"You wear the face of someone I loved."
I said your name today. As the word left my mouth, my fingers curled and my insides did triple flips. I'm trying to be polite here, but my soul almost died that day.
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I don't think I'll ever be ready for part 2. There's no amount of preparation that could make this any easier to go through. I don't really recognize myself anymore. Like I can't say that I'm proud of myself for making this far, neither can I really admit how pathetic it might be at some times. I can't say that it isn't worth it, but neither can I say that the all this is okay.
So all I am is stuck in my infamous state of being indecisive and selfish and unable to lose what I do not have. Yeah, that sounds about right.
Every good moment is laced with some hidden hurt that's bound to hit me. I'm afraid to laugh because I fear the bad things that will follow. I've been entertaining too many what ifs. What if nothing happened? What if I didn't do anything? What if I walked away? What if nothing ever happened? Am I missing out on life? Maybe. Maybe not.
I've had reality slap me in the face one too many times this year. So I keep thinking and thinking and thinking.. is this still karma? God, please help me.
Why do all memories end up becoming bad memories? These days, more and more I question myself, how the hell did I get tangled up in this?
Bad decisions.
Bad, bad decisions.
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