Warning: Long & picture HEAVY post.  

Before Christmas: 

  

Both my bestfriends who currently live in the same state. Much love. And I don't have a Christmas picture with my boyf because it seems he impulsively deleted the only one we took together, or he just doesn't want to send it to me. *hint hint*
 

So, exams has ended. And Kristal came over for a few days about an hour right after my last paper. I think I was in a terrible state, with only probably 12 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Oh well, all that matters is that its finally over. I'm not sure if it will be my last Psychology exam ever, but I'm just glad to be away for all exams, for now. 

Shopping for presents and all, one very amusing night of  disturbed sleep and one very uncomfortable night that I don't ever want to relive.

 

ᄏᄏᄏ check out my editing skills.

Then, with much trouble and very little sleep, we took the train back to Ipoh on the 22nd morning, reached Ipoh at about 8.30am and set off for Penang at 11am. Upon reaching, I was pretty much zombie already, it was such a tiring day. Shopped in Queensbay for awhile, drank some tea, until George gor gor came to get us. 

Heart shaped, so pretty!

After that, Dai gor brought us to dinner, through all the jam and all, with Magnum, of course. We retired early because the next day was a very energy consuming day. We went to Escape Penang, an outdoor, all natural, theme park. I climbed a tree and a house and firefoxed for the first time. I have never had to climb and hold on to so many things under the scorching hot sun for so long. It was such a new experience, I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

View from outside.

View from inside. 

 Pampering ourselves with ice cream after the long 2 hour above ground, holding on to ropes and dangling from our harnesses.

I'd like to look back at this picture in the future and think "Oh, the good old days." :D 

ESCAPE. 

It was all fine, till the night when I started to develop these terrible (!!) rashes, which cause is still unknown. I would post up a picture but I don't want to disgust what's left of my readers now. Heh. That night, we went to eat this funny combination of noodles, deep fried prawns and dim sum. We were too tired to do anything anymore, so we settled watching CZ12 at midnight. To waste time while waiting for the movie, we went to the arcade and brought Christmas bracelets as presents. 

  

They're so pretty, I wanna buy 5 for myself. T____T But I can't, and probably shouldn't. 

Kristal and I had the next day to ourselves because George gor gor had to work. We woke up in the afternoon and his aunt drove us out to Gurney, where all we had time to do was eat and get the bracelets and then go home to get ready for the Christmas eve dinner, with a whole lot of unknown people.

The turkey leg that we had. It was oddly tasteless and really hard to cut. Its actually quite large even though it doesn't show in this picture. 

 The rest of the acquaintances we got to know while at Escape, Ken and June, they're such a cute couple, and George and Magnum and Kristal. 

After dinner, the supposed countdown/Christmas party that we were going to were all...full. So when the clock striked 12, we were standing outside these with smoke in our hair and nothing to do but to wish each other Merry Christmas and a hug. And in these weird places, we could just walk right into the club without paying or anything. To make our Christmas less sad, we strolled into all 4 clubs just to check them out. They were all very nicely designed, different and expensive. One had a live band playing, that was quite awesome. Had I lived there, I would visit one of these every weekend, just because I can. 

The singers were good for the Malaysian standard. For some reason, all the people inside the clubs were too sober for Christmas night and TOO selamba. They just sit around and try not to be too awkward with the rest of the people. Hmmm. Its quite discouraging for a party. And, they were kinda...old. 

We were quite disheartened when the beginning of our Christmas was just.. that. So, they decided to leave because waiting there was futile. We headed to Upper Penang Road, and with no surprise, all the clubs there were full too. We settled in a weird bar place with a pool table and a tower (where I drank only 3 sips from) for a few pool games. Then we got bored again. :((

With that, we left to go to some funny Chinese club. It was so amusing! In Penang, I first saw an Indian club and visited a Chinese club filled with old people doing really weird disco dances to the old Cantonese disco songs. 

Which left us very bored and thus, these pictures were created. 

