Gotta learn to be okay with being the 'sometimes' and not the 'always'.
Why are there so many things to learn to be okay with? Learn to be okay with things that we can't change, won't change, can't change? Learn to be okay with just who we are, who they are. Learn to be okay with the past, with the uncertain future. Learn to be okay with how we were treated and how people treat us. Learn to accept that people do bad things sometimes, you do bad things sometimes, I do bad things sometimes. Learn to accept that we are not perfect, learn to be okay that we are all flawed.
Is this the new idealism? Are we just giving ourselves excuses and reasons to be just the way we are?
I've been having this ongoing dilemma of wrong and right. What's wrong and what's right? If we had reasons, if we have excuses, if we had traumas, if we came from a certain past, if we all make mistakes, does that all make it okay?
Does it make it okay if you have forgiven yourself and other people have not? Does it make it okay not to apologize? Does it make it okay to 'get over it'? Does it make it okay to never speak about it again because it doesn't matter to you anymore?
If it matters to someone else, but it doesn't matter to you, does it make it okay? Does that make you selfish?
If you do something for someone, it's not being selfish. But if they accept it from you, knowing your sacrifices, are they being selfish? So what's the solution here? Someone's bound to be selfish, no?
What is the wrong and right here?
Is there no right anyway? Are we all defining our own rights and wrongs? And that just gives us all the more leeway to do whatever we can justify. Then, people's just gotta learn to be okay with your reason and accept it for what it is?
And what's the alternative? Don't be okay with it and then get rid of it? Is this now the basis of what it takes to 'get rid' of someone or find them worthy enough to 'keep' them in our lives? If we're not okay with it, what happens? Somebody tell me. Are we disrespecting ourselves by accepting things that we are not okay with just because the alternative is to lose them? Is it a loss if we can't accept it? Do other things make up for what we're not okay with?
Gosh, I hate that I live in this social media, motivational quotes, meme-defining era. I hate it. There must've been a time where there were rights and wrongs and it was based off something more than old scriptures and laws made up by power hungry, selfish men?
I constantly feel so out of place in this world and in this time and I don't get what it takes. Omg. Do I need to get off social media to find out? Lol, like as if the answers will miraculously appear in my mind if I wasn't infesting my brain with these stupid motivational quotes and preppy articles defined by an algorithm teaching me how to live my life and how to think.
And here I am putting my thoughts online for someone to read it and question the same things, maybe. Or maybe, give me some answers.
Or... there are no answers and this is the way it should be. Who the heck defined what should be and shouldn't be. Who the heck made people believe in the ways we live. Who the heck gets to define right and wrong?
Okay, so thankful I didn't get into philosophy because I would fail and also... I would never sleep. And as impossible it is for me to feel the feelings of happiness right now, I might never feel it. Ever. If I tried to study philosophy. Can you imagine, it was centuries ago since people tried to teach people how to think?
Now we have our mothers, and their messed up upbringing, and our messed up upbringing, and the messed up upbringing of other people, AND the Internet telling us how to think.
Clearly, I'm not quite okay.
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