All alright?

Its a week into the new year. I've had a particularly bad week and nothing good has happened this year... yet (finger crossed). Other than the fact that I am still alive, along with the others that I care about. I suppose that is something to be extremely grateful for.

I'm officially not doing my usual month-by-month recap of 2017.

There are large parts of 2017 that I did not manage to bring with me to 2017. While it saddens me, regardless of the ending, the journey was precious to me.

In 2017, I happened to swift back and forth of being okay not okay very often. If I were to give myself a theme for 2017, it would be 'Secrets'.

I had always been a private person to most, occasionally misunderstood as secretive. But last year, many more people fell into the list of people who just don't know me anymore. I gained much more secrets, so many more. I wasn't exactly lying, just hiding. And boy, is it exhausting.

The worst part is... that I brought my secrets to 2018. And I am so, so tired. Yes, yes, I brought this on myself. Yes, I don't know what I'm doing. At this point, in the middle of January, I might have figured that it's not worth it.

I don't believe that my judgement of people are wrong, I just believed that despite being human and flawed, they would still have some compassion in their actions. I am proven wrong again, and again. There are just many shit people around, that's just how it is. How is it that I keep finding these people who eventually become shitty people in my life? In retrospect, I am becoming a shitty person too. It's a bad cycle.

I obviously pray and pray that 2018 will be better, but the year seems rather bleak right now. Let's not wallow in the massive amount of negativity that I am filled with.

Happy New Year.