And then joined by a very tipsy friend of George's and more pictures. The night ended at 3am when the club closed and then Kristal and I were bombarded by these two random guys who were friends with friends of George's friends. That was such an amusing conversation, totally absurd and make no sense, yet entertaining. Haihhh. Men. By the end of the night, Kristal and I have been to 6 clubs. Not bad for a Christmas, eh? :)

While we were driving for one place to another, we randomly shouted "Merry Christmas!" at passing people, most of who just thinks we were either drunk or crazy. So, we made this sign to put against the window. Didn't make a difference because everyone just ignored me. Hpmh. 

 On Christmas morning, we visited Excel Point Community Church, which was also a weird story. We reached the place and on the first floor, there was a signboard of the church, but it was closed. We headed up to the second floor where there was more Excel Point signs but it was all closed. Almost when we were about to give up, we went all the way back downstairs until George saw that there was another Excel Point sign on the fourth floor. And finally, we found the service. Despite being very late and quite sleepy, I'm glad we managed to sing "Joy to the World" in church on Christmas. 

Happy Birthday, Jesus & Merry Christmas!

After lunch, we began our journey back to Ipoh where I slept the entire way. Then, we had some really awesome turkey and pasta at Kristal's house, courtesy of her mum. Thinking about it now makes me hungry already. With that, Christmas was officially over for me.

I headed home, wished Mummy Merry Christmas and spent the last two hours of Christmas watching the EMAs on my own and then totally passed out for 13 hours straight. The next day, we went to have a post Christmas dinner with Mr.Calvin and his kids. That was an interesting dinner, they were pretty much how I expected them to be, bright kids, bright future. We went to eat Northern Indian food @ Tandoor Grill, it was so spicy! 

And mummy seems to remember my skull-phase still, so she bought me a really large one. 

:O

Then, I spent the next few days oversleeping and eating and sitting around in Mummy's office. Gladly meeting up with Sam, after so long. It feels long. Its been long and empty. Lastly, I finally returned back to my much missed Internet here in Subang, and my boyf, of course. 

I feel like I need to express the extreme gratitude I have for Kristal and her family for being so kind and generous and for having me for a few days, for the vitamin supplements because it looks like I'm dying, duck rice, Shogun buffet, for walking with me, for being a family. Not forgetting, George and his aunt, for letting us stay for a few days, taking us to places, planning the entire Christmas for us, feeding me good food and for boiling hot water for me and for being so willing and... brotherly. From the bottom of the remaining pieces of my heart, thank you.

To end, have a creepy picture of myself. 

Expect a New Year post, hopefully full of reflection and not regret. There's still so much left to figure out. Decisions, plans, life. 

Above all, 

Thank you, God.

If only I knew...

The wavy hair that I have always wanted but never had. Until one sad morning at 4am. Its all natural, not permed or curled. Please ignore my eyes, it was 4am but I couldn't resist the temporary vanity spell that I was under. :/

Straight hair or curly hair? #thirdworldproblems

Sigh. What are you doing, self? Got time to take and edit pictures, but no time to study? T______T Be gone vanity spell!

On another note, I really want to put up a Christmas tree. I watched a cutesy, depressing Christmas movie and now that I feel all christmasy, there's no Christmas tree for me to decorate.

12 more days to Christmas! 

To think that this was just last year. My face was so fat.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Peace amidst confusion.

 
"Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here.

Dare you to move,
Like today never happened."

Because I feel like posting a meaningless blogpost.

I wish I had a definite stand in what I think, like most writers do. They have a point to argue, one they believe in so deeply that its like a big, strong tree trunk that doesn't waver despite the hurricane. What is this nonsense metaphor I'm using. Maybe it is exactly what I'm trying to say. No matter how big and strong the tree is, when a bigger, stronger, scarier hurricane comes, the tree will still fall, when its roots fail to grasp any longer. Maybe that doesn't apply to anyone else but me.

