"We're smiling but we're close to tears. Even after all these years."
- For the First Time, The Script

Please, God?

"Sorry ladies, the shirt is staying on."

"HAHAHA."

*********

December. Last month? Best month? Boring month? Freedom month? It may be all of those. And none of those, at the same time.

December, to me, started off as awesome. Why? Because SUPER JUNIOR WAS IN MALAYSIA. And. I got to see Donghae, my love, my everything, he's everything beautiful.

My love for them, that never died out, has been rekindled to be a much more brighter flame now.
Sapphire blue flame. Sapphire blue light.   

All incidents recorded in this post now will be random happenings from throughout the first 13 days of December not in any specific order. 

I wore a full matching set of pajamas.

I helped cut and poach apples to make Apple Crumble.

I went to try all kinds of wild honey that they were promoting in a very nice champagne glass and not buy any because each jar costs approximately 1-- bucks. 

I met up with Shannon and met some new, nice people who actually go shopping and sit in the middle of FOS waiting for us to choose our clothes. And to eat Snowflake with. ;p 

Went out and got quite drunk, danced with someone I met for the first and last time, got a bruise on my chin, a glass-cut on my thumb, made new memories and more mistakes, with 

no regrets.

Thank God I have no picture to blog about this with.

  

Spent an afternoon eating good meatball noodles, walked in the park, played with the swing in the playground, sat on the see-saw listening to Wedding Dress, avoiding puddles of mud on the way back, lazed around the whole afternoon, sprawled across the bed with a new friend falling asleep while lying on me.

God is good.
God is kind.
God is love.
I love God.

Live for God, live for yourself.
Its all a choice.
Don't choose wrong.

*********

Its not easy. Its not easy for either of us. I pray that you're happy everyday. I believed you're stronger. I believed that you were so much more. I know it was wrong, that we're both cowards now. Don't be scared. Don't be scared of me. Don't be scared of what becomes of us. I'm sorry I happen to get my way with certain things, with things that involves you. I already feel bad. Tell me something I don't already know. My arms will always be open for you. You've already snagged a place in my life, don't worry. Be.. happy. Be content. 

Live, love, laugh.

12 Daddy Tips.

1. You have to live with your choice.
2. Don't get into something that doesn't make you happy.
3. Be honest with your heart.
4. Don't bullshit.
5. Never ever compromise your feelings.
6. Do what you need to do.
7. You must be happy with what you choose and stand by that.
8. Clever does not translate to success.
9. We have to live with what we do.
10. There's no such thing as 'you have to..'
11. If you like it, then continue. If you don't like it, then leave.
12. Do not be a hypocrite.

Am I happy? 

Nothing more, nothing less.

YO! From Ipoh. Haha. 

This weekend back in Ipoh is indeed an odd one. Its not like it was really fun, and it wasn't boring. It was.. eventful. In the sense where I barely had time where I didn't have anything specific to do. 

Well. The main activity that I did the whole weekend was.. Lamp post-ing. 

with love, sighss. 

Ma lai kou! (:

And of course, there was quite a lot of eating. We should always always have an open stomach for Ipoh food. See, one other bad thing about living away from home is that every time you get home, you just eat EVERYTHING. =\

Blue sky, white clouds.

On the way back from KL. It was indeed an experience, the kind where once is enough. The train, ETS, ran into some electricity problem in Kampar. So we were stuck in Tapah Road Station for 2 hours. Took us 5 hours to get back to Ipoh.

And we had VVIP tickets to the beach party. Thanks to Mr. Calvin. It was.. alright. Could've been really fun. If I actually had the right people to go with. 

Which I did. Lamp post-ing excluded. 

The hair/fashion/make-up show was pretty good though. I recognize some of my schoolmates as models or just.. there. That is just weird. We're so grown up now I'm not too sure if I like it.

At some point, the hospital got involved. But grandpa's hopefully okay.

Prayers and more prayers.

Finally met Ezzie and Jo. 4-1=0. But since unnie was the mangkuk.. Lol. Yeah.
*hearts*

I'm still okay.
I'm okay.
I'm okay.
I'll be okay.

"She doesn't want to be anybody's anything."

Pilu hatiku.

At church last weekend, I saw something that made amused me, in a nice flippy way.

There was a black couple, walking into the auditorium and they were being ushered up the stairs. At the bottom of the stairs, before the man walked up, he offered his arm to the woman to help her up the stairs cause she was wearing some 5 inch heels (for some reason, most black women walk around with heels that tall all the time). It touches me that he actually realised, or remembered that his girlfriend's wearing real tall heels and would probably need help to climb those steps. Usually, the women would always reach out to hold on to the man, but she wasn't even going to hold him until he offered. And so, they walked up the stairs arms linked. Now, that is a gentleman.

Isn't that so sweet? 
And so rare. 
♥

Time out.

