"The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God." 

Romans 8:6-8 

*****

He kissed me back in the way certain boys do, 

the way you can tell that they’re good, 

that their hearts are in the right place.

Stay alive, stay alive.

I've had a pretty great 2013, looking back. I'd be completely honest and say that there were parts of it that I wish I could have done differently, but I'd rather not. I've met great people, I went to places I have never been, done things that I always do (hah) and learnt lessons that would last a lifetime.



"He who knows not and knows not that he knows not is a fool; shun him.
He who knows not and knows that he knows not is a child; teach him.
He who knows and knows not that he knows is asleep; wake him.
He who knows and knows that he knows is wise; follow him."
Lady Burton—Life of Sir Richard Burton.

2013.

We're here, we're there.

This is it. This is the end.

The end of the year has arrived. Unlike the previous years, the end came just in time for me, not too soon, not too late. Just right. Its a topsy turvy year, I've been up, been down. The beginning of the year itself was like a scene cut out of a horror movie, followed by long months of crazy self destruction that brought along a lot of fun and a lot of pain. That was January for me.

"Why does it feel so good but hurt so bad?
My mind keeps telling me 'run as fast as you can'."

***

Chinese New Year was interesting this year. I was given the chance to know some new people, who brought quite a lot of laughter into my life. Blessed I am indeed. One of the most eventful CNYs I've ever had.

Followed by what I thought of it to be a time of healing. The trip to Busan+Seoul was amazing, everything I wanted it to be. I just wish there was more time. There's so much more to see, so much more to know. I'll go back there, one day; when time and money and age and language and company will not be a problem anymore. 

 February was a lot of traveling, a lot of emptiness otherwise. I spent time with different people, seeing different things, seeing a different me. A lot of messed up sleeping hours, long nights spend with my laptop boyfriend and random outings. By the time I came back from Seoul, I was ready to get back on track by going back to uni. But God had different plans for me. Didn't happen, maybe I was confused and down for awhile after that. Moved on from there. 

***

Apparently I came back from Korea in March (I actually looked through my own facebook to remember that). Then time must have passed really fast for me as I try to figure out what to do with my life because the uni plan didn't happen again and I was suffering from post-Korea depression. Everything was just not as good back in Malaysia. Oh well.

***

April, I think I actually may have not done anything in April. Oh right. My short and sweet and also slightly secret trip to Singapore. Those are the days that may seem like it came and went but didn't make a difference. But leaves a mark in the heart for a long time. It was another runaway from me. Not entirely proud of it, seemingly bothered a few people, but no regrets. I came back with a little more hope. 

***

May, my birthday month. I have no recollection of what was happening. Not the kind of birthday I want to remember. It all just blipped through.

***

I remember strange things happening after that. New, strange person. As mean as I sound saying this, I'm glad we're no longer speaking. Good times though, good times. June; One of a Kind. These are memories made in the city centre of KL for me that I may always remember. Walking along the streets, the train, the rain, the sun. And of course, GD. And uhh, somewhere along the lines I also saw BEAST and 4minute and G.Na.

Surprisingly more traveling. Road trip! I am sorry for the one blip that happened during this trip, a broken heart. One day, maybe, one day, we will change things...again.

*** 

July was a little bit more traveling, a little bit more family. Jakarta was an interesting experience. Not great as a vacation, but eye opening when it comes to humanity. I came back humbled. And...glad. 

I miss the blue contacts and my strangely nice hair and the absolutely adorable elephant. I think I'd still want it if I could go back in time. I don't remember exactly what happened that July. 

***

July, on the way to August, I spent a lot of time with these people. Ahhh, all the sleepless nights and strange bondings. Maybe these times can never return again, but thank God they happened. Part of the year where I felt like I actually belonged (thanks, Omar; even though you weren't here for half of the adventures).

***

August cum September, where my sister returned and I finally got my ass back into uni with a great surprise which may turn into one of the best things that happen to me. The return of a good friend, heh.

Our strange adventure began and uhh... rave? Haha. We Love Asia 2.0 and Arthur's Day and then Sundown in October.