I use too many maybe's in my blog. Sigh. The silence has been overwhelming. At first it was devastating, slightly deafening. Then it became the only thing I hear. No, not really. Because there was a mix of many many MANY replays of Gangnam Style, the god-awful drilling that came from upstairs, loud, obnoxious club music, sudden blasts of fireworks and the usual slow, depressing music coming from my own laptop, oh, and of course, the occasional beeps from my phone.

While supposedly studying for my finals, I have come to a terrible, slow, realization that my memory doesn't last more than 6 hours. Why don't they have a memory disease like that? How am I supposed to believe that we have supposed unlimited capacity in our long term memory that is also supposed available but not accessible? WHAT IS THE POINT OF MAKING ME MEMORIZE ALL THAT KNOWING I WON'T BE ABLE TO REMEMBER IT? I think psychologists are trying to troll us. I think I'm too narrow minded to become a psychologist.

I think its safe for all my (barely there) readers to expect a new post every time I have some kind of exam/quiz/assignment due. I haven't failed myself even once before when it comes to this, despite the other numerous things I have failed.

The counselor told me, "At least you figured it out early enough". Then I realized again that I am not that dysfunctional. No, I am not. I already know. I knew. I was not going to go ahead with something that is just not 'right'. But there's just no way to be sure, never. "You just have to take risks. After all, if there's no risk, there's no decision." Hmmm. Then she told me that I was just afraid. Sigh. When am I ever going to learn. 

On the other hand, I need to study. I am never going to get through university. I bumped into an old friend, friend? Are we friends? Hmmm. I spent a total of approximately 7 days with him. That is the extent of our friendship. He's a supposed genius, and I do not doubt that. His mind works in wondrous ways, the kind that I always envy. After so long, I ask him again, what is he doing, and he told me he's going back to CPU for another semester. I have to stop myself from asking, why, why do you keep going backwards when you have all you need to move forward? I'm thinking maybe, just maybe they have a great life plan that they will eventually get through with, despite the long routes they keep taking. Or, maybe they're just afraid. 

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, 

but of power and of love and of a sound mind."

2 Timothy 1:7

December.

New month, new specs!

Decisions, decisions, decisions. 

Pray, pray, pray.

Hold on, hold on, hold on. 

Love, love, love. 

Faith, faith, faith. 

"You weren't made to simply survive until you die." 

"'For I know the plans I have for you,

 plans to prosper you and not to harm you, 

plans to give you hope and a future.'" 

(Jeremiah 29:11) 

I hope nobody reads this.

Well, that was like a slap in the face. I probably had a series of emotions go through me after hearing just those few sentences. Its not something I want to hear, I'm not really sure I needed to hear it either, but I guess there's a reason I heard it. Sigh. To hear it from people who barely know me, barely had a full conversation with me prior to this one, who doesn't really care about me anyway. Hmmm. Oh well. I couldn't help but feel judged. That's not fair, you don't even know what I have to say. Hmph. Nvm. Getting over it right.... now. 

I've heard all kinds of things from many different people, some who really have my full respect, all older, more experienced. Does this mean I should also go get inspiration from someone younger? Hmmm. Not a bad idea, first I have to find someone. I've heard things that were nice, motivational, hopeful. I've heard things that were, well.. meant as a slap on the face, to wake up to reality. Some made me realize there's people out there who knows, who cares. Some made me realize that people really just don't give shit about what happens to other people's lives. Well, as long as I remain alive I guess. 

Some made me remember. I think I just got sick of working for it. I mean, it reminded me of the days of Ass Pee Am. Hmmm. I'm glad to find that I can actually look back at it now and smile. That last two months were the worst. I almost only slept 4 hours a day, in the day, and never at night. I'd snack and snack the night away (explains the terrible acne) and keep praying all night through. Occasionally, I let a little tears flow to calm myself down and get started again. I couldn't stop, quitting was not an option. But I felt it, I felt God with me. 