"I'm sorry that I want so much and so little, but yet you're none of those."

I don't see another solution but only to walk down the road towards the end.
But i'm tired. So tired. 

So lets stop walking for awhile.

Can I hitch a ride?

"Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give all the wealth of one’s house for love, it would be utterly scorned." - Song of Solomon 8.6

Mutant Mayhem.

Happy Halloween! Meow~ 

The one on the left is taken before, and the left is taken after.

Lets have a game of Spot the Difference. Lol. 

*******

Somewhere by the end of the night, our head bands were stolen when we went to the bathroom or something. ): I sat there for awhile mourning the loss of my lil zebra ears that I had for less than 12 hours. I miss you, baby zebra ears. T_T I harbored deep affection for it within those few hours of having them. Sighs. 

So. The people who took ours probably had the same thought as we did. They took ours, we take other people's. Lol. No idea who's cat ears those are, but who really cares? ;p

*******

Inside. *dubstep playing in the back*

Some unknown person/people had splattered fake blood/red dye on the dance floor. Most people were not pleased cause the toilet was immediately flooded with people trying to clean it off their faces. Haha. 

First ever Halloween celebration for me. It wasn't incredibly awesome, but it wasn't bad.

thanks.

Occaasionally..

Walking on lonely roads,
Feeling the familiar breeze in my hair,
Listening to the sounds of home,
Forsaken sanctuary.

Maybe, just maybe,

I wish I wasn't alone.

 

*******

Here is to showing off our scarf collection. Lol. 

I honestly never knew we had that many. 

But then again, my mum's closet always feels like a museum. 

All good, pretty, old, new, weird, snakeskin, leather, shimmery stuff, 

Indian, Malay, Chinese, Punjabi, extremely skimpy outfits. 

Everything can be found there. 

♥

Ipoh's been good to me.  

You don't know.

내가 왜 이러는지?

Good enough to stay or bad enough to leave?
There's never really a fine line to differentiate these.

지쳤어.

This fence that I'm on, its really hard to balance on.
I'm tired and I'm falling.

뭔가해야같아.

지쳤어. Again.

Wasting time? 
Yes. Yes, you are. 
Yes, I am.

the blue fairy.

Yeah, this is me. Most of the time. 

These picture quotes thing seem to have resurfaced as a popular thing now. Its weird cause it was popular back when i was 14 or something. Its so weird when I am actually a generation away when these old things reoccur, I feel so senior. I wonder how the old people feel when they see the 70's fashion coming back, knowing how famous it was back then. 

********************

This is going to be an empty post because well.. I don't have much to say. And honestly, I never knew that it would cause this much trouble for me. 

Everybody needs a reminder sometimes. 

We all know it. Its just hard to remember it.

I might be at fault for many things, but I know I'm not the only one wrong. 

I make mistakes. Life does not come with an instruction manual.

Beetchhh~

I can stand on my own. 

As long as I'm on my own. 

I'm not willing. 

This is not right.

♥♥♥

To my dearest sister, Joan. 

생일 축하 해요, 언니~ 

행복 하세요. 

This is probably the only thing I'll always wish for you. 

사랑해 ^^

♥♥♥

Barely.

"Men suck.  They break your heart.  They cheat, they lie, they pick their mommies over you every time.  Why do I need that?"

Lol, hilarious stuff. I'm not saying that I agree, i'm not saying otherwise. 

That, however, is the truth. 

Sometimes I read these stuff and i think "Nah, I don't wanna be bitter like that. I'll find that person that I can deal with, that I'm willing to accept." And then I'd be like "I don't need that in my life. Why should I have to try to please some one else?" And then I'd be like "I don't want to be alone." 

That's a human thing to feel. 

I'm not proud of it, I think its pathetic, I think I can be better. 

But I'm not. 

I hate that I believe in love. 

I hate that I don't have it now.

People.

Its been awhile. Well, I did say I should blog less. 

I don't know if things that have been going on is worth blogging about. 

Its not something that I'd like to remember; small, tiny happenings. 

I've become so.. shallow? 

I've changed once again. 

Leaning more towards the worse than better. 

This is bad change. 

Strangers. 

Only those remain.

 We learn from our mistakes and still relive the past. 

Running. Haunting. 

No, I don't know why I did it.

I don't regret it, but i do think it was brash. 

Time is not going to change anything. 

Not this time. 

We keep learning, love.

Hold on. 

♥

271th.

A leap of faith? 

I can't wait for the day when I can really say "This is what I want." 

I honestly have no idea right now. 

But, how long can I remain stagnant? 

I know that answer actually : very long. 

But its time to stop being selfish and stop hiding. 

At least i've stopped running?

Anti slut defense.

"Hey i'm outside." 

Scariest text ever.

*******

Take what you need and 

be on your way.

Stop crying your heart out.