Gentle reminder

I'm speaking to the ones with the good hearts, and the ones I've been the good heart to. I've received a lot of love and kindness too, despite all those heartbreaks, those of which I always remember. I remember those moments when I sit alone and my heart is full. That feeling that in that specific moment, you are important. Be it a nice, kind text, an act of kindness, a free milo, a little kiss on the side of your forehead, a tight hug, an offer of the last biscuit, a sip of someone else's favourite drink, the list goes on and on. This is just to serve as a gentle reminder, your good heart, you need to keep it good. For as long as you can. Love your good heart the way you love someone else's good heart.  

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The new environment brings new memories (which will somehow turn bad later) and hopefully distances me away from the old one. Here, I'm more alone, suddenly there's a lot more space. In my deep, dark place, I may get lost here alone, but hopefully it'll make me feel more.. at home. 

In a way, this should be a new beginning. I was so focused just getting out of there I didn't really begin to think of the implications. I only thought of one, but that one doesn't last. Now I'm sitting here in my new chair typing this and I feel maybe I should take a step back and evaluate where this is bringing me. It's like I inadvertently took a step forward in my life and then I'm here and maybe in a few more steps forward, I'd suddenly realise there's nothing here but me, alone. Then it'll become another mission, maybe by then it'll be a race because I'll be older and maybe wiser and then there'll come that wave of 'get your shit together' and I'll drown. 

Ok, drama queen Jill showed up. 

Disregarding all the drama, there are many things to be grateful for. Just needed to ground myself a little bit. All these in-betweens getting the best of me. Is it an innate human flaw to always try to believe that I deserve better than this and at the same time knowing that I'm not good enough for much? 

"There's an art to life's distractions
To somehow escape the burning weight, the art of scraping through
Some like to imagine the dark caress of someone else
I guess any thrill will do."