Those days I would look at my Chemistry results and get so annoyed, I would study so hard so that I would know at the end of the day, even though I didn't know throughout the year. I would make sure I'll never make those same mistakes again. I would look at my Addmaths book and think "This is okay, I can do it" and be so devastated when I didn't. All the time. Sigh. And with the very apathetic Kristal as guidance, I also knew I had to be better at addmaths. Constantly bombarding my very motivating deskmate with my econs, because she loved and she was good at it, I had to love it and I had to be good at it. With Jo, I found out what passion for writing is like for the first time, then I also knew I had to, so I begin to love English. At the end of the day, I'd like to think "I made it, with God's help, I made it all worth it. I've done it for myself, making the burden on my mother's shoulders lighter and my dad proud was only the bonus." 

That was my first experience, really proving myself that I was capable. I don't even remember UPSR or PMR. Well, okay. I remember PMR a little. I had such a hard time with Maths and Geography. Haha. Ahh, Geography. One of those that I constantly got a C for. One time, I was done with it, because everybody around me (deskmate, again) was so good at it that I had to be. I guess I learnt to love that too. I don't know how, I still can't comprehend how I did that. 

In conclusion, what I'm lacking now, are my bestfriends. Just kidding. I mean, I do need my bestfriends with me. But I also know the problem lies in me. I've worked through CIMP on my own, now that was a different phase. I think maybe I thought it was too easy. I worked hard too, but it was just like I knew that I will do well, had I worked at it. Then, I just kinda stopped. CIMP definitely showed me something so new and different that I'm now spoilt by it.

Now, I'm stuck here and I'm not doing anything about the "achievements" that I've previously worked so hard for. I can't find it in myself to do it anymore. Yes, yes, I know. That's not it. I'm just taking the easy way out. Thanks for the verbal slap, friend.

I thought it through. Its not even about the effort anymore, its about the choice. I need a choice first before there is effort. Ugh. Then, I need to find back that 17 year old who tried so hard not to kill herself when dealing with exams and actually made it through, by God's grace. The one who gave up but held on tighter, the one who fell down and continued crawling. Consequently found God's hand to hold and got back up.

I've had some real good people in my life. Whether they're still here or not, I know they were there and they loved me, like how I loved them. 
 

아빠 도 가서.  

힘네자.

Deepavali.

HAPPY DEEPAVALI~

Festival of lights. 

I only saw.. one firework today.

And not much lights. Hmmmm. 

So, of course, I went to D's house. Really early. :/ To have lunch. Which consists of very spicy chicken. And tosai. Then I spent most of the time watching either fifa, or The Mummy Returns or X-men. Oh, how I miss TV.

 

And then I just kinda fell asleep for the next half of the day. :O 

So sorry. 

And for that, Happy Deepavali to my Indian but Chinese wannabe best friend (imissyoualready), and Indian boyfriend, who didn't even bother dressing up and so I have no picture of him, despite how he made me dress up. ._.

Back to Uni. Mehhhh. 

God bless.

Forever, Yours.

If my heart is overwhelmed 

and I cannot hear Your voice,

I hold on to what is true

Though I cannot see.

If the storms of life they come

and the roads ahead gets steep,

I will lift this hands of faith

I will believe. 

I'm running out of time, running out of choices,

 running out of opportunities, running out of places to run to. 

Cray-on.

Yes, that's what GD says. 

University continues. I am trying not to lose all my hair before the semester ends and maybe I could postpone my balding plans to 30 years later. #stressed #depressed #movingon

Big Bang Alive Galaxy Tour 2012

BIG BANG! 

I cannot promise a non-nonsensical flailing post, but I will... try.

Nah, I gave up. I will flail all I want. :)

Date : 27th October 2012

Time : 8pm

Venue : Stadium Merdeka

We reached a little past 4, I think. I wasn't even concerned about the time anymore by the time I reached. It rained on the way there, but when we reached, it stopped. Didn't have my hopes too high though, and I was right. 

Of course, we checked out the stuff on sale, but maybe I was a little 'cheap' this year, so we headed towards where all the free stuff were. Hehe. There was, of course, a Samsung Galaxy booth outside, and we had to line up, get a chop, go into the booth, play with the phones, then we were given free stuff. It was so weird. Oh well. 

