We love because He first loved us."

1 John 4:19

 Haha, first appearance of Oppa. :D Maybe there'll be more to come.

오빠가 좋은걸. ᄒᄒᄒ

p.s. Both of you should come back fast. T__T

:(

I'm sorry. 

I am a terrible person, I do terrible things.
I am selfish and cruel, I don't know how to comfort people.

I don't say much, I don't do much.

Maybe you'll forgive me one day.

Don't regret, self.

26/1/13

You're welcome.

Blogger has been messing with me for weeks now. Today is the first time I've ever successfully uploaded a picture despite all my previous trials. I think there's much to update. To start of, boyf and I (with his friends) went on a mini vacation to Malacca where we did...nothing. But eat. I've finally walked on Jonker Street and eaten the famous chicken rice ball. 

They gave us 5 balls. Haha. It wasn't all that great. I like rice. I like normal rice. Like... rice. But not in a ball. 

Then uhmm... I got a job? I can officially say I have worked in the service industry now. Yay. I've been waitressing at The Street Cafe or also known as Korean Food Street? What. I don't remember. I clean a lot of tables, try to carry the very heavy bibimbap pot with one hand. If that pot is not burning my fingers, the metal lunchboxes do, and if that doesn't, the soup bowl does too. T___T My fingers are all sore and burnt by the end of the shift. I get people they're tissues and I bring them their tea. 

Working with foreign workers this time around (when I used to be the foreigner in Spore) is quite different. They are so hardworking! And so nice. :/ Too nice. They help me alot and in return, I do everything they tell me to. They give me food, and more food, and make me wash glasses. Hmmm. Oh well. This is a new journey. I do wish it passes soon though, I don't know how people can do this for such a long time.

On one random Thursday where I was working, I got a call from Andrew, who offered to give me 4 free tickets to We Love Asia Music Festival @ Sepang (thank you, Andrew!). I didn't even know what it was, but since Kristal's bday was coming up, and she was down for the weekend, I thought maybe this could be something new. Its definitely new to me. I've never heard so much house/trance/electronic music for so many hours consecutively in my life. 

I saw Red Foo, from LMFAO and uhmm... a variety of other DJs, and of course the apparently famous Steve Aoki. When doing "I'm sexy and I know it", they actually took off their pants and wriggled around in their shiny underwear. That was something I wouldn't forget. Heh. That was fun. 

Then, when it was midnight, we not so secretly brought out a cake for Kristal. :D 

And on Monday, I went to work, went home in a drizzle, got ready and went to celebrate her birthday with who else but the other 0.5 of our 1. 

Happy Birthday, love. I'm not sure if you'll ever see this. But I'm really grateful that you're in my life and gave me the honor of spending your last day being a teenager with me. Hehe. You're always the first to grow older, but always somewhat the younger one to me. I pray that we will be able to spend many many more birthdays together.  

사랑한다, 친구야. ❤❤❤

Beat it.

Warning: Random. 

What is this.

WHAT IS THIS. 

Why? Why?

No. I didn't expect it at all. I didn't see this. What am I looking at? 

I was so hellbent on not doing well, maybe with the possibility of comforting myself that this is not for me. That maybe, just maybe, its okay to run. Where am I running to with this? There's nowhere to run. Is this God speaking to me? What are You saying? I don't understand what you're trying to tell me. 

You know what this tells me? This tells me that what everyone says is right. That all I am is book smart. I'm nothing else. That's all I'm made of, that's all I am. It always just looks as if this is all I'll ever be. 

"It just means that you can survive whatever." 

Great, just great. I will definitely start going around, tossing myself in every ocean possible, to see which one I'll drown in. 

**********************

Despite all the things that come out of my mouth, those words are laced with eternal gratitude to God and all the people who pushed me forward despite my constant running and hiding. 

