♥♥♥

To my dearest sister, Joan. 

생일 축하 해요, 언니~ 

행복 하세요. 

This is probably the only thing I'll always wish for you. 

사랑해 ^^

♥♥♥

Barely.

"Men suck.  They break your heart.  They cheat, they lie, they pick their mommies over you every time.  Why do I need that?"

Lol, hilarious stuff. I'm not saying that I agree, i'm not saying otherwise. 

That, however, is the truth. 

Sometimes I read these stuff and i think "Nah, I don't wanna be bitter like that. I'll find that person that I can deal with, that I'm willing to accept." And then I'd be like "I don't need that in my life. Why should I have to try to please some one else?" And then I'd be like "I don't want to be alone." 

That's a human thing to feel. 

I'm not proud of it, I think its pathetic, I think I can be better. 

But I'm not. 

I hate that I believe in love. 

I hate that I don't have it now.

People.

Its been awhile. Well, I did say I should blog less. 

I don't know if things that have been going on is worth blogging about. 

Its not something that I'd like to remember; small, tiny happenings. 

I've become so.. shallow? 

I've changed once again. 

Leaning more towards the worse than better. 

This is bad change. 

Strangers. 

Only those remain.

 We learn from our mistakes and still relive the past. 

Running. Haunting. 

No, I don't know why I did it.

I don't regret it, but i do think it was brash. 

Time is not going to change anything. 

Not this time. 

We keep learning, love.

Hold on. 

♥

271th.

A leap of faith? 

I can't wait for the day when I can really say "This is what I want." 

I honestly have no idea right now. 

But, how long can I remain stagnant? 

I know that answer actually : very long. 

But its time to stop being selfish and stop hiding. 

At least i've stopped running?

Anti slut defense.

"Hey i'm outside." 

Scariest text ever.

*******

Take what you need and 

be on your way.

Stop crying your heart out.

i'm walkin'

Anything I do or don't do right now is already wrong. 

Its never bothered me to be judged. 

Its never just okay.

The dawn is breaking.

We can help each other off the ground 

so we never fall down again.

I think I might know how this feels.

Its no fairytale, its no nightmare.

Its not everyday, its not all the time.

Its not the cause, its not the reason.

Its not a half, its a whole.

Its not a yes, its not a no.

Its not selfish, its not a sacrifice.

Its not unconditional, its acceptance.

I believe, yet I don't.

Its not my say, its not yours.

Make an effort, just let it be. 

But lately I got jaded, 

life got so complicated. 

사람.

A reason for you to stay is not a reason for me not to leave.

Self actualization.

 

This is temporary. 

I know that. Or is it, I know that too? 

"Have fun and be safe." 

Lol. I cannot have the past coming to haunt me. Or should i say, too, as well?

I hope I know to think rationally when I should have to. 

Focus. 

 

So it seems I'm beginning to collect flowers. -.-
I don't know how, I don't know why, but I'd probably quit or give up. 

Sometime soon, perhaps? 

It was a pretty little pink thing though, exactly how I would like it. 

***

"I know I'm very inexpressive about my concern."

"No. Its totally not obvious."

Hmmm. So.. nothing's changed.

***

"I didn't know you were so open minded."

I still don't think I'm one you can just have fun with. 

I might appear to be, but I haven't changed that much. 

***

I still don't understand why you would have to assume things like this about people. 

Its not even judging. That's just you thinking that you know it is already true.

Major difference there.

***

Be cautioned.

I say what I mean and I mean what I say.

나는 촛불을 보았다.
다른 기분이.

나는 술을 마시고. 

머리 아파서. 

계속웃고. 

내가 Genting 에 가서.  

힘들 었어, 오빠가. 

저두요.

난 바다에 갔어요.  

즐거웠어요.

나는 석양을보고, 손을 잡고. 

한쪽에서 다른 쪽 걸어 고. 
정말 감사 해요.

이것은 행복한가? 

 

Apparently.

I am blessed. 

I have been blessed. 

I might still be blessed in time to come. 

I just constantly need a whack on the head to make me realise that. 

Its okay to suffer, if we're living for Him. 

I think I understand that.

I'm living.

Jiggy.

"I can show you my everything."
-4MEN, 사랑해

I would never say that out loud to anyone. Maybe, I'll learn.

Elbows together.

 Last day of orientation, classes start tomorrow.
I need to stop blogging so much.

Learn to love.

What is it?

The most constantly asked question not only to me but i think to alot of people as well; "Are you okay?" or "How are you?". It bothers me that I can never actually really answer  those questions. Its unnerving when I don't feel like lying but I can't tell the truth. I can never just bring myself to say that I am okay. But its not like i'm not okay. It bothers me when there's nothing wrong with me and that already shows how something is wrong with me. Why can't I just be.. okay? 

College has started. 2nd day of orientation. And i'd like to say that I have friends. But.. I'm not too sure. By tomorrow which is the last day of orientation, everything i've gotten used to for the past 2 days will change again and once more, i'd hit the restart button. Its amazing how easy it is to pretend like we actually know each other.

This one day that caught me off guard, traumatized me a little, a mere near death experienced that came and went. Just like the wind. 

Lol. Fail poetry. 

Farewell.

Blink twice, then you're gone.

We have to have our run first. I've ran and now i've returned back home. 

How many times will i have to run until I feel that i've ran far enough?

Cherished and created, lost and forgiven, not forgotten.

Super 8 was a terrible movie. 

College starts in a week.

Its not like I'm looking forward to it, but its not like i'm not. Its also not like i'm not prepared for it. I had 7 months to prepare. I'll never be prepared. I feel like I should pack my whole life and bring it with me. Then I think again and i figured that there'll be nothing left. Once again, nothing to come back to.
I should learn to unpack.

I'd like to think that now its time to stop. 

Stop running, stop fearing. 

Damn ,when did i get this weak? 

잊지 말아요.

빠져 하면안돼.

빠져 하면안돼.

빠져 하면안돼.

얼마나 무서운데.

I don't wanna be there.

"난 남자니까 모두 참아 모두모두 견뎌"

이것은 사실인가? ᄏᄏᄏᄏ 

Its been bugging me for awhile but I never asked. Sad, right?

  ***

기뻐.

Its 5 in the morning and i have too much 술 in my system. 1st time. Lets consider it the best for now.

Indefinitely.

 I hope to say that this was one of my best week for as long as I can remember but I'm not going to just in case karma comes and hits me from the back.

시작하다.

파란 꽃. 좋다. (:

 Road trip! 

It was one long, tiring, day. I think it was worth it too.

Pick-a-hope. Very hopeful right, this thing. -.- So from now on, I shall be Nothing.

If I were to do essay-blogging, this would end up really long. And I can't really tell what's wrong with me yet, considering how i'm constantly consciously lying to myself, essay-blogging is a big No right now. 

CPU Prom 2011 :  

Mass of dancing bodies. ᄏᄏᄏᄏ Its really too bad i didn't see it. Hmmm.

Acquaintances? People? Friends? 이것은 위험 해지고있다. ᄒᄒᄒ
 

내 사랑. ᄏᄏᄏ

재미있었는데. 분명히.  

내가 미쳤되고 계속 거야.  

한숨 쉬다. 미쳤어요, 내가.

그냥 한 번만.

그냥..

KL. Hmm. I'll learn to get used to it.