They gave us the blinking wristband and that flappy hand thing, and a blow up balloon which I kind of disregarded. Its sitting somewhere on my table. The banner was given to me towards the end of the concert, no idea what it was for, its nice anyway. :)

Then we went to line up to take a... "Best Photo". We have to line up to take this picture. Its pretty awkward. People just kinda stand there and stare. And Taeyang has been left out of my pictures. Sorry, Teydaddy. :/

 We were heading to line up, until I saw the official merchandise both. Couldn't resist, so we finally walked in and bought our lightsticks! I didn't have enough cash with me, or else I would have really bought the real pretty crown. :((( I'll have to settle for the smaller, thinner, less yellow, less bright one. But its okay, I'm a happy VIP.

Uhmmm. We kinda stood in the wrong queue so after much delay, we headed into the real queue with it is much more disorganized and messy and crowded. Finally, we got into our pit, it was already slightly muddy. Mehhhh.

Lightstick-ku yang tersayang.

Its so prettttyy. :)))

I took time to steal a picture with Eli's lightstick while we were just waiting for the concert to start. 

And that brings us to the terribly wet half hour or so rainfall. It started off as a drizzle, then it got heavier, and lighter, and heavier again. We were all soaking wet in our raincoats by the time the concert began. Oddly enough, or not so odd because I said a prayer right when it was starting, and the rain stopped! Bwahaha. 

The stage. 

Of course, they started with Still Alive, came down in their uhmm.. cases? I nearly lost all my voice within the first two songs. Followed by Tonight and Hands Up, and Fantastic Baby. Then they stopped to say hi and all. 

 Seungri started of course. They're English have improved immensely since I last heard them speak. Some minor grammatical mistakes here and there, Seungri said "I am so excitting!" instead of excited. Haha. Taeyang was all hip hop and all "Yo, whats up Malaysia!" I can't remember what he said. :((( But they were all adorbs. TOP didn't say anything in the beginning I think, then in the second half, GD was like "Why don't you say something as well?" Hahaha. 

Gawd his voice. I nearly melted and died like HyunA's ice cream. Its all deep and sultry, just like how I remembered it from the last time he was here. I did see him much closer this time though. YAY! They are all really... fair. And thin. Maybe not thin, more like lean. Daesung's arms have shrunk by like 1 inch or something, and he's also fairer. Seungri's face is almost flawless and his eyes are not that small. Haha.

I know the pictures are really blur, but that's Seungri's back and Taeyang, obviously, with his cut up shirts. I couldn't help staring at his hair the entire time, its so weird. I mean, the way its shaved at the back and his braids. He only half tore his wifebeater this time during his solo stage. Such a teaser. Haha.

Daesung threw his jacket into the crowd, GD threw his pretty green cap and I'm not sure if the others threw any. My eyes were glued on TOP the entire night. OMGGG that face. And he beatboxed! Well.. of course he did. What's interesting this time was the Seungri beatboxed instead. He did most of the Bad Boy one while Taeyang introduced it. I heard every little "uh, uh" sound that TOP made. Hahaha. So random. 

GD was so FULL OF SWAG. No, I'm not surprised, I just had to proclaim it. They way he carries himself, the things he say, they way he raps, the way he dances, the way he wears a skirt, he's always such a kid, but always so...swag. He had a hat on for awhile, played with it alot, being cool and all. Haha. He was super cute, dancing here and there, flying as he calls it.