***

October, new friends, back to being a student. Thankfully, this time around, its more fun, less pain. I would say October was the month of meeting people and having a great time and then... life goes on. Some people appear in your life only for the shortest, most heartwarming moments and then...poof, no more. It was a good lesson learnt. After that, it became a lot easier to accept that some people are just not meant to say. And I also think it was about this time where the "single-probation-period" ended. Haha, damn.

***

November. Ahh, November. Where Things Begin to Change. Month of the final exams, lotsa stress, very little sleep, a lot of mamak food at 4am, long phone calls and dangerous flirting and stepping out of the comfort zone.

And then the holidays began.

***

December. Month of the Decision. Christmas. Bukit Tinggi. Ipoh. Camerons. New Year.

And... 2014.
Year of No Repeats.

"All I want for Christmas is you."

24th December.

Candlelight service at church, it was uhh.. an interesting experience. There's nowhere I'd rather be than in the house of God during Christmas.

25th December.

As per usual, Christmas dinner at Daddy's with Uncle Wai Keong and family. Roasted chicken and potato salad for dinner. Present exchanging after that and I got this huge frame, supposedly from daddy, but aunty bought it.

 Sisters in the house! 

Before that, 

Christmas date with heart big teddy bears and heart shaped meat. 

26th December. 

And after that, Boxing Day at Bukit Tinggi.

It was nice and cold and all we did was walk around, throw pop pop, drink pina colada.

❤❤❤

This was Christmas for me. 

10th December 2013.

다시 시작했다. 

어떻게. 난.. 남자친구 생겠어.ㅎㅎ

행복하고, 짜증하고, 웃고, 울고, 많이 먹고, 많이 못 자고 . 이런 사랑입니다. 사람들이 어떤 말을더, 난 상관없어. 나도 잘 몰라는데, 그냥할거야. 잠시라도, 난 사랑 했어요. 

이 남자가, 어린 이더라도, 날 지켜 줄 수 있어. 잠시라도, 이 남자가 날 사랑할 수 있어. 

해볼라고. 해볼게요.

❤

Super Show 5 Malaysia

Super Show 5 Malaysia
Date : 23 November 2013
Venue : Putra Indoor Stadium, Bukit Jalil

And of course, I went with my best ELF companion. Selca before concert is a must. New lightsticks!

The opening is more.. tech savvy this time around, loving the change.

Kyochon chicken, probably doing some promotion before opening up at 1U and having seen these gorgeous live size cutouts, how could I not stand under the scorching sun to line up to take a picture with them? The sun that day was no joke. NO JOKE. 

The Sapphire Blue ocean. Ahhh, proud ELF. 

All the smiles they have on their faces, the kind of love they have for the stage and the fans and for each other. I've seen 4 concerts so far, and they've all always put a huge smile on my face and a warm fuzzy feeling in my stomach everytime I walk out of the stadium. I'm not going to talk much about the concert itself because.. honestly I may not remember much about it anymore because its been too long, but I remember what I felt. 

HOWEVER! I cannot not mention this. But Heechul, omg, my Heechul. Ahhh, so glad to see him. He's really changed over time and I'm glad I stuck around this long in this fandom because it was all worth it. Ahhh, the beautiful smile of his, the shiny, flippy red hair, the skinny legs and the big shirts, the screaming and the terrible dancing, I've missed it all. 

This beautiful man. I hope he finds love and joy. Haha, omg I sound a little cray cray but I do love him and I want the best for him.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

Fell from the sky.

Sometimes we gotta remind ourselves, that we cannot be someone's everything.
And that perhaps, we shouldn't want to be either.
Because enough is never just enough. 

Btw, no, this is not a message to anyone specific out there. It doesn't relate to anyone, but me.

*************

I hope by the time the next update comes along, it would be about how grateful I am that finals is finally over and it will be about happy things. Lots and lots of happy things.
 

10 hours to go. 

Hang in there.

Rainy season.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people
won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
Marianne Williamson

Each other.

When we see each other, we automatically hug each other. 

When we walk together, we automatically reach for each other. 

When we part, we automatically think of each other. 

Dreams. 

"He who walks with the wise is wise."