I can't even lift my head and say that I deserve it, because I don't think I do. Sure, I've suffered through all of it, barely pulling through, I've had countless sleepless nights and sad attempts at studying. I just can't say I've done my best, because I know I didn't. Yet God gives me the best. I'm so undeserving. 

"When nothing happens, have faith."

I still hate studying. I do. I will. 

*********************

Hey, you. Yeah, you. You were wrong. I could do it. And I did. Lets stop comparing, we're in different leagues. Aren't you tired?

And you. I said I'll show you that you need me, not the other way around. I don't think I'll be around much longer, too bad. 

So, yes. Have a good new year. 

Or a great one. Or many.

New Year Eve's.

The beginning of 2013. 

I was glad to have my bestfriend and boyfriend with me. Along with a bunch of acquaintances. 

New year, new start? Meh, I say that every year. I didn't even manage to make time to think of any New Year resolutions. I thought I made some good ones last year. But I'm not even sure if I actually did them all. 

I want to do so much this year, I want to be...different. But then again, change comes when you least notice it. Next thing I know, I'm an entire different person. 

I guess I need to learn to hold my tongue. Not be antisocial? Or selective-social? Make friends? Keep friends? I want to do all of it. I want to build a stronger relationship with God. I want to learn the Word. I want to live by the Word. I want to travel. I want to get a degree, dammit. Hopefully, I'll really be on my way to getting one this year. Maybe if my addiction to the Internet , my studies and my relationships allow, I would like to get a job. I want that number in my bank account to continue increasing. I want to be pretty. Hah, vain talk right there. 

I want to be happy. 

God bless 2013.

Review.

Its now the second day of 2013. I have successfully turned my whole sleeping hours upside down again. I think it really bothers me but I haven't devised a plan to fix it...yet. Sigh. To start of the year, I'm still pretty much aimless. This cannot go on! But this post is not about that, its about 2012. 

2012, the year where the world was supposed to end but didn't.

So I tried to look pretty for the New Year, and I really want to perm my hair. #justsaying 

Lets take a step back. What did I do in 2012? 

January

I celebrated Chinese New Year with the cousins that I've never met before, from Australia, who are all adorable. 

February

Sent my bestfriends off to the land down below. *sobs*

 

Went to SS4 Singapore, plus a visit to my cousins and grandpa. 

March

I think...I got a boyfriend. :D 

April

Went for Sunway Christian Fellowship Camp. Gained new friends. (:

May 

Went to CIMP Prom. Aww, I miss them both so much. 

Celebrated my birthday~ 

 Filmed my Seoulmate Project, made new friends. :) 

June 

With that, I graduated from CIMP. 

July 

And took a trip to Penang with besties. 

Also to the waterfall with boyf and new friends. 

 August 

I uhmm.. started Psychology @ Sunway Univeristy. 

September 

EMERGE KL. Future in Neon. My first ever time designer and making an outfit, with hair and make up. 

October 

Sent my sister off to Busan. *sobs* 

November 

Big Bang Galaxy Tour! 

December 

Christmas! & Holidays! & New Year Eve!

I feel like I haven't achieved much last year. But it was a tough year, sending away my bestfriends, sending away my sister, and my dad. All to the land far far away. Having been through it all with my boyf, which I must say, is a new record. Heh. Gaining and losing friends all at the same time. God has been very confusing last year. It was a year full of lessons and teachings, of falling and climbing, or love and pain, of decisions and plans. All of which, I wouldn't have gotten through if it wasn't for God. To be reminded over and over again, that God is good.

I am so grateful for experiencing life for yet another year. Being 19 is a strange crossroad. There, but not there. I'm not sure what I feel with that being my last year as a teen. I guess I am quite afraid. But that's okay. The most recent lesson and reminder that I've heard, is that everything here is temporary. Despite that, God has given us life. Thus, we should live and live by His Word, something I haven't seen to grasp fully. 

2013 will be a year filled with more learning, more life, more love. There is so much more. So much more to life. That, I believe.