They damn cute, singing acapella version of Haru Haru, suddenly the chorus comes and they all scream into the mic. Haha. Oh the shimmering mics, twinkle twinkle everywhere. During Lies, there was a ToDae moment, they did the dance together, laughing. Nyahhhh. *dies at the moment TOP smiles*

 I cannot fathom how I had no idea when this happened. T___T They were elevated? When? WHEN? I need to find this. Unfortunately, being as short as I am, I know I missed out on a lot of things going on on the actual stage because I COULDN'T SEE PASS ALL THE TALL PEOPLE. Aihhh. I know I shouldn't complain, there were many shorter than me suffering even more. I could barely catch glimpses of then when they were on the main stage, even when the came out to the extended stage I could only see them for like.. 2 seconds. There's also that blinding light from the opposite side of the stadium that blinds us all when we try to look up at them.

 

GD&TOP's stage was like... WOAH. I couldn't even see what what was going on. When the other three introduced 뻑이가요, they were so adorable. Taeyang was singing to it, Seungri beatboxing as usual (?). Hmmmm. TOP was holding this... stick? Walking stick? Haha. They were wearing fire and water coats. Live rapping is the epitome of awesomeness. I was so into High High and omgggg I saw Deuk (?) upclose. So handsome. Making all kinds of sexy faces behind Taeyang while dancing. He was doing all kinds of dancing, super cool. I'm glad he's working with Big Bang, brings him further. The female dancers are all so pretty. There's a new cute dancer? Heh.

Taeyang and his braids that I couldn't get my eyes off. I didn't see him quite as much, because he was obviously placed in the middle of the stage, didn't come over to our side as often. I saw the back of his head a lot though. Haha. Love his live singing, you can actually hear the passion.

GD's colourful hair, he's still as skinny as I remember him to be. He sang like small excerpts of One of a kind and Crayon with the rest helping him along. OMG he was so adorable during the encore. He said "I can't just let you go like this. What song do you want to hear?" Then everybody started screaming all kinds of songs and he tried so hard to listen, then the band just started up their own song and he made a face. HAHA. Like "Okay, lets just sing whatever, I can't hear what the fans are saying anyway."

 Daesung probably only learnt the phrase "BAGUS!" cause it was the only thing he said most often. And Taeyang was on some kind of high, he kept making these little songs with scratching. At one point he was singing "Saya cinta padamu, cinta cinta pada pada, cinta pada mu~" Aigoo, so cute. He also slipped twice, I think, while coming down the slope from the main stage. He did make good use of the wet stage and did all kinds of leg slipping dancing. Haha.

We also celebrated TOP's birthday and he was so.. despondent. He probably felt it though, it looked like he teared when he was saying "tterima kashhhih". TOP said "I never expected so many people to be here, you guys are amazhing". Then GD was all like "We have been to many places, but Malaysia is the best." Also note that I've probably fixed their cute grammatical errors as I typed these. Seungri, as usual, learnt more Malay, said stuff like "Selamat tidur" and "Malaysia cantik" and "Apa khabar?" . When he tried to say that to Taeyang, Tae just stared at him like "wth are you doing, maknae?" :D

They were very generous with their encore, OHHH, they also came out singing Numb (encore), the part that goes "Can I get an encore, do you want more?" Wahhh. How sexy can that get. They sang three songs for the encore; Heaven, Bad Boy, Hands up. By the time Heaven ended, I was almost dying and dehydrated with severe backache, and secretly wishing it would end, but its so sweet that they continued for us. GD was already sounding out of breathe rapping to Bad Boy. Before they went back, they had a little dancing thing and so GD was like "TOP's birthday, its ya birthday~" and TOP was doing some funny dance as usual. Then GD went "Teydaddy, go Teydaddy, go go go~" So he took off his shirt, there's no concert complete without Taeyang taking off his shirt and dancing. 

Bwahahaha.

AHHHH, I MISS THEM SO MUCH. 

Last ugly, drenced, sweating picture of us when everybody was trying to get out. The field was of course, muddy and all, but I could care less. My shoes need a wash and I am now a happy girl.

Proud VIP forever. 

Great big thank you, to my boyfriend, who suffered by standing behind me, trying to fend off people, keep me balanced, got hit by my lightstick a million times and for carrying my bag. And throwing my raincoat away. :p 고마워.

And I didn't forget, all pictures credit to @DarveenG.