Sundown Music Festival Asia 2013 @ Gold Coast Morib

Okay, this was a new experience, a pretty good one at that. The beach was.. not that dirty when we got there, but it was pretty trashed by the time we left. It was a 2 day event, but I only went for one night, because church comes first :D We left Subang at 8-ish and reached at almost 11. Haha. Damn GPS. Anyhow, I really enjoyed the whole car ride despite being a little burnt out from a real long Friday. 

"We gon' go hard and get there,
and when we get there we gon' go harder."
-Moe

The crowd was.. meh, so-so, I was a little out of it at first until we went to the other side of the crowd and had this entire area to ourselves, then we just kinda lost it. We ran around, splashed each other a little, jumped and danced. Ahh, it feels like it was yesterday. I had actual muscle pain from that little running we did. :/ 

Yes, apparently I hang out with some topless dark skinned guys. Great people. ♥♥♥

************

After that, it was back to uni, back to the continuously building stress and slight fear. But! 

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear
but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7)

I will get through this. It will all be worth it in the end, right?

*************

So, in the occasion of that one-day public holiday that we had and my random moodiness stemmed from my bestfriend ditching me in uni for the chick he has a crush on, my sister let me crash her 'date'. Bwahaha. Oops? 

We ate some Japanese food, ate A LOT of interesting flavored ice-cream and...danced a little. 

Salted gula melaka, Guinness, Nutella, Mango, French Toast. :D  

I like this, I do. But why does it always have to end that way. We could be great friends, we have fun together, we can talk, we can laugh, we understand, we love freely, why should we settle for something less? 내가좋아하는 오빠들; 잃고 싶지 않아. ᅲᅲ

And life decides to troll a little more and there, we bumped into a super super old childhood friend. Memory is a pretty amazing thing, who knew we would still remember each other since we knew each other at the young age of 7/8. Please ignore my #awkward arm. Who knows what life brings sometimes? 

*************

A day or two after that, mummy came to visit again and we went to Petaling Street to get more of the Halloween decorations and... 

So we tried on some of the stuff. The spiders were actually really cute. I don't think i'll get to celebrate Halloween this year. Damn you, finals.

Then we proceeded to eat some awesome dinner, it felt like eternity since I last had steamed fish and salted egg crab, courtesy of mummy's suppliers. I'm thinking I really need to improve my uhmm "socializing with older people" skills. :/ how else will I be able to step into the marketplace next time.

Yesterday, we celebrated my sister's so called belated 22nd (again) and... did weird things. Gawd, what a night. I think I did achieve what I wanted that night. That's it, now its time to move on. I did mean all those things I said, I'm glad we're all just.. fine.

Looking at my previous posts since I snapped out of my non-studying period and finally trying to get a life, I feel like I've come far. There's a lot of stuff going on, most times, its hard just to find a day for myself. I cannot begin to explain how blessed I feel, from making new friends, finding old friends, and connecting again with friends that were always there. (Shoutout to my bestest bestest gf EZZIE because I MISS YOU) 

"An introduction to a new relationship is a new season."

What my CG leader said, I can really feel it coming true for me now. Ahh, the power of prophecy. She said that she feels that now is the beginning of a new season, a season to go out even further and to stretch our faith even more. That phase I was in, I'd really like to get out of it already and despite what everyone may say, I think that this is a God given opportunity for me to realise myself again and become a better person. I'm taking the good and the bad and mould it all together until it becomes something new. 화이팅!

Theme for the 3rd quarter of 2013 : BOLD

Excuse the long post, I'm obviously procrastinating from studying.

There is an answer, you just don't want to accept it;
and the answer is 'No'.

"I don't care, I love it"

I've come to realise that people just.. Generally don't care about things. Or maybe the people that I've come across. They just don't. And somehow or rather, I've become a little like them. Just don't care. There's no point talking about it, no point thinking about it, no point having an opinion about it. Because generally, people also don't care what you think about things.

Don't they?

*************

 Arthur's day.

The Wanted!

OMG Nathan waved at me! I swear he did! I was just looking at his general direction, tryna see what weird things he was doing on stage, then he just suddenly stood and stared into the crowd. There was a direct space between him and me, in between all the hands. And when he looked at my general direction, everyone else was looking at someone else, so I waved at him. And then he looked like he  suddenly snapped out of the trance that he was in and waved back at me. Bwahahahahaha. Yeah, you all can think i was just hallucinating or he might have been waving at someone else, but I know he waved at me.
Our eyes met. ♥♥♥♥♥

They look so good, with their accents and all. Ahh. Starstruck. 

The All American Rejects!

OMG they sang songs like Gives You Hell and Dirty Little Secret, I felt like I was living through my teenage-hood all over again. They wrote really great songs, dayummm. I think its really something to remember, to be able to watch The All American Rejects perform, despite me not being a totally huge fan.

Five for Fighting! 

Legends, I tell you. Honestly, I had no idea what songs they were singing half the time, of course, they were the most famous for Superman, and then.. the rest of the performance, everybody was just standing around cheering occasionally. But I'm glad I got to see them once in my life. :D

*************

Sometime after that, went on a tea-date with Omar :) And then watched some weirdo movie where people just float in space and bad things happen one after the other.

Thanks for the "lovely" pictures. Hehe. 

*************

Sometime before that, my sister and I went to help out a friend film an advertisement for her assignment. That was a lot of fun too. Strangers who become friends who become strangers again.

We ate ice cream, ate french crepe, strolled in the rain, went window shopping, took crazy pictures. Twas' a good day. 

*************

There's more but I think this post is way too long already.
Finals is coming up, I am freaking out and all but let's just get this over with, shall we?

Sweet dreams.

We are meant to be
another time
another life
possibly
probably
you would be mine

"He's a fool, you're just as well"

Now you'll never see
What you've done to me
You can take back your memories
They're no good to me

And here's all your lies
You can't look me in the eyes
With the sad, sad look
That you wear so well

When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell

When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell 

All American Rejects!

Arthur's day update..

coming soon.

"The Cure"

"My mum always says opposites attract."

"That's magnets, we're people."

It feels like so much has happened and nothing has happened at the same time. Quick update. 

I've been living 4 hours of sleep a day, sleeping at all the wrong times, finishing up assignments last minute and it still doesn't seem to end. Have I been slacking? Not exactly, I'm just.. procrastinating. I've been really strange lately. Its like I'd say 'yes' to everything for a week, then I'll say 'no' to everything for the next. :/ #confused

So.. What happened? Uhm. 

I went to the We Love Asia Concert 2.0. And I've witnessed Pitbull live (or not live, I'm not sure) and I spent the whole night jumping around, covered in sweat and smoke. So much fun. 

Then.. we went for MTV World Stage, with EXO and Far East Movement and Robin Thicke. It was a pretty good night, despite the drizzle earlier in the night and the crazy fans. Maybe cause it was less hot and less people sticking to me, it was quite spacey. :D 

Then...  PARTAYYY~ new friends, old friends, acquaintances who eventually return to being strangers.

Then.. Back to being a student. Haihhh. Its been exhausting but I think the fight's not over yet. Finals will be approaching. I'm finding it so hard to be able to manage my time between me-time,sleep,  school, church, friends who are near and friends who are far. I'm sorry, I'm really busy and I'm trying my best. :/ Don't people realize that they're not the only ones having a hard time? Otherwise, I've been sacrificing a lot of the "fun times" just to get a little more sleep. My face is suffering, eye bags and dark eye circles are getting worse. 

Finally, it was my sister's birthday. 

I'm sorry I couldn't do more, it wasn't exactly all last minute. :D HAPPY BIRTHDAY! ❥❥❥❥❥ xoxo

So we went to 노래방, to celebrate. Big thanks to Zhan Wei for spending the whole day with me. Heh. I think he's the only so far willing to spend so much time with me. I see him 5 days a week, 5 hours a day. Or more. Lol.

  

I realised we were only ever apart for one birthday, that was last year. One birthday is enough, it shall not happen again! Cause my birthday without you was terrible, not sure if yours was though, heh. Thank you for always being there for me, for being my support, for being my confidant, for being my sister. Thank you for being born 2 years earlier than I was, thank God for putting us together. I love you!

I feel blessed now, after reflecting on the past 2 weeks. 

Thank you, God. 

Off to do assignments again now~